So Both Hubby and I started at the same time...
He was at 257
I was at 267
We started Sept. 26 which makes it about 7 weeks
He is now at 219!!!
While im at 240 !!!!
I have lost 27 lbs and
he has lost 38 lbs!!!
I know women loose slower than men, and Ive also been dealing
With health issues. First I had the stomach flu....then I had 2 cortizone lumbar shots for herniated disks, then I had to take a Medrol pack (oral cortizone) for my lungs. Dr told me the steroids would slow down my loses....
But my point is...it gets me upset hes lost so much with the same effort ive put in!!! Lol!
Now I feel like I'm playing the catch up game with him!
More modivation to catch up :P...besides since he seems to be losing pretty quickly he'll slow his down while you will be holding steady :P bahaha beat him.
It soooooo motivated me!!!! Lol! I just dont know how to speed it up! Maybe drink more water....eat more lettuce....maybe not eat any bars at ALL... AHHHHH! LOL!
I've experienced both sides (being the one always in the lead, and being the one always behind) with my mother and grandmother growing up and with my husband. And I didn't find either motivating in the least. Always being in the lead was in some ways worse than being the one lagging behind.
In my experience, when family members, especially in the same household are trying to lose weight simultaneously, competition is a natural impulse - but it's a dangerous one. It's difficult to support and compete at the same time, and if one person is always in the lead, resentment/frustration/discouragement can be the result (all resolve killers) and not just for the family member with the slowest weight loss. It sucks for the person in the lead too.
.
With my mother and grandmother, I was usually in the lead. Though when my mother and I joined Weight Watchers six months before my wedding - she lost 60 lbs and I gained 10. With the stress of the wedding planning, I probably would have gained 60 if I hadn't joined WW with her.
With my husband, he was usually in the lead. However "this time" I am. Probably because he's more physically disabled than I am, and he's on more medications that interfere with weight loss.
When you're consistently in the lead, it feels like you're somehow doing something wrong or "unfair." You feel the anger and resentment of the other person, and don't know what to do about it - Gloat? Deliberately fail so they can catch up? Respond with anger and resentment of your own?
When you're consistently the one lagging behind, you feel cheated. It's not fair. You feel anger and resentment, and then guilt for feeling anger and resentment. It isn't motivating, especially when there's no reasonable way to catch up. You're tempted to do desperate and even unhealthy and dangerous things to "catch up" telling yourself you're only going to do it just this one time in order to experience a "win" at the next weigh-in. And whether it succeeds or not, it just reinforces and increases the temptation to do more crazy stuff to "win."
My husband had a really hard time learning to accept my "being in the lead" because he's the man - he's "supposed to lose faster." It made him think he was doing something terribly wrong to not be losing faster than I was.
I didn't want to tell him what I lost, because I didn't want to discourage him.
I felt responsible for my weight loss and his. "Winning" was discouraging, because I felt like I was somehow cheating him out of something (even though I knew that was irrational).
In earlier weight loss attempts, when my husband was in the lead - he couldn't stand being in the lead, because he saw my discouragement (and anger) and would quit, because to him weight loss wasn't worth seeing me upset. Then I'd feel guilty for derailing him.
And my husband's not a jerk or a whiny baby - I felt exactly the same way when the tables were turned.
When I was a kid, going to WW with my mom and grandma, I felt the same way about being in the lead. As if I was somehow sabotaging and undermining my mom and grandma's success by losing faster than they were.
It took most of the joy out of succeeding. I would be embarassed to tell them how I did, because I knew they'd feel bad (and even though they'd congratulate me and try to hide their disappointment - they couldn't).
My husband and I have had to learn to re-channel our competitive impulses. We can't aim them at each other, or we both lose (and not weight). We get discouraged and give up, if we become adversaries.
To avoid competition with each other, we don't share "exact" numbers with each other, nearly as often. "We both lost this week, Yeaah - we don't need to know who lost more."
We find ways to compete "as a team." In October, we joined our YMCA's "Passport to Fitness" program. We were given a "passport" with lists of activities on them and we had to complete twelve 30-minute activities over the course of 12 days in October. Those who completed the challenge earned a free hoodie sweatshirt.
It was awesome, because we both encouraged each other to get to the gym so "we can get our sweatshirts."
We focus on competing with ourselves not each other. When we go to the gym, we're trying to beat our own records, not each others. I use an activity log to write down what I've done, and how long I've done it. For example my time and distance on the treadmill. The time and number of laps of swimming....
We find ways to compete with others (just not EACH other). Well, I do anyway. Hubby says he doesn't want to compete with anyone (but he's fibbing a bit to himself. I saw the pride on his face when he realized he was doing more than the thinner, younger man beside him).
