So last night and today have been horrible on me... My mother and I have always had an up and down relationship, but it has been really good for about 2 years now.. But lately old fights are starting up again.. My mom has started a diet and gave me the information so that I could do it too. I know I need to lose the weight, I want to lose the weight, but no matter how much I want it I can't seem to stick to a diet or exercise plan to save my life.. I'm always super motivated when I first start and then life happens and I fall off track. What irks me though is that my mom just doesn't seem to understand.. She acts like its just soooo easy.. Although so far she has stuck to the plan for about 2 weeks and lost 6 pounds.. This is her second attempt at the same diet and not the first diet she has tried either.. And as easy as she tries to make it sound she has been at the same weight for about 8 years and now she is at her heighest weight. BUT she still only needs to lose about 20-30 pounds to be at her goal... So its not like she is obese.. But she treats it like we are in the same boat.. yeah we are both needing to lose weight... But she has much better eating habits starting out than I do, I have about 50 more pounds to lose than she does, and I have intense cravings for food that she just doesn't understand that I can't help...
So here's where everything is getting out of hand. My mother is a nurse practitioner and we both work at the same medical facility. Well one of our friends who is also an NP wrote me a prescription for phentermine at my moms request. Well this was about 3 months ago.. She told me she had gotten the script but she had also gotten it filled but just not given it to me because she wanted to see motivation out of me before I took it.. Ok I understand that this is a short term pill and that you still have to make better choices or you will just gain it all back after you stop taking it.. But I can not do this on my own... I have never lose weight before.. Never in my entire life.. although I have attempted it many times.. I feel like its just not possible for me.. So I feel like I just need that kick start.. That initial loss of weight that can show me that it is possible for me to do it and that I don't have to eat everything that I do...
So now that we've gotten into an argument about it she has told me that she's just going to bring it to me tomorrow but that from now on we're just not going to discuss my weight loss or weight issues at all because I don't use the health information she gives me... I know she is a Dr. and knows what I need to be doing but telling me to eat better doesn't mean I can just do it...
I just wish she could turn the Dr. side of her off and just support me and realize that what I'm going through is different from what she is.. She doesn't eat sugary stuff and doesn't have to worry about money.. She doesn't realize that sometimes we can't afford to buy the healthy stuff.. Because money is no issue for her.. She only works until 8 once a week.. I do Monday through Friday.. So sometimes its just easier for us to run through somewhere quick instead of eating at 9:30 at night after I've spent an hour cooking..
So now I'm stressed, overwhelmed, upset, and eating complete crap to cover it up.
So no.. it doesn't seem like the end is anywhere near..
Sorry this was so long.. needed to vent.. haha.