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My undereating friend..

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Old 02-11-2013, 07:09 PM   #1
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Default My undereating friend..

My friends been dying to lose weight since forever, and she has just recently tried again. the only problem is shes undereating. by alot. i hang out with her sometimes and notice she snacks on things with very little calories alot and she will have meals but they're tiny. ive calculated her daily caloric intake a few times to prove this to her and its been ~1000 calories AT MOST. she's 140lbs and is 5'4.

everytime i tell her thats way too little she doesnt see it, and it doesnt help that shes actually losing weight so she thinks what shes doing is fine. she started exercising too which kind of makes matters worse because how does one eat 1000 cals max WHILE they're active?

Has anyone been put in this situation? what to do?
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:29 PM   #2
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At 1000 cals daily intake whe's probably sabotaging her metabolism but she's probably not putting herself in physical danger.

It's not really your place to butt into her dietary decisions. I know that sounds harsh, and I know you only have her best interests at heart, but it's her life, her body, and her diet and she doesn't appear to be doing anything dangerous, at least not that I can see based on your original post.
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:31 PM   #3
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Maybe she is eating more, but just not in your company.


It probably looks to most people like I never eat...or eat very small things. In reality, I just don't want to waste calories on the crap most people eat, bring to work or serve at parties/restaurants. So I nibble, or just wait until I get home.
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:35 PM   #4
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1200 is not magic number. You can lose weight on less than that without messing up your metabolism, and if she's happy and losing weight, then what she is doing is working for her. It's not your place to tell her what she should do, any more than anyone should tell you what's right for you.

Plus unless you are together 24/7, you don't really know what or how much she eats when you aren't around.
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:53 PM   #5
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Kind of agree that though your intentions are good & you want to help your friend, her choices re eating are up to her. Might be better for the friendship if you kind of backed off that topic.
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:56 PM   #6
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I agree with the other posters. it is all up to her.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:30 PM   #7
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I agree it's her thing. Would you be as concerned if you calculated a friend's calories are they were grossly overrating? If so would you confront them? I'm guessing not. Eating is a personal thing. This is even a touchy subject with spouses or a parent/child relationship. As a friend I'd back off. People are much quicker to judge those who they believe are under eating, at least in my personal experience. There have been times I've been at a very low calorie level and any comments from others were unwelcome and irritating. No one said a word when I was gorging myself and gaining weight.

You intentions sound admirable but I'd keep it to yourself.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:44 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by April Snow View Post
1200 is not magic number. You can lose weight on less than that without messing up your metabolism, and if she's happy and losing weight, then what she is doing is working for her. It's not your place to tell her what she should do, any more than anyone should tell you what's right for you.

Plus unless you are together 24/7, you don't really know what or how much she eats when you aren't around.
We are together 24/7 lol we're 20 year old best friends who spend days together at times. Also, 1000 cals is her max, somedays its 800 which is ridiculous to me, especially if she's exercising and wearing herself out. And honestly Im concerned for her health, im scared she'll crash some day.
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:24 PM   #9
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I remember, many moons ago, when drs would put their patients on 800 to 1000 calorie diets, and a prescription for some kind of diet pill for appetite control. It's true, 1200 is not the magic number. Everyone is different. Be glad for her that her diet plan is working for her.
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Old 02-11-2013, 10:14 PM   #10
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You are young. She will learn. What might happen is that she'll be able to do that for awhile and then will have to up the calories a bit, but she might be able to keep those pounds off.

Or, she might lose some weight and then end up binging it back on.

Or..., Or... Or...

For right now, it seems that she is OK. So, leave her alone. Everyone learns what works and what doesn't work. While I agree it's not the way I would go about it. I did something similarly when I was 20.

Not all bad choices are weird choices are anorexia.
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:27 AM   #11
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I can really understand BOTH sides..your concerns which very well may be valid, and i so appreciate all the input of others on the forum who said while your intentions are certainly good, it would be best for now to butt out.

One side of (the opinionated) me would agree with you but being a newly thin person and having posted myself on the forum about how to deal with weight loss comments from others and how damaging, not to mentioning irritating they can be, i would weigh in for now on letting it go and not lecturing especially if she's at all resistant to it

Good luck !
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:31 AM   #12
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I'm surprised everybody's been so opposed to you so far. Even before I read you were together 24/7 I agreed with you. If anyone I cared about was being really unhealthy I would try and talk to them, and I'd hope if I were doing the same thing someone would tell me.

As someone who has tried to lose weight their entire lives I've done A LOT of research on the subject. 1200 calories is by far the lowest anyone should ever go as a long term life change. Even that is really too low to be sustainable for the rest of your life, especially when you are exercising.

You've been really successful in your weight loss so I'd think your friend would look up to you in this situation and listen to your opinion. I know if someone told me I was eating or doing anything unhealthy, when they told me I'd probably be angry with them but it would get me to think. So even if your friend doesn't seem to take your advice she's thinking about it and it probably will make her double think her choices especially since it's coming from someone she loves and you've been successful.

Good luck, I know it's not the easiest situation.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:11 AM   #13
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As your friend I might be upset at you for counting my calories, I am sure your intentions are good but I might not appreciate unsolicited advice. My friend always tells me I don't eat enough, but I think it is mainly because I won't go out to eat 3 times a day with him when he spends the weekends at my house. I am not sure how I would react to his advice though if he was actually in your situation having lost weight yourself. U look great by the way!!! I guess u have to let her live and learn, if she truly is under eating and over exerting she wil learn the hard way. Who knows if she realizes her approach is not really the right one she may be asking you for help soon.
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Old 02-12-2013, 03:52 AM   #14
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I agree with the prior persons who posted that you should back off a bit from your friend.
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Old 02-12-2013, 06:18 AM   #15
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Honestly, I hate to say this but you might have to take a "wait and see"stance here she isn't severely overweight so it might be only temporary. This is a classic you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Just be calm and supportive. If she does crag be there for her. Confronting and pushing this could ruin your friendship and alienate her, making her less likely to trust and confide in you. Introduce her to this website give her the chance to learn it on her own. Good luck I know it's hard when you feel someone you love is hurting themselves.
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