Last April, I hit my low weight, and decided I was comfortable enough to online date and ended up doing it for 4 months. After that, I became frustrated, because although I had a good experience overall, I was growing frustrated that every guy I met seemed to be interested in me until something "better" came along....I ended up waiting around for someone who strung me along for quite some time, and closed down my profile last august
Anyways, its been about a month and 1/2 since whatever that was, ended, and I finally think I'm ready to jump back in...The problem is, I can't even remember how I started...So I would love to hear some tips and advice on starting this up again. What sort of things did you find appropriate to talk about in your profile, without reveling to much, how do you know what pics your choosing repersent you accurately...that sort of thing
I would just say be very specific with what you are looking for in your profile. Think of your top 5 or 10 must haves, top 5 or 10 deal breakers and create a very simple (even point form) easy-to-read paragraph of a combination these.
Then think of about 5 things you would want someone to know about you, things you find interesting or qualities you love about yourself, and write a few lines about it underneath.
Depending on the responses you get, refine your profile from there.
As for pictures, I would definitely include a recent full body pic and a few recent face shots, time stamped if possible (i.e., don't use pics that are 10 years old!).
Us guys always go to the pics first. If we like your pics, we'll send you a message. If you respond, then we'll look at what the words on your profile say. Its very rare that a guy reads anything you have to say before looking at your pics.
Put up some good pics and you'll get more choices than you can handle.
Don't make your profile a list of all the things you don't want. I hate scrolling through profiles and seeing "DON'T MESSAGE ME IF YOU ARE XYZ."
Good pictures (recent, at least one full body), list a few light hearted fun facts about yourself, no need to delve into deep-seated issues or apologize for being formerly obese as some people do.
What 427pounder said is pretty much true, you'll be slammed with messages once your profile pops up.
I used just a headshot (but this was in the old days - before eHarmony and Christian Mingle, etc). I got TONS of responses. I started chatting with one man who sounded funny and interesting. I told him I was "round"ish. No problem. I weighed 200 pounds at the time. I asked him to meet me at my local coffee hangout (not s-bux lol). I think it must be luck because we've been married almost 14 years now . . .'
Back to you! You have a very pretty face! Put it out there, and, as someone else said, be lighthearted in your descriptions. I know men are very visual and hold women to a much higher standard than they hold themselves to! However, I had a feeling that if a man liked my face, my eyes, my smile, my dark hair then it was a very good start. If he wants a tan, blond beach-bunny? Keep on movin'! Good luck to you!
Us guys always go to the pics first. If we like your pics, we'll send you a message. If you respond, then we'll look at what the words on your profile say. Its very rare that a guy reads anything you have to say before looking at your pics.
So THAT'S how it works!! LOL. Inside the mind of a guy, finally!
I met my fiance online (although I lie about that in real life!) - it is possible! I'd say don't bother responding to people you aren't interested in, and don't waste a ton of time chatting online - meet up quickly if you like them and see if you have chemistry, if not then no harm no foul, but it can be tough if you like someone's personality but you end up having NO chemistry. I used Plenty of Fish cuz it's free, so again, no huge investment, lots of people who are more casual, fewer 'professional daters.' Good luck!
I'm pretty new to online dating myself. I just signed up a week ago and went on two dates this past weekend.
I chose a profile picture that was recent and looks like me. I take some pictures that I think are hot but don't look like me normally.
I think I'm too new to have formed any real opinion but I'm hoping that I can meet someone that I click with.
I also don't list must haves and can't stands...that was a huge turn off for me with eharmony. If I met a person who possessed 9 out of 10 things I like, I think I could live with it. So I don't want to tell anyone that there's something about them that I can't stand. Just like I'd be turned off by someone saying that there's something they can't stand about me.
I think that it's deeply personal. I shy away from any sex talk in my profile and I skip questions about that because I don't want to encourage the perverts. I'm not looking for one night stands and I don't want anyone to see me that way.
After that, I became frustrated, because although I had a good experience overall, I was growing frustrated that every guy I met seemed to be interested in me until something "better" came along....I ended up waiting around for someone who strung me along for quite some time, and closed down my profile last august
Yeeaaah, I know the feeling. I'm thisclose to closing mine down again.
What site are you thinking of using? I was considering paying - because the theory is that this brings out more serious interests - but it's like $12 a month if you agree to a year, $35 a month if you do only 3 months! I was like holy crap... I dunno if I think this is worth it anymore.
I agree with the others: put up plenty of pictures, including body shots because if you don't they'll assume you are hiding something. Don't be negative, be specific. Be genuine, don't give a false impression of yourself. I just say I'm shy, I flit around from hobby to hobby, etc. because I don't want someone thinking I'm going to be totally open from the start or assume that I'm not a total spaz when, a good portion of the time, I am.
I included full body pictures and recent pics of my face. I actually asked a friend if the pics I posted were true to what I look like (or if they were super flattering and not realistic of me). I also was specific with what I was looking for (dating, eventually a serious relationship if it's right). I still got A LOT of creepers. But, I've been dating someone from okc for a month now, so I feel pretty good about it Good Luck!
My husband says he messaged me because "I looked cute and probably wasn't too crazy" (emotional = crazy). He says ALL women are crazy, so you just have to find one who is the 'right level' of crazy. Apparently, that is good enough for some men But I think he had a point - just "be cute" and be fun. Nothing negative, nothing jaded, nothing crazy. I wrote that I liked working out and restaurants, if I recall. That was about it.
The other part of the game, for women, is to learn who to not respond to. I never responded to one-liners, I never responded to men who had those 'jaded' profiles, I never responded to someone who did not seem genuinely interested in a long-term relationship.
I made two in-person dates. One with a police officer who loved hiking, another with a guy still in university who coached soccer. I cancelled the soccer date and moved in with the police officer after 3 dates. Hah. We're married with 2 kids now
An advice a friend gave to me was this .... PUT YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST PICTURE as the main picture. The super flattering one. Do this to "reel" them in so they actually click on your profile. Then in your profile you can put the more realistic ones, the ones that show that maybe you aren't as thin as the other girls etc. But DO keep in mind, that no one puts their most ugly unflattering picture on a profile - so its okay that these are some of the "good" body shots etc. I personally like to have one that is "good" but still realistic. My biggest fear when meeting someone is that I don't want them to be disappointed - I'd rather them be pleasantly surprised. But its a careful balance as you want someone to actually give you the time of day. And the sad truth is, people are more superficial online than they are in real life.
Online dating...
But I think he had a point - just "be cute" and be fun. Nothing negative, nothing jaded, nothing crazy. I wrote that I liked working out and restaurants, if I recall. That was about it.
