Help?! What do I do? I'm having a massive break down.
I've had the most awful past few days.
For starters I had to go off my anti-depressants for a while because I couldn't get a refill without suppose to be seeing my doctor first, so my mood is all over the place. I had a gallbladder attack and was prescribed vicodin and it ALWAYS has made my crash hard after taking it even once (I've had other medical things that were painful enough to have it prescribed). Well a couple of weeks ago I met this guy at this restaurant and I thought he was kind of cute, even though I knew he was relatively older than me. We made small talk and I went back the next couple of weeks and eventually asked if I could add him on facebook. He let me.
We started texting back and forth and at first it was truly innocent, what's up, how are you, what kind of music do you like, etc, etc. But slowly it started evolving. He asked me how old I was, am I turning 18 (I'm 16), am I a virgin, etc, etc. I was smitten by him because guys have never liked me like that before, I've been heavy forever and it felt good to have someone want me like that, I've never thought guys could like me "in that way". I straight up told him I was 16 and he straight up told me that he was attracted to me, and even alluded to getting together to, for lack of any better words, sex it up. But the thing is, he was really clever about it.
And I can't lie, I did return his advances at first, I did go along with what he was saying. He was posing the questions in, looking back at them, ways that would make it look like I was the one initiating everything. In the moment I was taken away by everything, I didn't mind him talking to me the way he was and I didn't mind the things he was saying, but as the days have progressed I've become increasingly regretful about even talking to him.
I told a few of my friends, and even my guidance counsellor, because deep down I know that this isn't me, I know that...I know that this is wrong. One of my friends, Shelby, even went with me to see this guy one night when he was working and so I told her everything that he said, I showed her the texts, she knows everything.
But for the past few days it's been on my mind nonstop, today I had what I would consider a nervous breakdown.
I was at school and I was still thinking about this guy. My day started off okay, normal nothing bad. But then I went to my second class, study hall. There was this kid in there who's ALWAYS been a d-bag to me and he just decided today would be a dandy day to continue his ways. He started mocking me and making fun of me and was laughing at me and making d-bag comments about how angry I was at him. At one point the teacher-edtech-guy who was sitting with him was chuckling with him too. And at first I just shook it off, whatever he's always been like that. But then the actual study hall teacher came back. I asked her to go see my spanish teacher and was going to take my friend Shelby with me. At that point she had been going everywhere with me, the "2nd in command" teacher in the room was understanding and knew that I was stressed and let her go with me. But the study hall teacher said no and that I had to go by myself so I got up to leave and on my way out honest to Bog I accidentally slammed the door.
When I came back Shelby told me the teacher had said "Well. She sure showed me!"
And that just set me off. I just had to go and cry. I ran out of the room and went to the bathroom and just lost it. She's my teacher, you know, and it's not like I MEANT to do it, why was she being so mean to me? I was breaking down, I couldn't control myself. Eventually the teacher came in and made Shelby leave and I just couldn't handle it, I didn't want Shelby to leave. She was my rock and I needed her there with me, she understood everything that I was emotional about and everything that I was crying about and the teacher didn't. The teacher tried to get me to calm down but I couldn't, I just couldn't. I was freaking out, I was crying and pulling my hair, I just COULD NOT get my emotions in check, I felt unbelievably out of control and this has never happened before. She took me to the guidance counsellor's office and let Shelby come down and stay with me while I talked to him, he wanted her to leave at one point and I flipped my lid because I NEEDED her to be with me, and I have NEVER done that before, I felt so embarassed, I felt so...weak, I mean this SHOULD NOT be a big deal, in my mind. No one is dying, I'm not hurt, I'm alive; everything should be O.K in that respect.
Eventually he called my mom because there was no way I could stay the day and she picked me up and let me come home. But here's the thing: I DON'T want to talk to the guy anymore, I definitely no longer feel smitten or attracted to him. I haven't told him this yet, I'm too scared too. I KNOW I lead him on, so it's like I'm just asking for him to come and hook up with me, so I feel bad for switching my mind. He SEEMS understanding, like it would be okay but still, I feel awful about this. My stress level is through the roof, I'm either not eating at all or eating way too much (yesterday I was at like 700 calories, today at 3,500 ish) and I feel SO out of control in EVERYTHING.
