Thankfully my husband doesn't do this, but if he did I would say something like, "Really?, that's odd...John at the grocery store, (or any other fictitious man) was just telling me how nice/young/hot I looked today."
I really, really like this response too. Personally, I find it annoying that the people who are supposed to love you despite your "aging" face are sometimes the first ones to make pointed comments about your looks. But I hope you'll be able to find a more diplomatic response to your husband's comments.
Wow. It amazes me that day after day I see threads about some of the crappy things men say to their wives (intent aside). It makes me really appreciate my husband and wonder if he's one of the few that has emotional tact.
Maybe you should ask him why he thinks he has the right to make such inapprpriate and hurtful comments because it's neither helpful nor funny. Breaking down someone's self-esteem is a good way to damage a marriage.
Then I'd proabably get real nasty and sneaky. Next time we're at the grocery store I'd slip a $20 to the bag boy at the grocery store to say to me "I hope you and your dad have a wonderful day!" It would be money well spent.
Personally I would call him on it right there. Even if it was a joke or something. If I don't I tend to let things stew and I end up madder.
My response is normally, "Really? Did you just really say that, why don't you try that again." He usually gets a deer in headlights look and apologizes. I guess that could be kind of harsh. But It is kind of like you would do with a pet. You can punish a cat for peeing on the rug two days laters. They have already forgotten and moved on.
So every once in awhile, my hubby will say something bad about my *ahem* aging face like: this lighting is bad for you, you're starting to get your granny's lower jaw, blah,blah, wrinkles, blah, blah, sagging skin, etc.
I just want to tell him to stfu , but I should handle it better than that, right?
Anyone have a more diplomatic way to respond?
Thanks
Hi ddc that must really hurt. I'm not sure what is going through your husbands mind but that was a really cold thing to say. The only thing I can add is to communicate with your husband. Tell him you need to have a talk. Hold your head up and look him in the eye and tell him you are working very hard to take care of your health and body. And these kinds of remarks really hurt.
Through all the years of the good and the bad with my husband the only thing that really solves problems that come up with us- is keeping the line of communication open. I realized one day- time spent angry with my husband is such a waste of time. It accomplishes nothing. But making me more upset and stressed. Talk with him get it strait with him.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I think his biggest problem is that he's the youngest of three boys and they grew up picking on each other, putting each other down, etc. Definately not how you should treat your wife that you want to have sex with though - lol !!
In the past, I've just been kind of flabergasted when he would say such things and just respond with a "gee thanks, that was really nice", but I think I just need to lay down the law and tell him that he's not to say hurtful things to me anymore.
If he's normally socially dense go with the above "that hurts my feelings." If he's joking, I personally am an eye for an eye type of girl, and would make a "joke" about something he is particularly sensitive about. Then ask how he likes it? If he's doing it in a hurtful manner...there are bigger issues to deal with.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I think his biggest problem is that he's the youngest of three boys and they grew up picking on each other, putting each other down, etc. Definately not how you should treat your wife that you want to have sex with though - lol !!
In the past, I've just been kind of flabergasted when he would say such things and just respond with a "gee thanks, that was really nice", but I think I just need to lay down the law and tell him that he's not to say hurtful things to me anymore.
Thanks again chickies
Then this one might help:
"You know, I was going to ROCK YOUR WORLD with hot crazy mind-blowing sex tonight, but now that I think about it the lighting might not be right so nevermind..."
Is this a new development in your relationship? The ONLY time my husband mentioned something negative about my appearance was when he had been "romancing" another woman. I was so hurt, and still am. But he's been trying to get back to our old relationship and hasn't said anything negative since then.
I like both the "Gee, I was going to give you hot sex..." and "John at the grocery store..." responses best. (but STFU is appropriate too.)
I LOOOOOVE some of these responses! I so need to use them, haha.
My husband and I joke about my flat butt sometimes. No point in denying the fact that I have a flat butt, and I don't mind having a sense of humor about myself to an extent. So I don't mind the occasional Megan's-flat-butt comment, but it does get old...and then hurtful...after awhile. I would be okay with it if it was the occasional loving little inside joke, and I think that's how DH thinks it is, but he hardly ever makes any NICE comments about my appearance. That's what I don't get. He knows I have body issues, he knows that I crave compliments (that sounds pathetic, but if any of you have ever read 5 Languages of Love? My love language is Words of Affirmation without a doubt), and yet he still only comments about my flat butt. <sigh>. I think next time I'm going to start firing some of these responses back and see what he does.
And ddc, I saw that you mentioned that your guy is the youngest of three boys? MINE TOO! I think they just have a hurt or be hurt complex. I'm an only child, so I never learned how to stick up for myself OR how to pick on others. I wouldn't EVER purposefully make a hurtful remark about any body image issue he has. I can be a b*tch in my own way, but I'm very sensitive about body image issues -- mine and other peoples'.
It would be money well spent.
Me too, though - that's what I would say.
, but I should handle it better than that, right?
that must really hurt. I'm not sure what is going through your husbands mind but that was a really cold thing to say. 
