Ohhh boy...tough subject!
I don't think this is better off in general chatter...right here is just fine.
FIRST- Your husband is WRONG...not every other woman would be OK with it! Many women, sure...but there are also many, like myself who are
NOT!
Porn is such a volatile subject, and one that has affected my own marriage profoundly.
This is probably going to be very loooong.....
I used to be OK with porn, we used to watch it together.
Then, when we got our computer, things got quickly out of hand. My hubby would stay up till 4 in the morning any night that he didn't have to work the next day. Our sex life dwindled down to nearly nothing. Finally I figured out what was going on and several years of turmoil followed. Things really went downhill when I found out how he really felt about me sexually.
Some of you already know this. In hindsight...I should never have pushed the issue.
My husband had been really down for several days...I started bugging him about why, why, why??? Finally he told me that he was not sexually attracted to me and he couldn't take it (my fatness) anymore....I LOST IT!!!
I went to my bedroom and SCREAMED into my pillow like I have never done before. I cried for days, weeks... That comment broke something in my very soul. I had always believed that he was attracted to me no matter what...and he wasn't. It has taken several years for us to be OK again.
This situation, in combination with growing porn use on his part has changed our relationship FOREVER. I became obsessed with finding out what he was looking at...spending my days searching the computer.
FINALLY, I ended up spending thousands on dollars on therapy for myself. I came out of that...with boundaries for myself.. Because of the situation...I
will not have porn in my home. That is just the way it is. I feel he has damaged what once was...and I can't accept it in MY life any longer. I also came out of therapy with a deep knowledge that I am lovable, and beautiful as I am...and that if my marriage were to end...I would be perfectly capable of finding a love that wanted me just as I am.
I've been hurt by porn, so has my husband and my marriage. I think that if you enjoy it and it doesn't hurt ANYONE...sure, whatever. BUT if it affects you, or your marriage negatively..then it's not OK.
PLEASE...don't let your husband blame this on you...that is what they do. They'll do anything they can to be able to continue using porn..and keep you at the same time, including trying to make it your problem, your fault.
It's not your fault, and you don't need to accept anything in your marriage that hurts you...no matter how popular it is in the world today.
AND this is not even mentioning how damaging porn is to the women who are involved in it (a whole other subject)....no matter how strongly people oppose that opinion...it is true.
Sending you hope, and prayers
, and love
:,
Please feel free to pm me anytime,
Linda