I'd say you did the right thing and he obviously wasn't worth dating! I always arrange to meet people in a public place so I don't have to bring anyone, but in no way should anyone think any less of you if you do want to. in fact, several guys I've met this way even asked if I'd like to bring someone along to make me feel more comfortable - to me this shows a little care and respect, unlike this guy you came across. Totally agree with Krampus above as well.
As someone else mentioned, the free sites can be a minefield with guys only after one thing. Don't let it put you off and NEVER think it's in any way a reflection on you as a person. You're not going to be alone forever, you just haven't found Mr Right yet.
Please do not take this as a sign that you will be alone forever. This was a guy not passing your Douche-Bag test. Any guy who would get angry and be mean because you wanted to feel comfortable and safe isn't worth your time. You are way too good for him.
I think as women, especially if we've been heavy long term (such as me!), we think we have to make guys like us, whereas its a mutual interview, so to speak. We have just as much right/responsibility to determine if they are what WE want. This guys isn't someone worth your time. He didn't care if you were comfortable or felt safe, and he got mean as soon as you didn't do what he wanted. Those are giant red flags.
However, I would not bring someone to a date. I honestly would not have gone on that 1st date with my husband (who I met on Lavalife many moons ago) if he brought a friend, to me that indicates a lack of confidence and not being serious. Choose a public place, don't go alone with him, but a friend.... no, I can't agree with that.
I have some trust issues.. Some things happened to me with a guy I had 'JUST' met a few years ago it wasnt a guy I met online but still. Lets just say those things were not good things at all. I was suggesting that we meet out at a bar or some place with friends. I never said it would be a 'first date'. He took it that way. I like to get to know people before I even consider dating/going on a date with them.
And like I said in my original post I was just in a really awful mood when I posted that. lol (Period coming soon and all)
Thanks everyone for the kind words
Last edited by imnotperfect24; 05-05-2012 at 02:33 PM.
It's probably for the best - the whole thing with him 'flipping out' may have been a red flag - sorry to say but you never know if someone is genuine or not, and you may have inadvertently avoided a difficult/dangerous situation.
A decent guy is not only going to understand, he's going to want you to be cautious. If you're not responsible enough to take care of your own safety, that's going to be a huge red flag and turn-off to any guy who wants a serious relationship.
I met my husband on-line and he was very understanding of my caution in meeting. If I hadn't been cautious, I think he might have decided that I was a flake.
Oh, and I was also at nearly my highest weight when we met (and even though my husband is a big guy too, he's a charismatic guy and has dated women of all sizes and attractiveness levels. I've even had to "fend off" a few rivals while we were dating, and since we've been married. I find it amusing that thinner women think that they can flirt under my nose, and get a positive response from my husband. I find it amusing because he shoots them down before I have a chance to, which makes me feel incredibly sexy and beautiful.
You did nothing wrong. Actually, you lucked out that he failed your test.
Time and time again women get into or stay in bad relationships because they don't want to be 'alone'. I've never understood that. I'd rather be alone than with someone who is disrespectful or addicted or a child. So don't let the behavior of some 'stranger' question your worth or your potential to find a good partner. Because everything will work out
A decent guy is not only going to understand, he's going to want you to be cautious. If you're not responsible enough to take care of your own safety, that's going to be a huge red flag and turn-off to any guy who wants a serious relationship.
I met my husband on-line and he was very understanding of my caution in meeting. If I hadn't been cautious, I think he might have decided that I was a flake.
Oh, and I was also at nearly my highest weight when we met (and even though my husband is a big guy too, he's a charismatic guy and has dated women of all sizes and attractiveness levels. I've even had to "fend off" a few rivals while we were dating, and since we've been married. I find it amusing that thinner women think that they can flirt under my nose, and get a positive response from my husband. I find it amusing because he shoots them down before I have a chance to, which makes me feel incredibly sexy and beautiful.
That's good to know.. I feel like since I'm 'this' big I'm never going to meet anyone. I feel like I don't deserve to think that guy is hot or this guy. I know that's irrational it's just how I feel.
I feel that my 'time' is running out too. I'm 25 years old. I don't have a spouse or a child.. I have always said that if I don't have a child by 30 I'm not going to have one... biological anyway.
I know a personal trainer whom has an overweight girlfriend, and they adore each other. So, it's not always a physical attraction. For me, it's always been intelligence and class that supersedes everything else. But you never know, but one day you will. Going though a divorce after 17 years of marriage, is it tough being alone and a single mother to the best kid in the world? Yes, at times. But I also count my blessings of being alone and not controlled anymore or abused . I believe in love and marriage, but can also be happy without it.
You don't need trash in your life. It's a good thing
Time and time again women get into or stay in bad relationships because they don't want to be 'alone'. I've never understood that. I'd rather be alone than with someone who is disrespectful or addicted or a child. So don't let the behavior of some 'stranger' question your worth or your potential to find a good partner. Because everything will work out
This is my mantra. I have friends that say I'm picky. I don't think its picky, its selective. Not that I have a line of potential suitors, but I don't think I have to be a drive-thru either.
I've known plenty of women that can't stand to be alone, as if they don't have an identity without a man.
That being said, I joined a few dating sites last summer. Some of the higher-end expensive ones, and some of the free sites. I'm pretty sure I need to re-create my profiles or something, because I spent too much money, and didn't get many results.
They always say you run into someone when you're not looking. I understand that, but does that mean I have to go blind? hope not.
