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Old 12-02-2012, 10:40 PM   #1
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Angry Negative Comments From People

Hello. A quick rant about negative comments from people. Ahhhhh, just shut up please and refer to the old adage if you can't say anything nice, DONT say anything at all.

Why the rant you ask? Well today my aunt, whom I love dearly but is generally a bit of a downer, came over for a visit. The FIRST thing she said after being in my home for 2.5 seconds was "you know your grandma did this diet and she gained all of it right back". Hmmmmmmmmm, what to say? In my mind I am thinking are you suggesting that for the past 8 weeks I have been committed, dedicated, and diligent for nothing? That the minute I stop and resume maintainence I will gain it all back? That the second I stop, the 23lbs that I have busted my behind to loose will appear on my body? Seriously, is that what you are saying and where does that comment come into play? Are you trying to "warn" me...better stop now, its useless you will be heavy forever...why not just continue to eat whatever and gain weight because it's useless.

Of course, I did not say any of this. I responded with "well I think Grandma missed the phasing off and maintaining part". Her NEXT words, "no she said she tried".

OMG. What the **** is the point of you telling me this? Why do you feel its appropriate? How about, you look great, how are you feeling, what are you going to do to keep it off.

Ahhhhhhhh, and the saddest part to all of this is when she made the remark I questioned myself. 5lbs away from goal and I still cannot believe that I can do this. I am deathly scared of ending up where I was....

WTH is wrong with people, esp family who are supposed to love and support you.
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Old 12-02-2012, 10:49 PM   #2
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I totally agree. I was considering not telling anyone that I was on Ideal Protein because of this reason. I have also been met by less than supportive comments. Like "you are taking on too much quitting smoking and dieting" or "everyone that I know that has been on this diet has gained it back". I especially love the comments like "you need to change your lifestyle habits and lose it slow". Really? Like anyone who has struggled with their weight most of their life doesn't know every diet mantra out there. It is very frustrating and I feel your pain. Thank goodness there are forums like this, because sometimes this is the only form of support that I find.

Keep up the great work & smile at your aunt and change the subject
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:30 PM   #3
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I'm proud of you keeping your cool. You will need that shirt someone else was describing to wear on your maintenance anniversaries that says "How Do You Like Me Now?" or at least you can remind your Aunt every holiday season how well you are maintaining. Ahhh sweet sweet words, every year.
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:40 PM   #4
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wow! so sorry to hear this... I hear this kind of stuff all the time, too. I read this around in a different forum but maybe they're feeling something down on themselves and have to take it out on you? jealousy? envious? disbelief? could all be possibilities, and discouraging you is their way of dealing. I've noticed when family tells me this, it's the family members that are overweight themselves...interesting. You've done an awesome job; all your hard work and discipline CANNOT be dismissed, so keep your chin up! Keep losing, and when you have kept it off, she'll have a new story about knowing someone who was successful on the diet!
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:43 PM   #5
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Was your grandma really on IP? If what your aunt said is true maybe you can talk to your grandma about what her pitfalls with maintenance were so you can avoid them.
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Old 12-03-2012, 12:01 AM   #6
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oh wow people can be soooo unfeeling at times...if i had a dollar for all the times someone has said to me geee your fat and you need to lose weight i would be a millionaire...sometimes i say to them geeee i have not looked in the mirror lately...wow i can't believe i have gained that much weight so fast....thanks for telling me!!..i really don't like it when people presume you are not trying to do something about your weight problem how do they know you don't have a medical problem causing weight gain??..you know i think some people think you sit at home on the couch all of your life stuffing your face with junk food..i know this is not the case for a lot of overweight people and i am one of them....the fact is hun that you have lost heaps already...wow that is an amazing thing to acheive in itself.. and i think some people feel better about themselves when they put other people down..i feel sorry for them!!..keep on going the way you are and i am sure she will eat her words when you have lost all the weight and maintaining with little effort..you go girl...mind you i am not telling my mother i am getting healthy for that very reason..i just know she will say i told you so or something to that effect..sticks right in my craw that does!!..anyhows keep at it!!...all the best cheers liz
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Old 12-03-2012, 12:04 AM   #7
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Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.
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Old 12-03-2012, 06:14 AM   #8
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I'm learning that everyone I know is an expert on religion, politics and dieting! The comments people make can be utterly amazing and quite comical at times.
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Old 12-03-2012, 06:19 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eandc2006 View Post
Hello. A quick rant about negative comments from people. Ahhhhh, just shut up please and refer to the old adage if you can't say anything nice, DONT say anything at all.

Why the rant you ask? Well today my aunt, whom I love dearly but is generally a bit of a downer, came over for a visit. The FIRST thing she said after being in my home for 2.5 seconds was "you know your grandma did this diet and she gained all of it right back". Hmmmmmmmmm, what to say? In my mind I am thinking are you suggesting that for the past 8 weeks I have been committed, dedicated, and diligent for nothing? That the minute I stop and resume maintainence I will gain it all back? That the second I stop, the 23lbs that I have busted my behind to loose will appear on my body? Seriously, is that what you are saying and where does that comment come into play? Are you trying to "warn" me...better stop now, its useless you will be heavy forever...why not just continue to eat whatever and gain weight because it's useless.

