Just a quick question, do you all get annoyed when you are at dinner with someone and they can't stop texting or checking emails? I personally find that rude but has society become that dependent on everyday technology? How do you politely tell someone that it annoys you without offending them? I make sure to keep my phone in my purse out if sight. Do any of you all find this ok? Am I over reacting?
I guess it depends on the person... I personally would be lost without my iPhone and I do read texts and stuff while eating dinner sometimes. But, it's just me there, noone there to annoy haha.
The only time I do not play with my phone is while on a date, to me that is rude.
If I am with someone that MUST check texts--like if they have a family member in the hospital or something, I don't mind. Also, I am a mom. Most often I am with other moms. If a phone rings and they need to answer it I don't mind. I understand when you are away from your kids, that is reality.
However, MY HUSBAND texts and answers calls all the time for work! It drives me batty to see his friggin' Blackberry in the darkness of the morning as I first wake. Same goes for using it during our "coffee time" in the mornings or when we dine together. I have now progressed to the point that I get up and WALK OFF! I don't care if he tries to reel me back in by getting off and asking me to rejoin him. Once I get up and walk off, I am done. Period. I don't get huffy and I don't stress. I just wash my hands of it and go do something for me!
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 10-02-2010 at 12:45 PM.
I keep my phone put away and severely restrict how I use it when I am with people other than my wife.
There have been times when I was expecting something (usually for work) to come in via phone, email, or text on my phone (my employer pays for my phone plan and phone internet service, so I think that should buy them a certain amount of "always available", within reason...phone goes off altogether at formal events like weddings, movie theaters, and the like). If this is the case, I let the people I am with know ahead of time (I'm so sorry, but I'm waiting for X for work, so please forgive me if it comes in, it'll take 5 min to deal with), keep the phone in my pocket on silent mode so I am as discreet as possible if it rings/buzzes, and excuse myself away from the table if something comes in I need to deal with.
If it's a real, recurring problem (your companion does this through an entire meal), you might try saying "You seem to be preoccupied - should we reschedule dinner for a time you're less busy?" Then smile. Hopefully the message will come across loud and clear.
Thighs - I basically have my work computer in front of me at all times (I work from home, so my home is my office, and I have a lot going on at the moment, so my schedule is pretty much eat bathe exercise work sleep), so I understand your husband. It was annoying Sarah, too, so we had to make rules. She sat me down and said, "I know that your work keeps you busy, and that's fine, but I'm starting to feel like you're ignoring me", and we worked out a plan that keeps us both happy. You might talk to your husband and see if you can make some rules. Ours are:
1. If she talks to me, I need to look up from my keyboard. I get very deeply absorbed when I'm working hard on something, and sometimes she says something and I literally don't hear...I'm not ignoring her, I just don't hear her. So, she says my name until I LOOK UP to ensure I know she's talking to me, and I don't get back on whatever I was doing until we're done talking.
2. She can request work-free evenings (I work on and off most evenings, since I am in meetings during the day and can't get to emails/documents until then)...if I have deadlines and can't do it that evening, we schedule a date night after whatever I'm doing is due.
3. Regular "date nights", even at home, where the phone stays PUT AWAY.
I can relate to this; my bf's phone never stops ringing, EVER! His mom calls him like 30 times a day and his dad calls him another 20-30 times in the same day. This is how it is now that we are living together but during our first year of dating he used to get that many calls from his parents and his friends not to mention all the text messages, and it really bothered me because it would interrupt our date all the time. We'd be out to dinner and he'd get up and walk away from the table to take his calls. It always made me feel like he was hiding something from me. I eventually told him how much it bothers me and I know he tried to stop doing it, but he just couldn't.
Now we that we live together and have a baby he doesn't talk to his friends as often, but his parents... they call non stop and it's not because they have any health problems or anything, they call just to tell him something like it's cold outside... He ignores the calls now for the most part but if he doesn't answer them they just keep calling over and over until he answers it.
I try not to text during dinner. But ever since my cousin couldn't get ahold of me to tell me my grandpa had died, because I was at dinner, I've become totally paranoid. I leave it on vibrate and keep it in the pocket of my pants. My hubby does the same thing. He has to leave his phone on for work in case he gets called back.
I think social texting while at dinner with someone else is rude but I do have my phone with me at all times in case of emergency family stuff. (Very old mother, fit as a flea but still....)
My boyfriend is addicted to his iPhone. It drives me batty. I can't remember ONE meal time where he hasn't pulled it out at least one. Mostly playing Words with Friends. It pisses me off so bad!
I keep my phone put away and severely restrict how I use it when I am with people other than my wife.
There have been times when I was expecting something (usually for work) to come in via phone, email, or text on my phone (my employer pays for my phone plan and phone internet service, so I think that should buy them a certain amount of "always available", within reason...phone goes off altogether at formal events like weddings, movie theaters, and the like). If this is the case, I let the people I am with know ahead of time (I'm so sorry, but I'm waiting for X for work, so please forgive me if it comes in, it'll take 5 min to deal with), keep the phone in my pocket on silent mode so I am as discreet as possible if it rings/buzzes, and excuse myself away from the table if something comes in I need to deal with.
