Yes an enigma at that...sometimes to myself.
Yeah, the joke fell flat. I have to say there was great relief all around when I took the terrible outfit off and showed up in the "real" dress and shoes. I realized then and there that some (not all) of my funkiness was despite my better judgement in order to separate myself from my overly conservative and always externally proper family.
I'm still funky and artsy in attire and attitude but in a way that is less extreme I think and more reflective of who I really am. I "got it" after the joke that no one got. The punchline was for me.
And, lest anyone think that I don't love my mother and am disloyal by talking about family business online, I do love her, second I suppose to my chosen pack of husband and an old and very special dog. I have lived my life trying to be an open book after watching secrets destroy my family.
My mother is estranged from her siblings, her brother estranged from a couple of his children, everyone angry at everyone else. It's only in the past few years that I have a real relationship with my siblings. It's no way to live. If even one person recognizes something and gets free of their past to any degree by my sharing what went wrong, I'll have done some good.
I also liked AKlaughter's post. I have read a lot of what she posted here and there and having witnessed the generational issues of the AK native, it's clear that something is very wrong. Fetal alcohol syndrome is a terrible tragedy and many natives have problems with alcohol and/or sugar. I am positive that genes play an important role in this, as does generational legacy.
On my father's side we have something like a 16th Canadian native American ancestry and those genes have come out in my grandfather (diabetic), father (diabetic with alcohol issues) and me (diabetic). We all had/have the high cheekbones and broad open planes across our faces, both men got the coloring and prominent noses. I got my coloring and nose from my blond Austrian mother. I find this conversation particularly interesting and an important part of my life for the past few years.
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