Of course, I did not say any of this. I responded with "well I think Grandma missed the phasing off and maintaining part". Her NEXT words, "no she said she tried".

OMG. What the **** is the point of you telling me this? Why do you feel its appropriate? How about, you look great, how are you feeling, what are you going to do to keep it off.

Ahhhhhhhh, and the saddest part to all of this is when she made the remark I questioned myself. 5lbs away from goal and I still cannot believe that I can do this. I am deathly scared of ending up where I was....

WTH is wrong with people, esp family who are supposed to love and support you.
Congratulations on your weight loss, nicely done! Fact is a significant % of people regain the weight that they lose (regardless of the plan), BUT that doesn't have to be YOU!

There are many of my friends who wish I would stop going to extremes and I get it! Yo-yo weighing is not healthy. Bottom line is those of us who fluctuate keep working at it... Who can criticize the attempt to improve ourselves?

So that is my response, "I constantly am trying to improve myself. Thank you for noticing and caring about me." Generally they stop there!
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Old 12-03-2012, 06:27 AM   #10
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I heard the same thing from the secretary at work. I have now decided after hearing it repeatedly that I'm not going to talk about how I'm losing but just offer a simple thank you and leave it at that.
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Old 12-03-2012, 07:23 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ckmainprize View Post
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.
Wow.
Im sorry your sister is being like that
I choose not to be around people who treat me like that
I love the line in lizardau's post: "Some people feel better when they are putting others down."
I wonder if that would work with your sister, or something like, "Is there a reason you feel the need to put me down and taunt me rather than support me?"
Of course, only you know your sister. Sometimes pointing it out becomes inflammatory
Good luck.
And right before holiday family time, too
Ugh
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Old 12-03-2012, 09:19 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ckmainprize View Post
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.
WOW - I canNOT imagine my sisters doing this... So my first thought was "this woman needs a hug" and my second thought was "her sister has some self esteem issues".

She is trying VERY hard and being very obvious about sabatoshing you. If it was me, I would reflect on that and try to figure out why...which could help you understand her a bit better and be able to block her out when she gets like that. It almost sounds like she's angry with you, which is amusing if you really re-frame it. What goal isn't she meeting...that's causing her to be angry with you for meeting YOUR goal. Would be interesting to know.

I had a lot of negative comments while on Phase 1 and the first few months of maintenance they continued (they are slowing down now, very rare). HOWEVER, the new you becomes the new norm....no matter what...don't let someone else dull your shine!! E-V-E-R. If they are trying to sabatosh you, it's their 'sh*t not yours. And remember if they are jealous, go look in the mirror, fluff your hair and say "hey babe, someone is jealous of YOU!'

The comments can be difficult and draining...BUT many a person said very VERY nice things to me...to help me get over the negativity. I made a lits of them and put them on my desk at work so that they were in my face when someone was negative.

That list is still there (I actually look at it daily). The shine one is #1
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Last edited by Ishbel : 12-03-2012 at 09:20 AM.
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Old 12-03-2012, 09:29 AM   #13
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It is always hurtful when people sya negative things about your eating..even though it is none of their business. Keep believign in yourself and follow your own road to being healthy. Even when you reach goal weight and maintain, you may have jealous insecure people making negative comments. However, there are also many positive comments. Focus on staying positive and fighting for what you believe in.
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Old 12-03-2012, 09:35 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ishbel View Post
WOW - I canNOT imagine my sisters doing this... So my first thought was "this woman needs a hug" and my second thought was "her sister has some self esteem issues".

She is trying VERY hard and being very obvious about sabatoshing you. If it was me, I would reflect on that and try to figure out why...which could help you understand her a bit better and be able to block her out when she gets like that. It almost sounds like she's angry with you, which is amusing if you really re-frame it. What goal isn't she meeting...that's causing her to be angry with you for meeting YOUR goal. Would be interesting to know.

I had a lot of negative comments while on Phase 1 and the first few months of maintenance they continued (they are slowing down now, very rare). HOWEVER, the new you becomes the new norm....no matter what...don't let someone else dull your shine!! E-V-E-R. If they are trying to sabatosh you, it's their 'sh*t not yours. And remember if they are jealous, go look in the mirror, fluff your hair and say "hey babe, someone is jealous of YOU!'

The comments can be difficult and draining...BUT many a person said very VERY nice things to me...to help me get over the negativity. I made a lits of them and put them on my desk at work so that they were in my face when someone was negative.

That list is still there (I actually look at it daily). The shine one is #1
"LIKE"...what she said It's so sad that some friends and family can't be more supportive...my heart breaks for those that are dealing with that. HUGS to everyone
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Old 12-03-2012, 09:51 AM   #15
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Don't let that get you down. There are a lot of people out there that are glass half empty and they like to try and bring everyone else down with them. Nothing can take away from your success.

Most of my family is supportive, but my MIL has mentioned a couple times how IP is contrary to what "they" tell you about how to eat...this comment always comes after I tell her I can't have any fruit.

Last time I almost yelled "IT'S JUST WHILE I'M LOSING WEIGHT!" I've explained this to her before...no fruit, bread or dairy until I am at goal weight.
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