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Sex and fat rolls

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Old 07-27-2013, 02:50 PM   #1
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Unhappy Sex and fat rolls

So heres my problem. I got fat rolls. Im sure others can relate. I dont feel attractive. I dont get hit on ever. My fiancee says im beautiful, but when it comes to sex i cringe. When his hands brush over my fat rolls im so repulsed and want to curl up into a ball and just shy away from any contact what so ever. What also dosent help is that im a hairy beast. I got so much hair on my arms and on my stomach i look like a female Chewbacca.

So my question is this, am i alone feeling this way? Is anyone else so repulsed by your body you dont want to be touched?
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Old 07-27-2013, 03:23 PM   #2
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I'm sure if your fiancee says you're beautiful, you are. Why would he say that if he felt disgusted? I had a boyfriend tell me that he thought I was a lot more attractive since I lost weight, not because he noticed the loss but because I was so much more confident. When I start feeling disgusted with myself, I avoid mirrors and scales like the plague and go do something that has nothing to do with looks or weight or food, like playing a game of tennis or watching a funny movie.

Also, I feel a lot more confident with my body when I keep all my body hair well maintained. It's a hassle and can be pricy but I think my comfort is worth it. Have you tried sugaring? I love it!
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Old 07-27-2013, 04:18 PM   #3
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I am sorry you are feeling this way right now! Weight loss will help with "the rolls", but there will always be seething that doesn't "fall" right, ya know?

For example, I no longer feel self conscious about my sides, arms or stomach for the most part. But I just can't stand the way my thighs spread when sitting and laying. It is something that won't be fixed by losing more wight or toning. My thighs re where my excess skin and stretchmarks really make me irritated. But it helps to focus on positions and angles where they don't bother me as much and lay up the areas that I feel good about.

What do you like?

Also, regarding excess hair, I have that, too! And it really is worth the time and effort to manage it to the best of your ability.
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Old 07-27-2013, 05:44 PM   #4
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The fat rolls can be lost but I use Nair on my arms. I never used to care about my arm hair until I lost weight...maybe once I got thin I focused my insecurities elsewhere. I have found there will always be something you don't like.
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Old 07-28-2013, 02:16 AM   #5
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Why should you get hit on? You're taken! Your fiancé thinks you're lovely ands thats what counts. Fat, hair, whatever. Beauty is so fleeting, our looks fade away with time. While it is malleable and you can manage both of your concern areas, don't forget to keep it in the proper perspective.
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Old 07-28-2013, 02:50 AM   #6
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I didn't feel repulsed but I was definately self conscious. What helped was the OH listening to my concerns only to burst out laughing. His response was 'honey, if you every think that I am being put off by what I have my hands on - flash your tits at me and that is all that I will be noticing! I am a man, I concentrate on what works for me."

As a result the next time we were arguing and I was losing - I flashed them!

I won!

If he says you are beautiful then accept that. As for getting hit on - that is more likely to be because you are not comfortable with yourself and that shows. People hit on others because they are attracted, not just physically but by the smile, the laughter and the genuine enthusiasm that the person has for living. Such things are contagious and are what people really want to invite into their lives. Even beautiful people don't pull if they put out negative energy.

It will take a while for you to feel it, but as you gain confidence and enthusiasm for your own life and enjoyment in your body - whatever the shapes - you will become more attractive regardless of your weight. Compare yourself only to yourself, use your internal measures of success and you will be happier. Compare yourself to others and there will always be someone who will make you feel worse - so don't. Their acheivements are theirs, you need to rejoice in yours. Thin people would give up their figures in order to be loved as you are.
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Old 07-28-2013, 08:15 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BleuMaus View Post
So heres my problem. I got fat rolls. Im sure others can relate. I dont feel attractive. I dont get hit on ever. My fiancee says im beautiful, but when it comes to sex i cringe. When his hands brush over my fat rolls im so repulsed and want to curl up into a ball and just shy away from any contact what so ever. What also dosent help is that im a hairy beast. I got so much hair on my arms and on my stomach i look like a female Chewbacca.

So my question is this, am i alone feeling this way? Is anyone else so repulsed by your body you dont want to be touched?
I don't understand! You're about the same weight as I, and the same height. Maybe it's because I was much bigger to start, but at my weight I feel sexy as heck, and sexier with every pound lost. I get hit on quite a bit, and my husband and I have never been happier with our sex lives. Please, work on your self confidence. I have days where I feel less satisfied with myself than other days. I don't know how you couldn't feel amazing, but I think it's a perception issue. Your fiance probably thinks (and rightly so) that you're beautiful. You just need to see it yourself!
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Old 07-28-2013, 08:59 AM   #8
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I can totally relate to that "don't touch my fat" feeling! lol

I've been married 26 years and most of that time I've been heavy. Fortunately, my hubby loves me so much that he also loves my rolls, he truly does. Maybe your fiancee feels the same.

