But even though I've done my research and made a decision that I think would be right for my family (we'll see when we get there, mind you), there's a big difference between saying "well I'm going to homeschool my kids" and "I've heard homeschooling is pretty good, statistically speaking." Because then it becomes a conversation topic and a way for people to integrate some information or share their own opinions, instead of something that could be taken as judgmental.
That's how I phrased it, pretty much, how too much screen time can be bad for growth at a young age, and sure enough, someone had to talk about their awesome straight-A kid who does tons of activities and who watches TV. OK. You've got a great kid. It seems that no matter how you phrase it, people will always see it as judgmental.
Good luck with homeschooling your future nonexistent kids. My cousin in-laws were part of a homeschooling group and they're great kids, I think they're 20 now. Of course, raising kids is a crapshoot, you do what you can and at the end of the day have to hope for the best.
I think you are missing the point. I don't know why people on your facebook are defending tv, or their tv watching kids. I think that's about as helpful as defending that your kids eat junk food or drink soda. By the way, my kids have never had soda, but I won't tell people in real life that. I never tell anyone, unless they offer the kids a soda, at which my kids will politely decline and if something is said to them about it, especially if it is pushed on them. Like "oh honey don't you want a soda though?" Then I will say something. This has only happened once. Only once person knows they've never had soda. Everyone else has never given it a thought about them drinking water at parties. I don't post it on facebook. We make this choice for our kids, not to broadcast it on facebook. If no tv is something so important to you and your spouse, then leave it between you and your spouse.
Anyway, you are still focused on the tv being the issue and not that you are forming opinions on something which you know nothing about. Yes, if you are not a parent, it doesn't matter how many dogs you've had, or If you babysit a lot or have an education degree...you don't know what its like to parent until you do. On the topic of the tv, in my opinion, it doesn't offer anything else than any other form of entertainment. Can programs be educational? Sure. But kids don't need tv for that. They can get it else where. Its just passive entertainment.
I think the issue is you are already planning for kids that don't exist. And while having some discussions are important, like schooling, discipline preferences, religions you may or may not want to raise your kids with...talking about whether they will watch tv, is well,....it shows how little you know about parenting. Its up there with the non parents that concern themselves with whether or not their kids will use a pacifier. I always find that funny, childless (and new moms do this too) worrying about pacifiers, as if the child's entire future rests on that choice. Its naïve to think that way. TV is not a big issue, but your inexperience in parenting can cause you to focus on those things. There are bigger fish to fry, but you can't understand that yet.
Even deciding on schooling is really something you will need to do when you know your child, you district etc. Every child is different. I have always been against homeschooling for many reasons. And before I have kids, I said I would never harm my kids by homeschooling them....and right now my husband and I are deciding to possibly homeschool our 7 y/o. But its not cut and dry. When you don't have kids you imagine what they will be like. But they might not be like that. My oldest son is autistic and ADHD. He is very bright, but has a lot of social challenges. Its tough because I don't feel academically he is being challenged like he should. But socially, he needs those typical peer models and structure of school. It would be great to say with a 4y/o, 17 month old and new baby in March that I could keep that kind of ridged schedule at home, but I know I can't. A typical kid might be ok if math is done at 9am one day and 10am the next, but something like that would be a problem with my son. However, I don't feel that his needs are being properly addressed in school, and that being home means he would not be having some of the difficulties he is having related to his needs. Before I had kids, I made my choices on schooling based on some imagination of what my kids would be like, now what they are actually like.
See the point I'm making is you are making choices but those choices are going to be greatly influenced by your children, which don't exist.
Its normal for you to focus on such little things, because the big problems, the worries that really weigh heavy on your mind, come with the child. Children that are born with a severe birth defect, or mentally challenged. Or a child that is so painfully shy, that you are more worried about him or her making friends than whether or not they watch tv. Or a child that does not stop moving or talking, you may wish they'd sit and watch tv! My oldest can "watch" a program, but he's always doing something at the same time. Actually I have to admit all my kids inherited my inability to sit the **** down and watch tv. (I've never been a movie or tv person. I have a few shows I like, but I'll usually do something else while watching) So tv isn't an issue here, because I have to lead them to it, they never ask to watch it. We've had weeks were the box didn't work so the tv didn't get channels and the kids didn't care. I cared though! In fact I'd love there to be a day that they'd veg out in front of the tv for hours so I can get some peace...but usually I can get 20 mins out of them so I can get something done (dinner, clean puke up you know that kind of stuff), and even then they are fighting, moving, climbing and fidgeting.
You may have a child that is born blind and this won't even be an issue.