Last edited by bunnythesAINT; 03-09-2011 at 09:42 PM.
I soooo want to help you relax a little, but I'm just not sure where to start. Please forgive me if this post is completely disorganized.
First, and to get it out of the way, the guy who has been speaking with you is a creep. Period. You've already stated that you have no interest in interacting with him futher, and I think that's really good and you should stick to that. Keep in mind that you are under no obligation to even provide him with an explanation for why you no longer wish to speak to him. Just remove him as a friend on facebook, and ignore any further conversation he attempts. Don't worry about hurting his feelings; he'll get over it, I promise.
Second, do NOT blame yourself in any way for having spoken to him, flirted with him, or even for sharing intimate information with him. It is in no way abnormal to be flattered and responsive when someone expresses an interest in you. Just think of it this way: he seemed like a nice, sincere guy you who was interested in you, and so you spoke to him for a bit to see whether there might be any connection there. You decided you weren't interested in him, and so you let it go at that. That's all.
Third, and this is really important: PLEASE see your doctor ASAP regarding your anti-depressants. I know how awful it can be when you stop taking anti-depressants cold turkey, and the all-over-the-place feeling, out of control emotions, and up and down eating patterns are probably largely due to suddenly stopping the medication. My husband has been on anti-depressants for at least 15 years, and missing even a single day causes symptoms of withdrawl so severe that I can recognize them before he even tells me he missed a dose. I am the horrible nagging wife, I know, but I give him **** every time I know he's close to running out of his medication and hasn't gotten a new prescroption filled yet... I just can't stand to see him go through that withdrawl and be totally unable to help him. My point is, please make sure you see your doctor as soon as possible, and get your body chemistry back to the state to which it's accustomed. This will help enormously.
Finally, please speak with your mother or another parent, or if you're not comfortable enough with a parent or parent figure in your life, speak to your guidance counselor again about all that is happening to you right now. This is an awful lot for you to handle alone.
In the meantime, take some deep breaths and try to do something that will help put your mind at ease. I wish you all the best.
Was there any way to wean yourself off the meds? Going cold turkey is the worst thing to do, so please go see your Doc!!
As far and Mr. Pedophile goes, he had NO buisness even trying to talk to you and take the conversations where he did. You know his real name and can get him in a whole heap of trouble if you save the texts and emails. Tell him as soon as you can, that your not interested and remove him and block if you need to.
If he pushes you, than threaten to have him arrested. It doesn't matter what you said you him, your underage and he can go to jail.
He'll back off.
Absolutely get to the doctor ASAP. Your brain chemistry is way out of whack. Everything is okay, but you can't see that. Where is your mom in this? Does she know you are out of meds, is she not taking you back to the doctor? I can't imagine not making sure my daughter got to the doc to get a prescription she needs. I'm trying hard not to bash your mom here, but...
The guy. There is a REASON why it's illegal for a man this guy's age to talk the way he is to you. It's because even though I know you are a mature girl, you are much less experienced and VERY suseptible to getting pressured into doing/saying things you may later regret where that kind of relationship is concerned. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with what chickadee said, just remove him from your facebook and never speak to him again. After all, you owe this person ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, even if you feel like you led him on (which IMHO is HIS fault for trying to start this with you -- especially since you were honest about your age). I would probably just send him a message saying something like, "I'm sorry if I have given you the wrong idea, but I am just not comfortable with our friendship anymore, so please don't contact me further". THEN if he continues, I would tell your parent or someone at school, and they will help you deal with it appropriately.
You are going to be okay, all of this stuff can get worked out. Please don't just sit in misery and let it all happen. Get to the doc, deal with the guy, and give Shelby a big hug for being there for you!
I just want to give you hugs . You are at a tough age. I agree with everything that everyone else has said. I'm on antidepressants myself, I am a daughter and I have a daughter.
