Geez I'm such a wuss.. I've rewrote this a dozen times! This is the first forum I've joined in around five years, and on top of this I'm extremely shy when I don't know people, and I know none of you.. lol. So I'm sorry for this post already.
Well let's see. I'm 21 years old, I have a beautiful four year old daughter, she means everything to me and I love her to death. I have a fiance (recently engaged, recently got the ring.. sooooo sooo excited!) and he is amazing, sweetest, most caring guy in the world. I definitely THE guy for me. And me.. Well I'm pretty goofy once I get to know ya, I'm definitely a pretty weird person, but in a good way I swear! You'll find out. I love animals and videogames and art and I'm just crazy. Ok, ok, moving on.
Here I go.
I'm a good food junkie. I love good tasting food, I definitely over-indulge when something is around that I really like. It's so difficult for me to stick with any diet because I just slip up a little bit and then just blow it from there. It doesn't help that somehow the women in my family were blessed with the ability to hide their weight. No one knows how much I weigh, everyone's like "Seriously? Why are you on a diet?" and guesses my weight at 130 or something like that when in reality its been like 155 pounds. (But of course they haven't seen me, clothes off..) So I sort of use that whenever I want something "Come on, no one even notices.... your fine!! just eat it... eeeeaaatttt iiittt before someone else doessss....!" LOL I'm crazy. I wish I was joking but I'm not, the mini conversation with myself happens everytime. And the worse part is that I'm not even hungry!
My fiance weighs probably 120lbs, you'd think that would be enough to make me lose it. He's extremely skinny and lanky and he eats so much.. He's very lucky, though the funny thing is he's self consious about being too skinny and never gaining weight, he hates it. I wish I could just trade him.
Well what's really really prompted me this time, what I'm hoping will help me stay on track.. Okay here's our conversation.. I'm complaining about my weight to Kyle (my SO), and he says "Oh whatever, I think you're beautiful and you know that." And I say "Kyle, seriously. I've seen your ex-girlfriends and they are tiny, I know you'd much rather be looking at something like that naked than me." And..................... He - says - nothing. Just silence. Oh my god... I was sooo tore up inside. It twisted my stomach up and just made me feel horrible. Until that moment there was no indication that he was unhappy with my weight. And then it hit me all at once and I knew that it did matter to him. He would never say it to me, he would never act like I'd looked any fatter because he's a sweetheart. And so now I'm dieting for real this time guys! Everytime I want to break my diet I just think of that horrible silence and It helps. It was sort of my eye opener.
And honestly, I was chubby all through gradeschool, I went through being teased and called names. So I've always been self consious of my weight. But in junior high I lost it all and at 5'2 weighed 115 pounds up until my pregnancy. At the end of that I weighed 172 pounds, and after having my daughter I weighed 152 pounds. Whenever Kyle and I began dating I was at 135 pounds from that, and then somehow I guess I just got comfortable in my relationship, and we would always go out to eat together and somehow I got to 155 pounds. More than what I weighed after my pregnancy! What sort of crap is that! Well anyways, I'm at about 148 pounds now, and I want to get back down to 115, that's my goal. OH and I have a wedding to plan, and I definitely want to be whittled down before then!
Man I posted a lot.
Geez I'm sorry. Oh and basically I'm just here for some extra support to make sure I go through with it for real, and to make some really good friends that know where I'm at right now.
Thanks for reading!
Alright.. I'm new.
And I work with a bunch of like-minded girls, so all day at work we will be talking about our favorite dishes at our favorite eating joints, so you can imagine how I am by lunch, and then by the end of the day. Literally that's 65% of work conversation-food. I'm really glad to know this place helps so much, I've read alot of *goal* posts and its so motivating. I know I can do it this time. 
