Hello everyone, I was sittinghere thinking and I wanted to share a bit of my past with you and how what i dealt with then is effecting my weight issues now.
Growing up I was a very thin girl, I ate alot and never gained a pound.. until adfter i was released from the army at age 21. I had had no problems with my weight and didn't understand the struggles of those who were heavier than me. When I was released from the army I made personal choices that were not too wise and they landed me homeless in a state where I didn't really know anyone (my first love abandoned me at a friend house, said he'd be right back and never came back). I maybe weighed 98 pounds soaking wet and that is no exageration, my heaviest up to that point had been a healthy 135 pounds. Being homeless and hungry wreaked havoc on my body and would later in years cause me to struggle with my weight. I was lucky, I was working one of those carnivals that travel when I met the man I married and together we got off the streets. I didn't end up like so many homeless girls do either dead or a prostitute or both. When my husband took me clothes shopping I would shop in the kids department because my body was so tiny from not having any food. It wasn't sexy or beautiful, it was sick, my ribs stuck out, my arms and legs were so thin my husband was afraid to hug me for fear that he might hurt me. (I'm serious when I say I fell in love with Mike when he bought me a hamburger, I hadn't eaten more than a few crackers in about a week, I was near starvation)
Then as the 1st year went by I gained weight, got healthy looking, then one day none of my clothes fit!! I had gained over 80 pounds in my first year of marriage!! And I did what I had done before I ate because it made me feel better. When I was homeless and hungry food made me feel better, it gave me strength to move on, literally. I became addicted to food, like a person can become addicted to alcohol or drugs, and I needed to have full cupboards and fridge, because that way I knew it wass there.It's been 7 years since I felt that kind of hunger, but the pain of hunger may never fully leave my memory, because at one point I didnt have any food, now that I have food, well I eat an awful lot of it. Now I am over 200 pounds, my heaviest ever!! I am dealing with PCOS, stress from a dysfunctional family, and my addiction to food. I am making some progress.... I no longer eat as much junk food, I drink more water, and my cupboards are not a filled as they were because I have been able to let go of the fear that one day it will be taken away from me. Even admitting to myself that I have a problem with food is a big step forward because not 6 months ago I was in denial of that fact. Losing weight is not an acheivement easily won, but I have faith that I can win this battle, and when I see the me that has been trapped inside these extra pounds I will make apologies for how I treated myself and I will also be proud of what I have accomplished.
Thank you for giving me my moment on the soapbox, I will now retrun you to you regularly scheduled lives!
Wow. You are an extraordinary young woman. To deal with the things you have had to deal with, and to come out so articulate and and I don't know you leave me speechless. When I think of all the things that you could have turned to, you're just amazing. What an inspiration you are. When you talk about having to keep the cupboards and the fridge filled it makes perfect sense. I equate it to hearing stories about Holacaust survivors who do the same thing, and never, ever want to see a scrap of food left behind or wasted.
I too put on an enormous amount of weight in my first year of marriage. After looking back it had something to do with having my own food for the first time, but that's another story. I am now married almost 21 years. I am glad you are not waiting that long to take care of your weight.
I have no doubt at all that you will be successful in your weightloss journey. You sound like a determined, resourceful and extremely intelligent woman. This should be a piece of cake for you, all right maybe a piece of cake is not quite the right analogy to make. Well, we'll be right here for you to help you in any way that we can. I look forward to hearing from you, so please post often. And I wish you the best of luck.
That is certainly a traumatic past to deal with. How scary that must have been for you. Perhaps you can find some way to work through your years of being homeless, because that may take some effort to get over (through therapy or books or any other way to reflect and heal).
Maybe you can fill your cupboards with LOTS of food, but make it healthy stuff like fruits, veggies (canned or frozen if you're just working your way into veggies so they dont go bad if you're not consuming them like you would a bag of Doritos), organic cereals with a high fiber and protein content (like Kashi or Peace; these brands costs the same - believe it or not - than Kellogs, but are much healthier and more filling than the commercial brands), brown rice, lots of spices, cans of beans, frozen south beach diet meals (these are surprisingly tasty and low in calorie with not too many additives), crystal light, water, protein bars, lo cal protein hot cocoa (you can find it on the internet; its very filling and tasty). I could go on and on. Just stock up with healthy whole foods rather than the typical commercial brands of food with all their chemicals, fat and additives. This way you wont be quite as into munching on this stuff, and what you eat will be either lower in calories or more filling, and you will feel comforted knowing there is a lot of food around. Best of luck luv.
Thank you very much... I wanted to put my thoughts out there instead of letting them float around in my head. I really have been through a lifetime of eperience in a very short amount of time. I am currently trying to help my father and my brother both get off the streets (they have also made bad decisions and taken wrong roads that ended them up where the are, and I am so stressed because I am trying so hard for them, and they seem to think that it will pass and they will just walk of the streets one day and I can't sem to get it intot heir thick skulls that they need to use the tools God gave them and start taking care of themselves). It's a never ending battle, I can only share my experience with them and show them the lessons I learned when I was where they are....I feel like I am the parent more times than not!
I started a food journal this week where I record what I eat, how much, what time, and what my emotion was. I'm hoping that this account of my eating habits combined with working out at Curves, walking my pugs and riding my bike a few days a week will help. I know I want t to be easy but the hardest thing I am facing is my will power.... I keep telling myself, baby steps, baby steps, even though I want to race ahead and lose it as quick as I can... my goal weight is 150 pounds, once I reach that point then I might set another goal for 135...but i figured 150 is a good weight to shoot for int he beginning.
Thanky ou again for your warm welcome and advice and support..you guys are awesome!
The great thing about this weightloss stuff is you don't have to get to goal to start seeing and enjoying the results!!! In about 10 lbs you'll start seeing your clothing get looser and people will notice and you'll feel better, both mentally and physically and this will propell you to go further. It really, really sounds like you've got some great plans in place.
I'm so sorry what you're going through with your dad and brother. It must be very hard to sit by and watch them unwilling to help themselves. Unfortunately only they can make the changes themselves. But you most certainly are setting an incredible example for them. Maybe one day they will be motivated to make a change.
A bit of personal history
