Whatever you feel inside is your limit...that is your limit.

I nearly got divorced over it, and will absolutely do so if my husband chooses to cross my boundaries and hurt me again.


Linda

In some ways I have nothing against it because I'd rather have my husband at home looking at porn than out at a strip club or having an affair. On the other hand I personally find it very disgusting and degrading and in my own honest opinion think that all this kind of stuff likely has led to the increase in sex related crimes. That is my own opinion, I have nothing to base it on, just my own feeling and I'm not meaning to spark a debate on that particular subject! So yes my dh used to look at porn and buy magazines etc but we had it out awhile back and he knows how much it upsets me so he hasn't been buying magazines and I don't think he looks at it very much on the computer. I know sometimes he was looking at it while I was at home but now with our 5 year old son in the house I'm pretty sure that he doesn't unless it is late at night when I am working. I don't know why it upsets me and I don't think it is a weight related issue either.

I am kinda on the fence with this....I dont think I would mind if we were enjoying it together (which wouldnt happen..lol) but if I were to come home and find him watching or reading a porn show/mag I think I would be upset, but not mad. If he were doing that and masterbating, then I would be PI$$**. I think it definately a personal thing, and it is also NOT something that ALL women would be OK with.

My husband's friends tease him about not wanting to go to the strip club. (He doesn't drink because of his diabetes, and he says he'll be blankety blanked, if he's going to pay $7 for a diet Coke). About half his friends are single, and about half have wives that have a lot of "rules." So they assumed I had forbidden him to go to the strip club, and they teased him about it. "Heck," he said he told them, "Colleen would be more interested in the girls here than I am." -- No I am not lesbian, but when he had the Playboys, I did analyse the girls' figures alot, trying to find out what men found so attractive (and would ask my husband), and/or trying to see if I could guess which girl's assets were fake, and deciding which body was closest to the one I hoped my body would resemble when I lost the weight.

The Playboy was almost like a haircstyle magazine to me, I'd point out a girl and tell my husband "I want to look like her when I lose weight." Sweet darling that he is, he'd always glance at the picture without much interest, and find some fault with the girl's pic (and never that she was too old, or too fat, it was "her hips (or lips) are too small," or "her ankles are too thick," or "she looks like she's about 11, gross!")

If hubby found anything that took my time away from him, I don't care if it was the sight of naked girls (live, online, or on paper) or for that matter a video game, or a crossword puzzle, I wouldn't accept that.

I personally have no problem with porn. My husband looks at it; I look at it; we watch it together sometimes. *shrugs* It's no biggie in our house. But like others have said, it's a personal choice.

Boys will be boys. It's like master-you-know-what. It doesn't matter if he's getting it 10 times a day. He's still going to help himself out. There's something personal there that no partner can replace. It's nothing personal against you.

I guess you have to decide how you feel about it and tell him. If you're a "none allowed at all" kind of girl, then you two need to discuss this and hopefully find a compromise.

I wish it were otherwise, but I think I'm on the verge of this opinion. SOMETHING really bugs me when the man I'm with is enjoying himself sexually at the sight of other women (unless he's doing it with me - then it's a sanctioned "couples activity"). Sure, the woman's not in my bed doing the naughty, but he's getting hot - and often "finishing the job" - whether or not she is.

My ex-fiance of 5 years used to watch it right next to me - without me - when we had adjacent computers. My current BF was horrified when I told him that, as he thought it very tactless and crude, which I agree with, especially since the ex and I hadn't talked about it and defined what we're comfortable with. But the BF still watches it at some point or another.

I feel like I am a HORRIBLE person for not being understanding and accepting of the way men are wired. I am the type that always thinks, "If I can do sucnandsuch why can't they?" "If I can avoid doing this or that, why can't they?" "If I can live without staring and man-bits online while in a committed relationship, why can't he not look at strange women?" It's something I constantly struggle with, and it humiliates me that I can't control my inward reaction (I can keep perfectly quiet outwardly, at least).

It's bad. We're both artists, and I have a lot of nude females on my computer because I LOVE to draw women, but I get flustered and hurt inside when I see him looking at nude art - mostly because he always spends an EXTRA amount of time on that picture, and usually makes an effort of pointing out some non-sexual thing he likes about it (which makes me think he's trying to cover for staring at someone else's boobs).

I think Goldana may have explained it. It doesn't feel like cheating to me, but it feels like a few too many steps in that direction for me to be A-OK with it.

And now I'm all riled up! Good topic.

I was completely honest about how I felt about it before we even started dating. It just came up in conversation, and I said that it was something I would never be happy with in my relationship. I wish I wasn't this way, because man, would that make things easier! But the fact is, I am. I am a jealous person to begin with, so having him look at that pushes me way too close to the edge. This only happened one time, and we got through it. But I think he is looking again, and when I ask him, he denies it absolutely. Just not sure how to get an honest answer. I was very straight forward, told him I was worried about it, and that I just wanted an honest answer. Anything he told me we could work through. But he still denied it.

Jealousy really is a disease. It makes you suspicious and paranoid, and it will eat at you AND your husband. You said you think he is looking at it, but why do you think that? Do you have real evidence, or are you just suspicious because of the jealousy and the previous incident. It sounds like you didn't accept his denial as the truth. And if after he denied it, you continued to ask, you're pretty much calling him a liar. If you don't trust him, why are you with him? This isn't just a twinge of jealousy, this is the kind of jealousy that tears marriages apart, because the more suspicious you get, the more he will try to hide even innocent things from you out of fear that you might get upset. You will sense he is hiding things (or find proof of it) and become even more suspicious.

It sounds like you might need a third party to help you both with this. A pastor or marriage counselor. Someone who can help you really understand and trust each other again.

I wish it was just mindless jealousy...but it looks like he has been visiting a website with a bunch of nude pictures.

I would recommend counseling all the more. I have a master's degree in psychology (developmental, not counseling), but I do know that relationship counseling works best in the early stages of a problem, before hurt feelings and defensiveness make communication and forgiveness impossible.

I wish you both the best.

Thanks, all, for your support. It's nice to get a different take on things, and it's also nice to know I am not alone. I truly appreciate it.