[concertinas]

Hello everyone. I've been lurking here for a few days and wanted to introduce myself and become a member, you all seem like very nice people and I would love to help support you and be supported in the process. :]

So, this is my story, and it's somewhat long, so don't bother if you're not interested in hearing some kind of depressing/scary stuff.

I grew up a string bean kid. I was very tall and thin for my age. Around the time I hit puberty (which was really early, probably around 10~11) I began gaining out of control. On some school profile project we had to write our weight and my mom actually suggested I lie and put a smaller weight. From then until I was 15 or so I just continued to gain until I was upwards of 180 lb on a 5'7" frame. Really, 180 is not a weight to be ashamed of, but at 15, it was crushing. I was also dancing for a competitive company at the time and all of the other dancers were 90 pound sticks. I was insanely jealous.

Around age 16, I began developing what would turn into a very serious eating disorder. I was starving myself for days on end, using laxatives daily (sometimes an entire box at once), and religiously vomiting whatever I did eat. On top of that, I was exercising compulsively up to 3 hours a day, and abusing caffeine pills and diet pills to get myself thin. Needless to say I dropped an extreme amount of weight in a very short amount of time, until I reached an all time low of about 79 lb. My world came crashing down when I reached my lowest weight, I couldn't even control my bodily functions at that point. One day as I was driving home from school, I pulled into my driveway, opened the door, passed out and ended up peeing my pants with my body half out of my car. My parents decided to get me help, and I went into inpatient treatment. I came out at a normal weight, but still sick. I was extremely ill up until I finally flew into a seizure during my freshman year of college.

Since then I have been in the process of recovery. I have been everywhere from 100 to 165 pounds and back again. It is a perpetual challenge to be healthy every day, and I struggle to stay sane about food. Currently, I weigh 149 pounds, and my comfortable "happy" weight is 135. I never felt better than I did around 135. I would like to get back to that place (the safe way) and maintain. I realize it may sound sketchy to offer someone who is obviously eating disordered assistance in losing weight, but I am completely on track now and have a healthy (maybe at times a little TOO healthy ) love of food, especially starches, salty snacks, and carbohydrates like bread and pasta.

In essence, the reason I am here is to surround myself with stable, positive people, who understand what it's like to battle food. I am looking forward to interacting with you, and helping you all whenever I can.

[Kimmygoal]

This must be really hard... It's not like alcoholism. You can't stop eating.
What have you found that works best for you>

[concertinas]

Originally Posted by Kimmygoal

This must be really hard... It's not like alcoholism. You can't stop eating.
What have you found that works best for you>

It's honestly the sort of thing where sometimes I have good days, and other times I have bad days. Sometimes I can eat healthy balanced 2000 calorie diet and go to sleep happy, and other days I struggle to hold down breakfast.

These are the three driving forces behind my healthy new lifestyle.

1. Keeping my health and safety in mind. I wound up with several G.I. complications as a result of the laxative abuse, so I need to eat right or else I could lose part of my colon. I also don't want to be on the verge of death ever again, especially not because of my own doings.

2. I ended up finding a very supportive best friend / significant other and we have sort of formed our own family and helped each other through the hardest parts of our lives. We live together now and push each other to do our best day in and day out, and there is nothing more rewarding to me than watching him succeed, even if it's small steps, and I like to return the favor. It was kind of like, he showed up at the right place at the right time, and I kind of took it as a sign that I really AM supposed to do well with myself.

3. I know I am always going to be obsessed with food. My therapists have said that an eating disorder is never "cured", it is simply controlled. Like alcoholism, you are always in recovery. I know I care about food, so now I'm just interested in moderating food and exercise. Finding the smartest ways to keep myself healthy and happy while still enjoying some of my favorite treats has become a long term project for me, and it has been working well!

[meowee]

. . . so glad you found us and also very glad you are working so hard to stay off the Eating Disorder roller-coaster . . .

Do hope you'll have a look at the Chicks in Control Forum . . . http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=64 -- you will find others over there who are having the same struggles as you are.

Good Luck on your journey.