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My undereating friend..

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Old 02-12-2013, 07:14 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckystreak View Post
We are together 24/7 lol we're 20 year old best friends who spend days together at times. Also, 1000 cals is her max, somedays its 800 which is ridiculous to me, especially if she's exercising and wearing herself out. And honestly Im concerned for her health, im scared she'll crash some day.
I disagree with others here... you are very right to be concerned, as what she is doing IS very dangerous to her health. Not sure how you can convince her of this but you are right to try... it IS your business.

And sometimes people listen. It was a special friend who very lovingly encouraged me to do something about my weigh which really got me started getting serious about doing something about it. Not the people harping or criticizing.. who were plenty.. but someone who genuinely cared and kept at me gently and encouragingly even when I didn't really want to hear it.

You are a good friend to her.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:53 AM   #17
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I think she is blessed to have a friend that cares about her like you do. Weight/food can be a touchy subject though, so I'd tread lightly.
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Old 02-12-2013, 09:24 AM   #18
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Every body works diff. There are days if I manage to keep down 1000 calories I'm happy as a lark but I have a couple medical conditions right now that I need surgery for, If I eat a certain amount of food I become violently ill. last night I managed a bit over 1100 and was up til 5 am puking so for me I'd rather manage to get 900 calories to stay down on a sick day then risk 1200 and end up puking it up anyways. Would I be that low if I wasn't so sick? no. But I'm also 5'7 decently muscular and 207lbs lol. So every body is different. If she goes from 1000 to 800 too 600 too 400 too 200 then you see a pattern that might indicate something worse than a very low calorie diet plan.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:44 AM   #19
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Well, I really disagree you know how much she is actually eating. I am with myself 24/7 and I still have to use a food scale or I'm off 200-300 calories either way from eyeballing it. And at 140lbs, that's a big difference in calories.

I understand you are concerned, but like ALL of us here, we really did have to learn our journeys our own way, rather than be criticized by others (*remember, she WILL take this concern as criticism- she's already shown you she isn't open to it).

I also did the 800-1000 calorie thing at your age. With age also comes wisdom. I'm losing at 2000 calories now at 30, it doesn't necessarily mean she's setting herself up for failure.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:25 PM   #20
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Since she is already not very large it may be a different situation. However, I can't help but think about my friends and patients who have undergone gastric bypass. How many calories were THEY keeping down those first few months? She may lose the weight and she will, likely, gain some of it back but unless she gets unhealthy skinny it probably isnt worth interfering.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:32 PM   #21
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I think she'll figure it out. Gotta try a bunch of different things before finding one that works. I thought I had it ALLLLLLL figured out 2 years ago eating almost nothing but vegetables and only doing cardio, but turns out I didn't...
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:28 AM   #22
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I understand where you are coming from, OP. My cousin who is 16 years old hardly ever eats. She is 6'0" and weighs about 110-120 lbs. I believe she is healthy, but everyone in the family is always commenting on how she should eat more and how she never eats. I know everyone wants her to be healthy, but it's pretty obvious everyone's comments have done nothing other than to irritate her.

My point is, she's not going to suddenly see it your way (probably). If what she is doing is unsustainable, she will eventually realize this, either by common sense or gaining weight back. Those of us on weight loss journeys have to figure things out for ourselves. It's the same as those people who post asking what to do about an obese loved one. There's really nothing you can do other than be a good example. It doesn't sound like she is killing herself, so I would wait this one out.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:37 AM   #23
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I wish that there would be some acceptance that some people just really do need less than 1000 calories. My entire life, my body was telling me that and I didn't listen because of what the experts said. Finally I did listen and went on a medically supervised 500-700 calorie per day high protein / multi nutrient diet. I lost all the weight and had not a single solitary bad thing happen. I know because I was medically monitored. I saw a doctor or a nurse every week.

In fact, now I am really stunned at how sick I was before.. almost constantly because I was eating too much FOR ME!

And since the diet plan has hundreds of people doing the exact same thing.. (with some differences) I am thinking it is safe.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:51 AM   #24
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I say if you're truly, truly concerned, then mention it to her. Don't stage an intervention or anything. Don't tell her you're counting her calories. Don't let it become an argument. Just say, "Hey, are you sure you're eating enough? I'm worried that maybe you aren't and don't want you to end up getting sick." If she says "I'm doing ok" then drop it. But you might make her think a little.

Just know going in that you could hurt your friendship if she sees what you're saying as harsh criticism.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:29 AM   #25
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My roommate kind of does this. She's very active but insists that she "just doesn't eat much". And yet I catch her counting everything from the milk in her cereal to the condiments on a sandwich. She comes up under 1200 almost every day but isn't losing weight. I think her body is just worn out and in need of vitamins - she won't touch fruits or veggies which has to be making it harder.

I don't say anything. She's approaching 30 years old, it's not my place. I've told her a few times to try eating more but I won't press the issue. I do care but I'm also just a roommate/friend and she's still an adult.
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Old 02-15-2013, 08:39 PM   #26
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Meh. Not your problem!

If she becomes ill I would worry, until then you've got bigger fish to fry!

And maybe she is eating more than she says or than you think.
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