My point is what you think is so important that you have to post about it on facebook before you even have kids, really doesn't deserve that much time or discussion. When the time comes, but don't buy a tv. It will be a blip on your radar with your kids, especially as they get older. Mine are still young, and I worry about the teen years yet to come.
I know you want to defend your position, but really posting your opinion on parenting when you aren't a parent on facebook, is tacky. Sorry.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 01-07-2015 at 09:11 PM.
FWIW, there are ways to enrich learning without being bumped up in school. I was and it wasn't pretty. There are certain developmental stages in life and it's a burden on a kid to have to jump some and try to fit in along the way.
As for kids/no kids, well...people are going to give advice, and you can take it or leave it. And if you give that advice on a public forum, be prepared to be challenged. It's the internet, people! And people without kids can give advice about kids - don't have to have them to see what's going on in a family or to make suggestions.
And for what it's worth, blind people actually DO watch TV. I think some people need to check their facts about what challenges "blind people" actually face. Honestly.
I was going to say.... I used to babysit a blind boy and his sister, and we'd watch TV and I'd describe what was going on. He also LOVED his Game Boy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by misspixie
FWIW, there are ways to enrich learning without being bumped up in school. I was and it wasn't pretty. There are certain developmental stages in life and it's a burden on a kid to have to jump some and try to fit in along the way.
My mom used to make us do workbooks over the summer. We'd go to the teacher supply store and get like 2 or 3 each. I feel like all of us were pretty ahead. And yes, I want to do the same thing with my future nonexistant kids
Last edited by banditbear; 01-08-2015 at 10:44 PM.
Wondering if GlamorGirl has ever heard of Described Video, which provides descriptions of programs alongside and amongst the regular audio feed. It's designed specifically for Visually Impaired people to assist them in enjoying progamming.
Wondering if GlamorGirl has ever heard of Described Video, which provides descriptions of programs alongside and amongst the regular audio feed. It's designed specifically for Visually Impaired people to assist them in enjoying progamming.
There are bigger fish to fry, but you can't understand that yet.
^It kind of boils down to this.
Parents like us aren't trying to sound judgmental, the hardcore truth (which most won't admit to) is that parenting can be extremely frustrating and hard especially if you have a child that has problems. For some of us TV is the least of our problems. SO... just take it with a grain of salt.
PREFACE: This is a bit off-topic. Also, it is NOT intended as any kind of attack on any person here for decisions they have made for their own children. I am talking about my personal experience and what I think should have been done for me, but I am not your kid. You know your kid (hopefully). I do not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by misspixie
FWIW, there are ways to enrich learning without being bumped up in school. I was and it wasn't pretty. There are certain developmental stages in life and it's a burden on a kid to have to jump some and try to fit in along the way.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses and I was unable to pursue my strengths to the level I could have in school, because of decisions that were made for me without my knowledge. As an example, I used to spend my lunch break doing long division problems for fun. I'd learned something new and exciting, and I wanted to practice it over and over. But long division had to last me most of that year, because nobody fed me anything new, and I didn't have the resources or the knowledge to go looking for new things. All I knew was I liked long division. If someone had explained algebra to me that year, I would have eaten it for breakfast and wanted more for lunch. I had similar experiences in Reading/Writing, Science, and other subjects.
In contrast, Physical Education was something I hated and did badly at. Should I have been held back in school every year if I were to fail PE? Should my math skills not be allowed to develop further just because I was behind in another area? And why are social skills any different?
Why would you hold back someone's potential to ensure development in another area? Instead, why not allow free range to pursue strengths, and work on weak areas concurrently? (In my case, there were no resources available outside of school to enhance in specific areas. My single-parent mom did not have the time or money to provide them, and the internet wasn't available. However, the school did have resources to provide support if I had social transitioning or other issues as a result of being bumped up, and I should note again that it was the school that recommended I be bumped up grades).
As an aside, I can say with relative certainty that I would still be the way I am (in a personal/social sense) if I had been bumped ahead years. And if not, I would at worst be more "normal" than I am. I didn't drink until I was 21 (here the drinking age is 19), I didn't have sex until the same year, I still don't have a driver's license; I've never been subject to peer pressure. I've also never had an interest in spending time with groups, so being left out of trips didn't (and still doesn't) bother me. I function well in society (as a result of a development process I consciously forced on myself after high school), but I still choose to avoid it when I have more interesting things to do.
You say it was a burden for you to jump ahead years, and my response to that is that you must have had some priorities and interests that I didn't have. Perhaps your parents made the wrong call, and perhaps if I'd had an interest in "fitting in" then my mother's decision would have been more legitimate. But in the meantime, it's upsetting to think that I could have gone so much further while I still had the energy and enthusiasm of a child. What a waste!