If it's a real, recurring problem (your companion does this through an entire meal), you might try saying "You seem to be preoccupied - should we reschedule dinner for a time you're less busy?" Then smile. Hopefully the message will come across loud and clear.
I like this idea. Thanks for the input. I don't have a problem with work related calls and texts but personal stuff like friends and family, is when it becomes annoying. I will try your advice. Thanks!! I guess a part of me just doesn't understand how they can think it's ok.
I can relate to this; my bf's phone never stops ringing, EVER! His mom calls him like 30 times a day and his dad calls him another 20-30 times in the same day. This is how it is now that we are living together but during our first year of dating he used to get that many calls from his parents and his friends not to mention all the text messages, and it really bothered me because it would interrupt our date all the time. We'd be out to dinner and he'd get up and walk away from the table to take his calls. It always made me feel like he was hiding something from me. I eventually told him how much it bothers me and I know he tried to stop doing it, but he just couldn't.
Now we that we live together and have a baby he doesn't talk to his friends as often, but his parents... they call non stop and it's not because they have any health problems or anything, they call just to tell him something like it's cold outside... He ignores the calls now for the most part but if he doesn't answer them they just keep calling over and over until he answers it.
This is my challenge!! I don't understand how some parents can't give a couple personal time! My parents never disturb me unless it's an emergency or I call them at a time that I make to devote myself and attention to them!! I'm glad I'm not alone!!
What I've noticed with my university/adult students is that looking at phones has now become almost a tic - they don't know they're doing it.
I have a pretty low tolerance for cell phones in class, and all my students know this (in my adult classes, however, I do know that occasionally moms will need to check their phones, or other exceptions need to be made. I'm not merciless). I was teaching one day, looking directly at a student, when she broke eye contact with me, leaned over, picked up her phone, checked the screen, and put it back. The following is our (paraphrased) conversation:
Me: Alexandra! What are you doing with your phone?
Student: (Looking surprised and embarrassed) I'm so sorry! I don't know why I did that!
Me: Why you looked at your phone in class?
Student: I didn't mean to! I think it's just a habit.
And THAT'S the crux of the matter. People are constantly on their phones out of habit, I think, not realizing they're being rude, because they're just not thinking about it.
Up until June of this year, I had a regular old phone I could use for calls and texts. In June, I got an iPhone. While I love it and, purely for the Livestrong app would never give it back, I have to constantly remind myself that I don't have to constantly be using it, just because I have it. I try NOT to use it to fill time when I'm waiting for a friend, or in line at the store. I think it just encourages my short attention span.
Whew! All that to say, I really try not to use my phone when I'm with other people, and would be ticked off if they stopped having a conversation with me just to text someone else.
After all the years of pushing the idea that taking phone calls during dinner was verboten . . .everything changes! My stepsons' mother made it a point to call at 6 - exactly when we all finally got to sit down together to eat. DH asked her just to wait 45 minutes but that must have been too much for her. The kids would say "she said we HAVE to get the phone - it could be an emergency!" Of course, it NEVER was.
Unless someone has a really good reason (work emergency - not just biz as usual, young kids who need to get a hold of you, sick relative, picking up someone from the airport) I think it STILL is rude to act like whoever trying to get in touch with you is any more important than the human being sitting in front of you! I'm sure my ideas seem old and tired but civility and manners are dying in our society and it hurts us all.
I don't mind if it's one or two texts, I'm guilty of doing the same (although I will often share with my friends what I'm doing).
However, once I was out to lunch with a friend who kept on taking calls throughout the lunch. I finally turned to him and said, very seriously, "Chris, if you touch that phone one more time, it's going straight into your soup."
I absolutely hate it and think it's completely rude.
Obviously, it depends on the situation. If I'm out with someone and that person is expecting a call from work, etc. and lets me know ahead of time it might happen - no problem. If someone has a family member in crisis - no brainer. If you're sitting at home and your husband is checking his work mails during breakfast - okay, I could probably live with that.
However - I've had to cut the crap at some point. During grad school I was out with 4 or 5 friends for sushi. Mind, it wasn't just your average cafeteria dinner - we had planned this evening and it was a nice restaurant. Next thing I know I'm sitting at the table with 5 people - and all of them are on their (new) iphones, checking emails, comparing apps, and texting friends.
I was PISSED. So I told them if there were other places they'd rather be, they should just leave and not bother with me.
I just think it's so rude if you're trying to have a conversation with someone and you know they aren't paying attention b/c they always have an eye on their phone. It doesn't exactly tell me that I'm their preferred choice of entertainment. If it's a text or 2, that's different, but honestly - I also hate it when people have to put their phone on the table. Like you can't put it in a purse or pocket? Does everyone have to know what an important person you are?
I really, really can't stand that aspect of technology. I just feel people are never 100% focused on what they are doing at the moment - and you end up not enjoying right to the fullest.
I'm not saying I never check my phone while I'm out and I can even relate to it becoming a tick (I do that with checking email/FB and it's annoying the heck out of me!). But I do think it's a matter of courtesy and manners to give the person across from you your full attention and I do find nothing wrong with politely letting people know that it's upsetting.
Texting while at dinner
