Crystal, that's a hard thing to deal with, and I can't say I have experience with a death like that. I don't know that this board can help you with overcoming those feelings, but maybe focusing on the weight loss and getting a new, healthier lifestyle, will be part of the healing process for you. Always, I think, we have to pick ourselves up and face forward, keep moving and going through the motions, even if that's all we can do for a while. Time can do a lot of healing on its own, and the rest is up to you. Sounds like you're ready for a new start, and I think you're on the right track. You've got a new job (congratulations!) and are ready to make changes that will bring the weight off. Focus on that. Take care of yourself!