I am starting to get to my last straw... I am a supervisor and have 3 ladies that are under me. I have been working for this company almost 10 years now but I have only been a supervisor for 3 years. There is one lady under me who I use to be really good friends with (she is 72 years old). For some reason lately she has been very snappy to me and always tries to find very small things that I am doing wrong and bascilly ribs it in my face. I have tried to talk to her but it seems to be getting worse.
How do you deal with people like this? It makes my job so hard! I want to enjoy my job but lately with this going on, half the time I don't even want to go in because I get stressed out and end up with a headache.
I have talked to my manager about it but nothing has changed. I just don't want to make things worse since I do have to work with her for 9 hrs a day.
Do you have your own office? You ask her to come talk to you, when she comes in you sit her down and ask her what is going on and then afterwards TELL her that her behavior is inappropriate and that if it continues she'll be written up for insubordination.
You have to be firm with employees like that- the second they know they can get away with it then you have lost them.
Nip it in the bud NOW.
My sister had an issue as a supervisor with a bad employee who kept undermining her. She stood her ground and wrote him up, REPORTED him to her supervisor, then after 2 write-ups her supervisor stepped in and told him if he gets one more write up he'll be fired. The guy cried his eyes out and since then hasn't been a problem.
Your supervisor might not be doing anything because they are waiting for you to take care of your group.
i think she doesn't like you for some reason or maybe she is jealous.. either way it is not a good situation.. I know it may feel horrible, but at the end of the day that's your job, what are you u gonna do, let her run u away???? of course she wants to point out everything u do wrong, but truth of the matter is if she wanted the position she should have applied she shouldn't take her insecurities out on you, just because she wasn't confident enough to go for the position.. she has an issues that she is not willing to address... long as she is not disrespectful and out of line, i dont think you should really care or do anything...
It sounds like the lines of friendship and work duties are being crossed too much here. You talk about how you were friends with her before, but now this is affecting your job. There has to be a line separating the two. Maybe she feels more at liberty to point things out because of your previous friendship, but it's your job as her superior to put an end to it in a professional manner.
If they had hired outside the company for your position and she did not know the new supervisor, do you think she would be saying these things to the new supe? of course not! She is abusing your previous familiarity and overstepping her bounds.
I agree with Beerab..you don't "try" to talk to someone like this like she's a friend. You have to act the part and be her superior. This is your job, it's not about friendship at this point. You can't worry about whether or not she will like you afterwards. If she can't be friends with you and accept the authority that you have in your job, then she isn't a good friend anyway.
I wanted to add that I have been in your spot before, but the friend was a close friend outside of work. When I become her boss it was difficult, but I had to tell her when she was wrong and we had some uncomfortable business related conversations. We continued to be friends for a long time though because she respected that i had to do my job, friends or not.
When you become boss of someone you were previously colleagues with, there is a lot of jealousy. You are no longer "one of them" you are now their boss. You have to accept that and do your job. No longer about friendship at this point.
I have sat with her and talked with her. She gives excuses saying I belittle her, that she does everything wrong and nothing right. I told her, I have to tell you when you do things wrong, that's my job and when she does something well, I say it. I think she hates that I am Supervisor since she now has to listen to a 28 year old tell her what to do. It stinks that just from me turning into her boss, we can no longer get along.
I am still working on my Supervisor skills, it's much harder telling people what needs to be done. Sometime I wish I never took this position.
I can not write anyone up or give verbals. My Manager has to do this. I have told him about the situation a few times but if he has talked with her, it made it worse.
Last edited by BlueEyes83; 03-09-2011 at 10:24 AM.
What an infortunate situation for you. You mentioned she is 72. There could be alot going on in her life. My parents are 72 and I am starting to learn more about aging parents and how our attitudes are as we age. She could have a lot of stress in her life, maybe she would like to quit her job but can't cause she needs the money, is she single?. there are many different issues a 72 year old faces then someone who is 30 or 40 or even 50. Perhaps she is taking out her issues on you cause you are 'safe', kinda like we do to our partners in life.
this may have already been said here but you could take her into your office and ask her if she is okay cause you noticed lately she has not been herself.
Unless you are the type of person that likes to have something to do, I would be ticked if I was 72 and still working at a job.
Purplefirefly - You are totally right. I have tried to act as her superior but I always end up backing down because I am soft. It doesn't help either because I try to be easier on her since she is much older then any of us here. I will sit with her again and talk with her. Hopefully this time there is a better outcome.
Ashley777 - She actually owns a house that is still being paid for. Her husband can no longer work and she can't retire right now but she want too. I understand this may be stressful for her that she still has to work but she should not be bringing it to work.
Thank you for everyone help!
Last edited by BlueEyes83; 03-09-2011 at 10:32 AM.
It's good that you talked to her, but where did you talk to her at? You can't do it sitting casually in the lunch room or something. It needs to be an official call into your office and then you can't sound whiny or like you are complaining. It has to be firm and she has to know that it is not acceptable.
Since she is coming back complaining that you correct her too much, it sounds like you had more of a friend conversation than an official business conversation..or she doesn't take you seriously as her supervisor. You can't sound like you are complaining as a friend, you have to be official.
You can be very kind and understanding and ask about her problems IF that is the type of supervisor you are (that is good if you are) but you also have to make it clear that it is not okay for her to vent on you if it is other problems like Ashley just said. If you are strong enough while talking to her you will be able to get along because she will have more respect and know her boundaries. She may no longer talk to you like a friend, but some people just can't handle friendships with their bosses, others can.
as for your boss, he may not see this as a serious issue or he sees it as something you should be able to clear up on your own. You have to get tougher, can't let them walk over you because you want them to like you. You have to get that personal bond from outside of work. Put the line in the sand now before it gets worse
You have gotten some good advice here. Remember you are the supervisor and I understand that is sometimes tough , I have been one, myself. You must document her inappropriate behaviour with dates and times , continue to call her in and reprimand her and keep your boss informed , this is very important that the boss knows everything. I, personally think she resents a younger boss. However that is not a valid excuse for her behaviour.
Purplefirefly - You are totally right. I have tried to act as her superior but I always end up backing down because I am soft. It doesn't help either because I try to be easier on her since she is much older then any of us here. I will sit with her again and talk with her. Hopefully this time there is a better outcome.
Thank you for everyone help!
I know, but you can't treat her different because of her age, imo. She sees that softness and if she can back you down once she will not have the respect she should have for you. The higher up you go in management the stronger you have to be, the thicker your skin has to be. They have to know you are in that position because you deserve to be there.
Like I said, you can have compassion and be nice if that is your personality, but compassion is different from letting them walk over you or belittle you. You still have to stand up for yourself and correct the problems. Some people you have to be more official with than others, but you will learn those things the longer you work with people.
Llisten, you got that job for a reason! You are stronger than you think, so tap into that strength, girl!
You may not want to call her in now if you have already talked to her for everything she's done or said so far. See if it happens again, then call her in immediately and be very firm. Keep doing it until she starts to take you more seriously.
This helped me when I was a supervisor and had to do reviews. It came from my boss. Always start out with the positive , such as :
I appreciate that you are always at work on time and that your assignemnt are done promptly and efficiently , but I detect a sense of unwillingness to taking orders from , such as , etc, etc.
These are just examplws, I don't know if they apply to her situation..
!. Praise First.
2. Problems
3. How can this be improved (corrected )
Co-Workers
