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Old 06-14-2014, 06:34 AM   #1
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Default Huge changes ahead and nervous

Going through a massive change in the next few weeks, how do you stay sane? Right now I've been a SAHM for 4 years and an expat.

We are moving to an english-area (reverse culture shock), 4000km away, no family there, staying in a hotel 1 month with an autistic 4 yo and 1 yo, buying a house that costs 2x our current mortgage, I need a fulltime job AND my kids go to daycare.

I'm terrified that I will stress eat I'm nervous about my baby in daycare.

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Old 06-14-2014, 08:13 AM   #2
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Those are a lot of changes all at once. But exciting and wonderful all at the same time. Are you finding yourself getting bogged down by negative thoughts due to fear? Fear is not a force that descends on us without our permission. It needs to be invited in, like a vampire lol. It comes on its own, but you have to let it in in order for it to consume you. I rather like to think of fear like a mosquito, buzzing around trying to bug me. If I focus too much on that mosquito it bothers me more and more.

Can you focus on the positive things instead, the things that you're excited about? I love this quote: "Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right." Whenever you have a negative thought you need to battle it with at least one, if not not more, positive thoughts. For example when you hear yourself saying "I don't know anyone in that area" immediately counter it with "what a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and make more friends" and "thank goodness I won't be running into anyone I know at the grocery store anymore!" and "I'm looking forward to my mother in law not popping over unannounced all the time!"

Moving is scary, but it's also great. Most importantly, how you deal with this change and transition in your life is crucial because it models transitioning for your kids. Your stress becomes their stress, your excitement becomes their excitement. They're in for a big change and they're looking to you to help them understand how they should deal with it.

"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth
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Old 06-14-2014, 08:25 AM   #3
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Moving is one of those life events that I am not sure you can stay sane through. I have a sibling going through the same thing right now -- or pretty close -- and this is my advice to you and her (I've moved a lot):

- Have a plan (timeline) of when things have to happen. Start working backwards (now) to figure out what has to happen when.

e.g. if the move is August 1, then you know you need to select the movers, packers, and insurance basically now.

- Declutter and get rid as much as you can, but not anything that your kids or your family will want later (someone else I know basically sold every last item they owned during one move and then regretted selling the baby clothes)

- Research your new city (if it's new to you) and get familiar with the stores, kid activities, and places you will frequent.

The Internet is a great thing! You can start reading reviews on daycare/helpers, best grocery stores, etc.

- See if your extended family will help you take care of the kids while you pack and do a lot of the preparations

If you can afford (or the company will pay) for you to travel to the new city for a house-hunting trip, take it (and have family stay with the babies). It'll be easier if you can find a house and have it in escrow/closing when you get there. Then the 4 weeks you have in the hotel, you can use to fix up the house, paint it or baby proof it, and then move your stuff and have it ready for the kids.

- Know it's going to be crazy and don't give yourself permission to use THAT to eat unhealthy. You need energy and to be sharp to get through and help the kids with the transition. In your timeline, schedule a massage or another relaxation activity to reduce your stress. Plan meals now on the worst days (moving day usually = pizza for the family and movers, which is not the healthiest food).

Good luck. It's a lot of stress.

I've been an expat and returned and gone back again and on and on, and I sympathize with what you're going through. It'll be okay. It won't be great, but it'll be okay.
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