I realize some of this has been said by other posters, sorry for being so repetitive. Important-You have your mom get you to the doctor ASAP and get your meds straightened out. Anxiety/anti-depressants are not something to take lightly. I would be an absolute mess if I had to stop cold turkey like that. That issue alone will make everything else seem 20 times worse. Get your appt. today, really, and then schedule a follow-up if needed for the next script.
As for the guy, I know you feel partly responsible for his attraction to you, but the fact is every person over 18 has a responsibility to not mess around with anyone under 18. That is the bottom line. Which is why he asked if you were 18. You are still learning the ropes and he has no business trying to coerce you into meeting up. If he's that great he should be able to find a girl his own age. You don't need that kind of trouble.
Right now, take care of you. Until your meds are stable and working again you should take it easy. I agree with shannonmb, good friends like Shelby are awesome. Glad you have her to help you through.
Take it from someone who has been there, you need to make sure to ditch the guy. Get him off your FB and just ignore him. He will go away and if he doesn't tell him the age thing is inappropriate. Chances are he has done this before and will just move on to his next target.
As far as the school thing, just try to muddle through. I didn't like HS either but loved college and my life there. HS will be over soon enough. As far as the mean guy in study hall...well, Karma will come for him. All you have to do is ignore him and wait for it.
Stopping the meds probably caused your breakdown. It's happened to me twice. I didn't realize it at the time. The first time I had been given the meds by my oncologist. I was driving everyday to have radiation treatments and the staff knew me to be really cheerful. I ran out of pills and didn't get a refill because I wasn't aware of how much they were helping and I thought I was just handling it really well. Well I showed up for radiation and everything anyone said made me sob. They said they were worried about me and I needed to see the doctor before I left. The doctor asked if I was still taking the pills. I told him I'd run out and it was like a bright bulb came on and I thought DUH!!! I guess they were helping a lot. I just didn't realize it.
As far as that creep goes he is a sick person who is an expert at doing what he was doing to you. They call it grooming. It's like a spider getting a fly into his web. Don't feel bad about it. Remember there are no mistakes only lessons. It sounds like you learned a valuable one and undoubtedly helped your friends learn one too. Don't let him turn his sickness into yours. Give yourself a big hug and take a couple of deep breaths. Do whatever it takes to get away from him and take care of yourself.
Last edited by kittycarlson; 03-10-2011 at 09:59 AM.
Oh no! Look, I've totally been there. I quit meds cold turkey once, while a teenager, and it wasn't pretty. Those meds mess with the chemicals in your brain that arent even fully understood. I completely agree that you need to get back to the doctor! And as a side note, I HATE those stupid rules they have with meds like that (at least, with my HMO and it sounds like your health plan also). That they'll cut you off knowing full well what it can do... especially with a teenager. Ugh. Stupid stupid stupid. And just so you know, I was severely depressed as a teen and on medication. I'm 20 now and no longer on medication and haven't been for a long time, and I'm very happy and well adjusted. A lot will change in the next couple of years!
Anyway, I relate with you too on the guy front. I went through this as a teenager too. I had a stupid thing with an older creeper guy and I regret it to this day. He is preying on you, and you need to stay away. You don't owe him an explanation, just ignore him.
I know things are tough in your life right now, but take my word on this, it gets better. However you feel right now, maybe like this is how things will always be or life will never get any better than this, that's all in your head. Things will and do get better. High school was the most miserable couple years of my life, but I'm in college and I really love it. Things are just hard when you're a teenager. You're trying to figure out who you are, while dealing with family things, while dealing with the whole fiasco with the opposite sex, while dealing with the stress of school and trying to figure out your future, and on top of that you're losing weight. It's just a lot on your plate. But remember: this too shall pass. I understand what you're going through, and it will all be OK in the end. If you want, you can PM me if you ever want to talk, don't feel embarrassed or weird.
Last edited by oodlesofnoodles; 03-10-2011 at 11:50 AM.
My mom got me my meds, thank god. She talked to the doctor so I can get another month's worth without seeing her quite yet. I texted the guy and told him I didn't want to see him anymore and if he's as good a guy as he tells me he is, he'll understand, right?