I met my wife online. We chatted online for a couple of weeks and then we spoke over the phone for about a week and then arranged to meet and haven't looked back since.
I have done some online dating before then and I understand you want to feel safe because you don't really know who your meeting, but I get turned off when the talk of double dating comes up. The reason is it turns out that your trying to impress the friend so you get approval rather than focusing on the person your dating. I don't think it works and to me it shows the person is insecure and finds it hard to trust people.
I would rather go somewhere central to both parties and sit down and have a coffee. That way your safe in public view and you can talk and get to know that person a bit more. If your first meeting goes well then the next one can be going out to a restaurant. From there next time a restaurant and then movie...etc
I can't speak for all men, but I see there are 2 types, one is looking for a serious relationship and the other is looking for a casual relationship. It's up to you to work out what type of guy your dating, either by asking directly or indirectly. Someone serious about a relationship will not push the issue.
Online dating is like Boyfriend shopping or a play toy. Majority of the men on dating sites are Dbags...There can be 100 guys you go through and only ONE is a decent guy. When I online date I make sure it's ME calling the shots. I don't like meeting people right away simply because I don't like people and I'm very anti social so I will chat with them for a while, sometimes weeks on end.
If they're constantly bugging me to meet, I write them off. If they ask for my number right away without a conversation taking place...I write them off. If they ask to come over and watch a movie or flat out ask for sex, I write them off.
If I ask for the number, or if I ask to meet that's because I found them worth talking to outside of emails but that's my call. I don't meet everyone I may talk to a dozen guys and only meet two out of them. I'm also a huge flake...if it's just coffee I'll usually cancel, if the guy makes effort and wants to take me out for dinner, I don't.
Sometimes I will chat with a guy for MONTHS before I meet them. The last guy I dated (of course didn't workout...but he's still around and he won't go away but when were good, were good.) and we finally met and the first month was great and of course after that it was whatever.
I don't agree with asking for your friend to come along on the meet up. If you're really THAT nervous or scared to meet someone IN person in a PUBLIC place then you shouldn't be doing online dating to begin with. Yes there are major creepers out there, but theres also people you talk to every day who maybe psychopaths...it happens. Now if you really want to do this have your friend show up at the same place and just keep an eye on you, act like you don't know each other etc...He doesn't need to know that your friend is there and you can feel safe.
Theres going to be plenty of times you meet someone and there isn't a second date even if the meet up went well and the conversation was flowy and great. Sometimes there just isn't a spark. It's happened to me and it's happen to the guys I've went out with. If I don't have that Za Za Zu on the first date there isn't going to be a second one...But that's also the problem with online dating theres so much options to choose from, so it's easy to go NEXT. I think it also becomes harder for some guys to commite to especially if they've been on a dating site for YEARS...if you meet a guy who tells you he's been on for long than a year it's a red flag...
Just go out and enjoy meeting new people don't take it so seriously. You're going to meet a lot of Dbags...maybe one nice guy and plenty of people you won't be attracted to. But remember YOU call the shots.
I've even had to "fend off" a few rivals while we were dating, and since we've been married. I find it amusing that thinner women think that they can flirt under my nose, and get a positive response from my husband. I find it amusing because he shoots them down before I have a chance to, which makes me feel incredibly sexy and beautiful.
Uh oh. I think hubby is two-timing because I'm married to him too!
imnotperfect24, I met my husband online too. I did the ultra-cautious thing not because of the confidence factor, but because I have two daughters who I needed to keep safe no matter what. The right guy(s) will understand. I met most "dates" for coffee so we could decide if we wanted to plan a real date. Daytime meetings tend to ward off those only looking for a little action.
BOO. I don't like this guy. I know it is exciting to start dating again and have someone show some interest. But if he is disrespectful about something SO LOGICAL, just imagine what kind of person he is day to day.
Don't be discouraged. I have no idea what the guy's problem was, I don't see anything wrong with you suggesting a double date, especially since it would have been your first date. A double date would have given you both the chance to observe how you interact with others, not just with each other, plus it could have been more fun and taken some of the pressure off.
He was just some closed minded jerk, don't even give it a second thought. There are great guys out there waiting to be found, don't lose hope!
I did a lot of online dating before I met my husband (met him online too!) 6 years ago.
Meeting people online is really no different than meeting people in "real life" in the sense that there will be good guys and bad ones. There are tons of great guys online, but you have to sift through the "duds" to find them. It can be very aggravating, scary, annoying, and fun. Just remember: do not let anyone push you into doing something you are not comfortable with, and watch very closely for red flags. Sometimes we get so caught up in the desire to find someone that we may forgive things or look past things we probably shouldn't. (I was definitely guilty of this, and had I seen the red flags for what they were, it would have saved me a heck of a lot of time).
I agree with the other posters, definitely be grateful that this guy showed his true colors. Sure, some people wouldn't want the first meeting to be with other people, but he could have just said so, rather than be rude to you. Don't even give him the time of day now!
If you aren't comfortable meeting someone alone, then don't do it. A good guy, one who has dating potential, will understand.
Don't get discouraged. I could write a book about the guys I met before meeting my husband. I met a lot of guys - had some good experiences, bad experiences, and weird experiences. There was one guy I met for coffee who asked me at the end of the date if I had money for him to take the bus home!
But if I'd given up, I wouldn't have met my husband who is a great guy and makes me very happy.
You will find someone who likes you just the way you are, whether it be online or not, I promise! And please don't worry about 25 being too old...I didn't meet my husband until I was 26!
Best of luck