However, even knowing that my hubby loves me as is I still cringe somewhat when he gets near my flabbiest flesh. For now I just have to grin and bear it while I stick with my plan to make those fat rolls go away.

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Old 07-28-2013, 09:34 AM   #9
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If hair bothers you, there are ways to take care of it. My husband is the type that would prefer I not shave at all but I like to so I do. I have stretch marks, loose skin and fat rolls. Even at my highest weight (360), I wouldn't let my weight get in my way. I got self conscious at one point due to the loose skin but my husband was like "that? that is just a little bit and doesn't bother me". It doesn't bother him, I am not letting it bother me.

Trust me chica, if you aren't comfortable with your body now at 180, you need to come to terms with the fact that your boyfriend loves you and finds you attractive. There is a chance that your feelings may not change at 150 or even 120. Accept that you are a beautiful, sexual being and go with it.
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Old 07-28-2013, 10:14 AM   #10
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Oh it sucks! I know the feeling. I haven't allowed my husband to touch my stomach in.... years. Other areas I'm fine with but my belly fat is the most sensitive area for me, I can't get over it. It's definitely a mental thing, not a physical thing, because logically I know it's not that big. But to me, it's a mountain.
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Old 07-28-2013, 12:40 PM   #11
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Oh my gosh do I identify with this. Really, I was only just getting comfortable letting my husband of 4 years see my body and then we got divorced. Now I'm single again and it's a huge issue for me. Huge. I feel like I must come across like someone with a lot of hang-ups because I don't ever want them to do certain things or put me in certain positions.

I can't imagine how anyone could look at me naked and think it was sexy. My boobs are droopy, my stomach is saggy and stretch-marky, and I have a skin disorder that causes me to break out all over my inner thighs and butt (I've been to a bunch of doctors, all of them prescribe creams that make it somewhat better, but it's still there). Sex is more anxiety-producing for me than anything else. I can't just lay back and enjoy it.

I try to have sex in the dark with as many clothes on as possible. Though the men I'm with have told me they think I'm sexy, etc., the real issue is more that I don't feel sexy when I'm naked.

I'm thinking of telling the next one that I have a lingerie fetish- that I only like sex with clothes on. Maybe it'll work and make it feel less about my lack of confidence.
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Old 07-28-2013, 04:33 PM   #12
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Ahh reading this makes me so mad!!!!!!!!! I feel the same way, self conscious about my body ( saggy weight loss boobs, weight loss loose skin, strech marks) but why do we do this to ourselves?? Why can't we see how beautiful and amazing we are as individuals? Beauty doesn't last but we remain! I want to tell everyone woman ( and man I suppose) who ever feels like this to realize that regardless of what society/mass media perceives as beauty, we are all perfect, the way we are! Don't set limits on your love for yourself " I'll feel better at a certain weight" or whatever.

Whoops. That got a little out of hand. I just wanted to say, I've felt that way before and I'm working on it too.
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Old 07-29-2013, 07:03 AM   #13
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I recently read a book that deals with exactly this - Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat.

So you know where this is coming from - I am 47, married 26 years. I felt self-conscious at 140 pounds and self-conscious at 240 pounds.

The author says (he has all sorts of studies that he references) that women who feel this way do not generally feel any better about their bodies during sex even after they lose weight. Normal weight, underweight and overweight women can all feel this way. So, losing weight does not make this go away!. At the same time, he strongly recommends regular exercise, which I think is great.

Basically, his advice to women is - have sex anyway. Get really good at it . Get to know your body and what turns you on. Start focusing on how you feel more than how you think you look. Trust your partner - if he is aroused, he is into you! That kind of thing. And I can say that this approach has really worked for me over the past ten years or so. Reading it in this book just confirmed it for me!!

He has other sensible advice as well. He references lots of studies and overall I felt way better about myself and my marriage after reading it. And I got it at the library!
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Old 07-29-2013, 06:23 PM   #14
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I doubt you're fiancée finds you unattractive. If he is having sex with you he is obviously enjoying it. But lack of self confidence is unattractive to men. They fact you start cringing is huge turn off for men. So try not thinking about it too much .

And who cares if no one is hitting on you. It could be a blessing. Getting hit on isn't as it is cracked up to be. It can be on the verge of creepy the way men hit on women sometimes.
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Old 07-30-2013, 01:17 AM   #15
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I feel like the time I do engage in these activities, I will have the same issues!!!


I work in the makeup industry and I don't understand how some girls have absolutely no hair on their bodies (and i mean stomach/back) I feel like I have serious concerns about the hair issues, anyone have any tips??
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