There's a perceptual phenomenon called the "contrast effect" which may be at work when people compare the old you to the new you. It's a powerful effect, really, and affects our judgments of many types of objects. Basically, our comparison standard of any two objects depends on the difference between the objects.
People think you look too small because they compare you to the old you. You think you want to lose more because you compare you to other reference standards, namely the people around you. I'd be interested in whether you ask these people to really look at you whether they'd say the same thing.
Either way, contrast effects are good to know about, as they can really affect decision making processes!
I agree with a lot of the above, Also I think that people who lose significant weight can sometimes look ill. Inside you are much healthier, but on the outside sometimes your skin is still changing and shrinking, and we sometimes wear clothing that is a little big that can look like it hangs on us. I only mention this because a friend of mine lost quite a bit of weight and if you looked at him, it was almost as if he had cancer. The skin on his face was droopy, his clothes were baggy. It took a few months after he officially stopped losing for him to look his best. But after that his color and skin looked great and he got new clothes and no one thought he looked sick anymore.
Wow..this thread is so what I needed to find right now. I have lost 156 pounds in the past year (it will be one year on March 10th). And for the past few months I have been getting the "You are to thin", "please don't lose any more weight" and "don't get an eating disorder" (like being 312 pounds ISN'T an eating disorder!) comments from people. I too have been shooting for a goal weight that is at the low end of my healthy weight (according to BMI) so I have some play room in case I gain while I am trying to build muscle.
I am 5'11 and as of today weight 156 pounds. I went from 312 pounds a year ago, wearing a size 28 to wearing a size 9/10 right now. I went from 65% body fat to 20%. I have been very happy with how my body feels and how my health has improved. I have been feeling really proud of my accomplishment until recently. I haven't really known what is an ideal weight for me since I have been fat my whole adult life. So setting a goal has been hard. These comments are only making it harder.
I have a lot of loose skin but thats ok, I can deal with that, I don't plan on wearing a bikini any time soon. But lately with everyone making the "to skinny" and "Boney" comments I have gotten paranoid. I look in the mirror and think "Hmm..my face does look kind of drawn and thin". And then I start worrying that maybe they are right and maybe I am too thin. I start second guessing my goals and wondering if I need to stop the exercise. I feel really good about myself and then someone makes a comment and instead of saying "wow you have done a great job of losing" they are saying I am to thin.
When I was 156 pounds heavier no one said "You are really fat...you need to lose weight", but yet they feel they can make the skinny comments.
I appreciate everyones comments in this thread. It has helped greatly to know I am not alone in this and that these comments are common place.
I have lost 156 pounds in the past year (it will be one year on March 10th). And for the past few months I have been getting the "You are to thin", "please don't lose any more weight" and "don't get an eating disorder" (like being 312 pounds ISN'T an eating disorder!) comments from people...I am 5'11 and as of today weight 156 pounds. I went from 312 pounds a year ago, wearing a size 28 to wearing a size 9/10 right now.
Oh, wow, that is awesome! Please don't let all those comments get you down. You know you're doing the right thing.
recently I mentioned to my dh that this would happen to me. I agree with the above poster that many people that lose large amounts of weight tend to get faces that seem too thin. I've lost 95 and still have 22 to get to goal (12 above my healthy weight range even) but my face is already thinner than it was before I gained the weight.
people will always comment and they all seem to think no one else has
I can also relate to this all too well. In the past year I've gone from 230-ish to around 148, which is where I am now. I don't have a tiny build and I'm 5'6", so this is a very good weight for me. My mother has been nagging me (even though she's on Jenny Craig, and eating FAR less than I am-like 800 cals a day less) and it's frustrating b/c I wish she would respect my intelligence and realize I care about my health. She made me weigh myself in front of her and doubted that I'm wearing a size 10/11. Also, my face has gotten a lot thinner. I like it. I can see my bone structure. I don't feel all puffy now. What is so bad about all that? I hope the people I work with noticed that I was just eating a small packet of trail mix for a snack so THEY don't think I have an eating disorder, too. Ugh. It's so frustrating. I don't really feel that I HAVE to lose any more weight. But in trying to figure out how to maintain, I might lose more. I'm not looking forward to the summer when I get even more comments when I'm around more people. I got suspicious comments from other people before like "what are you doing?" with an accusatory tone in their voice. (implying taking pills or something-so I said that yes, I was taking something-Centrum! a multivitamin LOL)
I'm constantly eating something-the thing is, it always seems to be a small something. I've overeaten and it just gives me a stomach ache and I can't believe the amounts I used to eat. So I figure, what I'm doing now must be the HEALTHY way. So why do people have a problem with it? Sorry so long. I guess it must be compared to what I looked like before, I must look too skinny. But I figure I'm average.
