saef, you and I have been around here for awhile now, so I've had an opportunity to view your life, albeit through the lens of what you choose to share here. The one thing that strikes me is how unhappy you are, and how stressed.

Now you're looking to eliminate cherries, unsalted nuts, and a protein bar so that you can drop weight. I could cry.

There must be another way to go. A different path. I know you probably can't see what or where or how, and I sure can't give any advice. But I hope you find some way to change the stress and demands that you constantly are under. I think that is where some of the problem lies.

Have fun in London! Have you been there before? I love it!

Andrea have a fantastic time!!! I love London too. In fact, I haven't been there since I lived in England 20+ years ago... and I still dream fairly often about going back there.

Hi guys - I did mostly nothing all last week but lie around and wallow. I didn't feel well, and I ate and napped my anxiety and head cold. I'm trying to get back on track this week. Well, as of Tuesday. Monday I didn't do much. Yesterday I spent several hours cleaning out toys and junk from the breakfast room, that has been DSS's playroom for the 11 years we've been in the house. I gave him the opportunity the week he was with us in June to find anything he wanted to keep, and told him last weekend that anything I deemed not touched in this calendar year was going as I was going to have it cleaned out by 7/31 and anything remaining had to go in his room. He was a little taken aback by this, but still didn't want to look through things. SO. I cleaned out broken, gave away a lot, set more for donation pending hearing back from a cousin who just adopted three foster kids, and saved a few things I know he wants but is refusing to look at for some reason. Cleaned out similar aged toys from his room, gave his old toybox, three bags of clothes, and more toys to a neighbor. Put out a lot of trash, that I hope they actually pick up. I felt pretty accomplished. I'm going to try to ride that wave for a little while. I've had a rough few weeks. I've had some trouble in a long term friendship and now we aren't interacting anymore, that has made me sad. Etc. Always a reason to not do the right thing. I'm setting a goal to work on figuring out what I need to be happy with myself. And, I may get my wedding rings resized, as they haven't fit well in two years, and not at all for six months. Is that failure, or is that allowing me to move on and find my place?

to everyone, I'll read back today and catch up on everything.

So many London-lovers! I simply hadn't realised! Where are you staying/going, Andrea?

Shannon, lying around for a week sounds good to me. I don't know about your rings. I have a small one which hasn't fitted since I had the DB who's just 17. To be fair, it is the child's ring of a set of three but all the same. It used to fit well. I sometimes wonder about having it resized but I haven't got round to it.

saef, hope things go well for you in California. Perhaps a change will be as good as a rest. I join JayEll in hoping you find some way to change the situation of constant stress and demands on you.

ReillyJ Good to see you.

to everyone else. Lots of my clothes don't fit either.

I had my wedding band resized a year or so ago. Up half a size and it is much better. Had another ring that I had bridges put in to make it tighter, and was going to take it in for additional bridges when it slipped off unnoticed and I lost it. That was the ring DH gave me for Christmas a couple years ago. Not a diamond, but not cheap, either. He said I can order another one but I really don't feel as if I deserve it.

I'm back home and getting back into cooking and eating healthy food and snacks. Will weigh myself in 2 weeks and will probably be in the range I've been in for the last 3-4 months and that's fine.

Dagmar :

I'll be doing my basic exercises in a moment. I'm feeling so much better now I'm back into the heavy lifting every three or four days routine. It's every three or four days so I don't injure myself and I don't set myself unachievable goals. A bit of gardening and fresh air are also helping. And catching up on sleep which, for me, follows exertion.

Well done, Dagmar! It felt like a long haul at that pet sit. I'm so impressed at your confidence that you can get to the usual weight and your incredibleness that you will.

This morning, on Thursday, I was down a bit to 159.5.

Thanks, Jay, for your kindness, as I haven't being very kind to myself for the past few days.

I'm feeling better than I was a few days before, having flown West and successfully gotten myself to where I ought to be. I'm sitting in the atrium of a building in Santa Monica called the Water Garden. When my good friend gets off work in the next hour or so, we'll drive up to San Simeon for a few days.

Also I'm now interviewing next Friday for the second formal interview for a different job in my company.

Can you even get to San Simeon these days? I thought all the roads were washed out with slides. In any case, I hope you have a relaxing trip, saef.


DH started to come down with either a cold or sinus issues from the dry hotel air and really sounded horrible yesterday. He had an off day today and decided to sleep in. Wow. 11 hours of good sleep (thank goodness for a comfortable mattress and a quiet room!). He feels much better today.

And today we visited the Center of the Universe!

Silverbirch, I'll be attending the annual Alzheimer's research conference at ExCel London, near the London City Airport, but am also taking a few days before and after to make some side trips to Bath, Canterbury and Dover. I've brought DH with me, and we hope to visit several cousins and his aunt while we're here (his mother was English- lived near Hampstead Heath in London).

Sounds good, Andrea! Have a great time here - take us as you find us!

I'm implementing my 'go for a brief walk after lunch' protocol from today. I'm hoping it will stop me feeling so muzzy-headed in the afternoon and give me a bit more energy (then translating into eating less food in an attempt to give me that energy). Just about to put on my sandals and go out.

Checking in briefly on the eve before the working part of my California week starts.

No idea what I weigh. Eating has been ... weird. My friend likes to stay on the go which means she skips meals and we end up being opportunistic. I had hot dogs for the first time in maybe a decade because we were at Dodger Stadium for a concert and couldn't get through the crowds toward the one stand that sells healthy food -- compared with the multiple stands that sell junk. I have eaten Quest bars instead of lunch.

Two stints in the gym -- one at the inn where we stayed, the other at her condo's gym -- and some walking each day, though a lot of sitting through a two-night concert.

Tuesday. Back at work after the two week vacation. Weight up 2.3 pounds. Time to get SERIOUS!

In a minor fury that I have got fat so quickly (or so it seems to me). Also that I can't get a grip on my days at present. I have a plan and then something happens to change it all around.

I think the unpredictability of my days is the crux of it. I tried to get a handle on weight loss with the nurse. Big mistake. I tried to get a handle on it with highfat/lowcarb - quite good but I seem to have gone off the rails.

Fitness is going well though. I'm going for flexibility each morning, weights every three or four days, a short walk after lunch.

On reflection, I think I'm just in a minor fury about most things today. But it's the unpredictability that's doing me in.