Luckily I still have curiosity and a pretty good dose of enthusiasm, so all is not lost.
I've always found that if one feels the need to preface a comment with "don't take this personally" or "this isn't an attack on anyone" then they are perfectly aware that it is meant to do so.
The grass is always greener on the other side, faiora. To have a well rounded age appropriate experience in school does not happen if bumped up in grades. Schools know this, which is why it isn't done very often. You may feel that you are/were somehow more superiorly rounded as an individual than I am/was (which is what you say in your post), but I can assure you that unless you are in that specific place at that time, you can't make the assertion that you would have been just fine. You can be as "social" as possible, but the facts remain that 12 year old interactions are different from 15 year old interactions. It's just the way it is. And I speak from personal experience, and that of my brother who was pushed ahead, and my sister who was pushed ahead and my husband who was pushed ahead. This is why schools are reluctant to push kids ahead in school (and reluctant to hold them back).
As for not having internet nor resources to enrich your life, well, neither did I. But we all had access to the public and school libraries and clubs at school etc. Not one of us came from a background of wealth and privilege -- my husband was from a single parent family of NINE CHILDREN before the age of Internet, well below the poverty line. Each of us was able to enrich our personal learning experience without tutors, special classes or the internet, to the point of being pushed ahead which was done at the initiative of the school not our parent/s.
If you haven't gone "further" in life, then that's a result of your adult choices, not to be blamed on your lack of being "pushed through" as a child. I've found that those with the capabilities to succeed will tend to do so at all stages of life. Academic learning does not end at school. Personally, based on your post, there is no doubt in my mind that had you been pushed up, you'd have another set of reasons for not having "succeeded" mostly around the issue of being pushed up in grades.
And just keep in mind that I come at this from a position of direct experience and not one of speculation and "what might have been". It is what it is, and I wouldn't recommend this path to many.
slightly off topic....but if you homeschool, speaking as one who was homeschooled until 8th grade, please please(!!) make sure your kids get the social skills and social involvement that they would if going to a public school....i was homeschooled on a remote area and didn't get that and it was a HARD(!!) social adjustment when I finally had to go out in the world, make friends, be a friend, not to mention romantic attachments etc
not trying to knock homeschooling at all, because i've also considered it for my kids....just sharing a thought with you
Thank you!!! I am just retiring after 40 years as a teacher. Actually my postition now involves assessment, often of homeschooled students as provincial govenment needs to monitor that their programs are giving them the necessary skills. What we find is that many homeschooled kids do really well academically, but also a good number have difficulty because if there are learning difficulties, many parents won't have the supports available when learning is not going as planned.
I have taught many hundreds of students over these years, many with learning disabilities as that is my specialty. None were as difficult as me teaching my own ADHD son. He is grown and educated now, the schools did far better with him than I would because emotions were not so intense.
But school is not only about academics, in school we learn to network and interact socially. We also learn to work with people who are different than ourselves.
Maybe straying from the topic but I often hear people who regreat that they can't afford to stay home and homeschool their kids, but that is not the ideal situation fot everyone.
I've always found that if one feels the need to preface a comment with "don't take this personally" or "this isn't an attack on anyone" then they are perfectly aware that it is meant to do so.
Pardon me? I finished writing my thread, and then realized that although my intentions are good, this kind of post is often misconstrued when I post it. So I pointed out above my post that I was only talking about myself... which, if you read through my post, is entirely true. I'd rather not be told what I mean by things.
As an aside, I'm happy with the successes I've had in life. I make better than average money, I have a job I'm happy with and am free to pursue my hobbies, and I do attribute that to my adult successes. I'm frankly offended at your implication that I'm blaming some kind of failure on my childhood experiences. I've worked hard to get where I am. It would just be nice if that hard work had happened when I had more energy and enthusiasm for it.
I'm free to form opinions on my own experiences, just like you're free to form opinions about yours. Let's do our best to keep this a safe place to share our opinions with each other.
You may feel that you are/were somehow more superiorly rounded as an individual than I am/was (which is what you say in your post)
Actually, I simply said I had some strengths that I wasn't able to pursue, and that we all have strengths and weaknesses. I have definitely always had weaknesses and I pointed out a few in my post.
I don't think I was more well-rounded than anyone else, and I wouldn't try comparing myself to you because I have no idea what your strengths and weaknesses are. It's entirely possible you were much more well rounded than me.
It seems you read the red text at the top of my post and made a decision about what I was saying before you read anything at all. That's probably my fault for using red bold text, and for phrasing the disclaimer the way I did. I'll try and work on that for next time so this doesn't happen again.