We need to keep an eye on who is talking too. The two people who give me the most flack are both ... um ... bigger. It might be a part of the 'crabs in a bucket' phenomenon.
We need to keep an eye on who is talking too. The two people who give me the most flack are both ... um ... bigger. It might be a part of the 'crabs in a bucket' phenomenon.
That's really interesting. I've been suspect of these comments ever since I noticed that the only people telling me to stop losing were the thin folks. I have noticed, though, that my very overweight friends and acqaintances haven't commented at all about it. I can see that though. I remember when a friend of mine lost a bunch of weight and I was still obese and I felt really uncomfortable saying something because it only made me feel like a failure because I couldn't do it. Go know.
I'm experiencing a bit of the same problem with my husband and my mother. My mother, of course, thinks I am too thin and my husband thinks I should not lose any more weight.
In fact, both my husband and my mother think I am eating disordered. Pfft! They both think I exercise excessively and my husband has disabled my exercise machines for a week as "punishment" for what he sees as my disordered behavior. Ummm, since when does working out my normal hour to hour and a half routine every day and continuing to watch what I eat equate with disordered behavior?? (I've posted about his threats in Support before...he has made good on them)
I think there is something to what others here have said about people getting used to seeing us in our larger bodies and by contrast, of course, our thinner selves look much different and much thinner than we really are.
In the end, no matter what anyone else says or thinks, we all know what it takes to control our weight. What may seem to be hypervigillance, is in fact necessary for most of us who have ever struggled with weight to maintain what we have worked so hard to achieve.
Well, that's enough venting for now. Thanks for listening, and I hope I have contributed something to this discussion, even just a tiny bit in this long tirade.
Well today I was told by 5 people that if I lose anymore weight I will blow away. Now at 165, I hardly think so, especially since I am only 5'6" tall. But I am between size 8-10. I just dont know what to think anymore. I mean I know I need to lose at least 10 more pounds to put me at a "normal" BMI, infact 10lbs would do it exactly. But people are already for 20lbs telling me I am getting toooooo skinny. I have a 29.5 inch waist, so I am NOT PAPER THIN HERE. But I am getting smaller, and I think they are just NOT USED to it. It is very frusterating at times. GRRRR
Wow! I was just in this section reading. I have alot more to go to lose the weight..but you guys just inspire me so much. I have been on the lines of thinking and wondering what I would look like at 155 because I have been overweight all of my life and don't remember being below 180...and at the times that I have lost the weight..my highest has been 250, and I did get down to 180 people were making comments such as what you guys have stated...and that was at 180 pounds! So I really think the reason I gained all my weight back is because once people started talking to me that way...I guess I sort of took it to mean that I should stop losing, even though I still wasn't at a healthy weight for me. Maybe that wasn't the only reason I quit losing..there were other factores involved, but that was part of it. I can't wait till I can reach my goal weight of 155..and hopefully weigh less than that for the whole "growing room maintanece" type thing. You guys have done so well! I'm so happy for all of you. Seeing your sucesses help me to realize that hey! I may actually get to my goal this time! You give me hope that it can happen. I have actually been obsessed with visualizing myself at 155. I can't see it yet in my mind..but I know that if I stay the course that it will eventually happen. Everyday I think about it. I won't let anyones comments stand in my way. I know that I will have to face the same issues as you guys with your wonderful weight loss. Just know though that even though you may not get the positive comments that you would like, that there are alot of people that really look up to you and your weight loss..there are more of us that look up to you than those that look down on you. ..because it gives us hope that someday we can be at our goal weights too.
i started getting these comments at 165. i am 5'4".. this means it would perfectly healthy for me to weigh 110! i will consider 125 as my goal weight, but 165? no way.
i don't care if people think i'm anorexic. actually, i think it's hilarious. some guy at work told me that i'm "afraid to eat." uh-huh.. once i was a totally fearless 238-pounder. i may pass on the french fries, but i don't quake with fear at the sight of chunky monkey. the only edible thing that makes me shudder is strawberries and cream frappucino, but it's one of revulsion, not fright.
my plan is that next time someone says i am too thin or accuses me of having an eating disorder i will say "it's not anorexia, it's just meth!" and roll my eyes.
They both think I exercise excessively and my husband has disabled my exercise machines for a week as "punishment" for what he sees as my disordered behavior. Ummm, since when does working out my normal hour to hour and a half routine every day and continuing to watch what I eat equate with disordered behavior?? (I've posted about his threats in Support before...he has made good on them)
