This is from my blog post today. Despite being close to goal, I'm a little down today. Please tell me I'm not the only person that feels this way...
So now that I'm almost at goal, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I realized yesterday that I am really fit. Not only are my running times pretty damn decent for someone who has been running as short as a time I have, but between lifting weights and all the other workouts I do, I'm strong and just in good shape.
That led me to coulda, shoulda, woulda. What would my life have been like if I had made this decision to be thin and fit when I was in high school. Or even college. Or, ****, even 10 years ago??? I mean, I clearly have some athletic ability in me.
Which then leads to me to be REALLY super ANGRY at myself. I should not be 40 years old and making these discoveries. I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life being fat and unhealthy.
I intellectually know that every choice I've made has led me to where I am right now. And I think that I'm a pretty okay person. But still, it doesn't feel great to be full of regret.
I'm hoping that a little ways down the road that I can forgive myself and just enjoy where I'm at now. Better late then never, as they say. And life, well, it's pretty ****ing good today. However, I'm not anywhere close to forgiving and accepting myself.