But how I compete with others is through my TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) group. Even so, I don't compete with the "fastest loser" (which I would have in the past), but with the average. When our weight recorders announce the total gains, total losses and the net gain/loss - I divide that by the number of members to get the average net gain or loss. If I beat the average, I've "won" that week. Most weeks I win (and it's not at my husband's expense, so I don't feel even a smidgen of guilt or ambiguity about it).
So Both Hubby and I started at the same time...
He was at 257
I was at 267
We started Sept. 26 which makes it about 7 weeks
He is now at 219!!!
While im at 240 !!!!
I have lost 27 lbs and
he has lost 38 lbs!!!
I know women loose slower than men, and Ive also been dealing
With health issues. First I had the stomach flu....then I had 2 cortizone lumbar shots for herniated disks, then I had to take a Medrol pack (oral cortizone) for my lungs. Dr told me the steroids would slow down my loses....
But my point is...it gets me upset hes lost so much with the same effort ive put in!!! Lol!
Now I feel like I'm playing the catch up game with him!
(sorry just needed to vent once again....)
Vent away. But you already know guys loose it so much easier than we do. I'm doing this program with my daughter who started two weeks after me, needed to loose about 30 pounds and is already halfway to her goal. Me on the other hand will still be on this when the first three phases are only a distant memory for her. My point is there will always be someone ahead of us for whatever reason. So we have to look at it as we are happy for their journey and our journey, even though they maybe very different from each other.
If you look at it as a competition then you are failing yourself from the start. Look at it as a Personal Journey instead. It is about YOU, not what your hubbie is going through. You are unique as is your metabolish. Hang in there and focus on your own weight loss, etc.
You're certainly allowed to vent your frustrations here. It does stink that men lose weight quicker than women. On the other hand, while DH loses weight much quicker than me, he ALSO puts on weight more quickly than I do!!! Not something I'd want.
So far we're at very different parts in our weight loss journey. I've lost a pretty big chunk of weight over a long period of time (almost 1.5 years) and he's lost a big amount (about half of what I've lost) in a short period of time (about 2 or 3 months now). I don't envy where he's at, though, or his speed of weight loss. It's taken awhile for me but it's also been enough time to establish good habits and build up the confidence I need for the long haul. He's doing great but is still figuring everything out and hasn't quite settled into his diet if that makes sense.
I tend to see my slow weight loss as a blessing in disguised. Sure, I would love to wake up tomorrow at 140lbs but I'm not sure if that's sustainable. I still have a lot of journey to go through before I get to that point, hopefully I'll learn a lot during that time.
BTW, congrats on YOUR weight loss! It sounds like you've been through a lot with all your medical problems, yet you've still stuck to your plan, that's an amazing accomplishment!
Try not to get down on your self... It has always been know statitically that men loose faster... but the question you can keep in mind is who will keep it off?? )
Try not to get down on your self... It has always been know statitically that men loose faster... but the question you can keep in mind is who will keep it off?? )
Jelly you are SOOOOO correct on that!!....some guys will go back to their old habits and gain it back quickly, except the guys here with us, they have worked hard and have their minds set up to stay healthy!
My husband has lost faster since we started but this past week's weigh in he stayed the same and I lost more than him. We know this isn't a competition between each other but a fight against fat and we are on the same team fighting against the same enemy. If he looses more we win, if I loose more we win, if we both loose, we win, if we both don't lose, we keep going to win the race.
My husband has lost faster since we started but this past week's weigh in he stayed the same and I lost more than him. We know this isn't a competition between each other but a fight against fat and we are on the same team fighting against the same enemy. If he looses more we win, if I loose more we win, if we both loose, we win, if we both don't lose, we keep going to win the race.
Peace :-)
Kathy
Thats exactly how we are, just couldnt help feel a bit jealous thos past WI. We both put on the weight after we got married and made a commitment to loose it together! We figured if we both did it together it would be easier for us, and it honestly has! I dont think i would have gone this far without him!
Thank you all, and congrats on all your weight loss journey!!! I know how much dedication and will power it takes to stay OP!
My husband and I started the same day too. He had about 30 to lose, i had about 75. I knew he would lose faster, phase off faster but it is motivating to prepare meals together, discuss how we feel, struggles etc.
But he is almost to goal, and i am slow and steady. It is frustrating but i just remember that both of us are healthy for it.
I do get jealous knowing he will be eating bread soon. LOL
Same thing in my household, we started the same day and I am down 72 and the wife is down 46 so far.
I have been pretty consistent overall and she has had a lot more fluctuation.
Don't dwell on it too much, I have 20 pounds to go and I believe the wife has about 25 or 30, not sure, I have never really asked her to nail down a goal weight as I am sure most of you women can understand why I haven't asked.
Thank you Wuv for the vote of confidence about the men here, saved me having to defend myself in this post lol.
It's nice to have a partner in the diet, but remember in the end you have to do it for yourself first.
Hubby is losing more than Me!!!
)