I was so upset yesterday, just so upset. I've never had a moment like that before, where I just couldn't control my emotions. Now I definitely know what it would be like to stop my meds and I don't like that AT ALL. I've completely screwed it all up and I just can't wait until I hit equilibrium again.
Call the police department and ask to talk to a policewoman. Tell her a guy over 18 has been sending you emails concerning sex.
You will not get into any trouble.
They will see that his emails and messages stop.
Bunny, you are doing all the right things, just hold on tight and you will feel a whole lot better soon. WAY TO GO facing those challenges head-on! You are a very strong lady!!
I have a masters degree in psychology, and even I get weird emotional reactions when my medications aren't right. It's hard to know when your brain isn't working right, when you brain isn't working right. One of the reasons you have to be seeing your doctor to get meds, is because even if you take them every day as directed, problems can crop up. Dosages may need to be adjusted, side effects have to be monitored... Some doctors have very strict policies, but most doctors won't pull your meds unless you've skipped more than a couple appointments. If your doctor continues to prescribe meds without seeing you, and something goes really wrong, aside from hurting you, she could also lose her license.
Are you unwilling to see her for some reason? Would you like to maybe see a different doctor? Or are there other problems with seeing the doctor? If you're having anxiety about going to the doctor, adjusting your meds might help, but no good doctor is going to make adjustments to your meds without seeing you.
On the guy issue, this guy manipulated you into thinking you were leading him on. This is how guys who like very much younger girls and also how guys who like to manipulate women of all ages operate. They flatter you every way they can, and when you say something remotely flirty, they pile on more praise and positive attention. You pick up on it, but not always consciously. You just learn that you get a lot more positive attention when you're flirty, so you increase the flirtiness, and he increases the attention. When you say less flirty stuff, he doesn't give you as much attention, and before you know it, you're going beyond your comfort zone to get that attention.
Do you trust your mom enough to show her the emails? I know you probably would be embarassed, but would she understand or would she freak? What about your guidance counselor at school or the doctor who is prescribing your antidepressants? Are you going to counseling for the depression too (counseling and medications works much better than counseling or meds alone)?
The reason I'm asking you to get an adult involved, is because adult men and women who look for sexual attention from teenagers aren't predictable and can be anywhere from immature and slightly weird, to very dangerous (and it can be hard to tell creepy from dangerous, and you shouldn't have to). Someone experienced in these matters (such as school and mental health counselors and the police) needs to assist you in dealing with this guy. You shouldn't talk to him directly at all. I agree that the police should be able to help, but sometimes the police aren't trained in dealing with teens directly (they don't even always deal with adults very well). I'm not saying the police will screw it up if you go directly to them, I'm just saying that having a counselor involved will probably help tremendously.
I'm not saying this only because you're 16. If I felt some guy had manipulated me and my emotions like this (and I'm 45), I would also not try to handle this on my own (or at least I'd hope I was clear-headed enough not to). I would go to my doctor and counselor, and show them the emails and ask them what I should do and if they can help me do it.
Also, this may sound a little weird, but ask your doctor if a vitamin D supplement would be ok to add to your medications. I've been reading that vitamin D can among other things, boost the effectiveness of antidepressants, and my doctor was ok with my trying it. My doctor looked into the research I told him I'd encountered, and at my next appointment he told me to double my dose.
Do not start taking vitamin D without talking to your doctor. Remember that even vitamins and food can have interactions with medications.
shannonmb-
I'm already starting to feel better. You're too sweet =].
kaplods-
I don't have an issue with talking to the doctor herself, or so I don't think. I'll be honest and say I don't really enjoy having to describe everything to her and going into detail about lots of things, but who does? But I know that it's necessary.
I showed my guidance cousellor a few of the messages that were more innocent in nature and then a couple of the ones where it started to segway to show him what exactly I was talking about. I see a therapist for depression every week that I can and I've told her about this guy when I first met him but I'm afraid to tell her because she knows his name and I'm scared she'll get him in trouble (and the guy texted me back saying he understood why I didn't really want to see him or anything anymore) and I don't want that for him.
Interesting about the vitamin D, I have never heard that before. I will ask my doctor that when I go to see her about the meds.
Help?! What do I do? I'm having a massive break down.
