I just wanted to add what I always get when I say I don't want to have kids (I'm 36 btw).
*disappointed/shocked/sad face* "oh but you'd be SUCH a good mother!"
I mean...really? First of all, how do you know that?
Second of all, THAT'S why I should want to have kids? It's like they're implying I'm going to be the second coming of Mother Theresa and deprive all these unborn children or something the way they go on about it! lol.
I get the flip of that - Never planned on kids, never gave it much thought then surprise here comes Jack
Now people ask me constantly "When are you having more?" this is how the conversation goes for the most part.
me - "Im not"
them - "Really?"
Me - "Yup, I'm done"
Them - "You still have time to change your mind"
me - "Not going to. I'm done"
Them - "Really? Just one"
Me - "You know what, I think you're right I've changed my mind"
Them - "seriously?" looking a little shocked and some how proud of themselves
me - "No"
At that point of some smart mouthed comment from me they seem to get the hint and drop it
it is likely something you will here from people through your 30s, many people won't comment on it unless you bring up your plan NOT to on your own though.
I'd just avoid the conversation from going there if i were you, I have a friend i used to work with awhile ago that was in her early 30s when i met her and it seems like anytime kids came up in discussion and she stated her plan not to have any she would ALWAYS get in arguments where someone would say 'Oh, you'll change your mind once that clock starts ticking' or some such.
she, being stubborn and kind of a loud mouth, would tell them that she knew her own mind and didnt want children and wouldnt want children. and that would usually start some sort of heated discussion lol
My husband and I aren't planning on having biological children. Neither one of us have any interest, any desire, we just don't want to do it. This of course ellicits all sorts of responses from don't we want REAL kids/kids of our own/ you need to pass on your genes/you'll change your mind/you HAVE to/etc. At first I tried to reason with them or explain our decision. Unfortunately, that never seems to work. Now I stick to "I can't because of my back injury" (which is only partially true, and something that I found out about AFTER deciding not to birth children) but it's so much easier than trying to reason with ridiculous people.
Hubs on the other hand... is blunt. "Not that it's any of your business but I was in an accident as a teenager that left me unable to have children. But thanks for bringing up a really painful subject!" This gets the stammering apologies, etc. A few minutes later he'll pipe in with "That's not actually true, but I want you to consider that possibility each and every time you think about sticking your nose into someone else's reproductive business"
I used to get comments about how I better stop waiting and I'm not getting any younger and blah blah blah, and this was when I was in my late 20's and experiencing very painful infertility. Fast forward a few years and I have two great kids. But personally I can't imagine commenting on someone else's plans to have children or not have children, I would assume whatever they choose to share with me is the truth and I certainly wouldn't question it or act like I might know better what they want than them! That's kind of crazy, lol.
Hmm I will also point out that maybe this was something your coworker has grown up listening to. Maybe her social environment said it so often to her when she was at that age she wasn't sure she wanted childrern that just telling her to you wasn't of such a big deal to her.
I, for example, come for a small medditerannean island that everybody is expected to get married by the age of 28 or else.... Which really means that most people I meet once they know about my age (I am 25) and the fact I am single they all go "you need to find a guy soon!" *rolls eyes*
I even had a 7-year old student of mine tell me - and that was said very innocently to the point it caused me to chuckle later - that I still had a few more years but I had to marry before 30 because after that I would be too old and guys marry women under 30.
I think everyone has an opinion! But each and everyone of us knows what we want. I probably wouldn't have the conversation at all. I think for most women it has been built into us that we should have children as part of our duties to society, but if you don't want them you definitely should not have them. I wish more people made a logical choice to not have children for the sake of the children born to women that really are not good mothers.
I myself have 3 children. After my 3rd was born I made the appointment to have my tubes tied. I actually had an appointment to have them tied between my 2nd and 3rd child and oops here came the 3rd. So when I chose to have them tied after my daughter was born I was really surprised at how many people said to me I shouldn't do that I was to young what if I changed my mind. All I could think was I am 28 years old I have 3 children under the age of 6, how many children would be enough. Honestly I always wanted 1 and I ended up with 3 how could I afford anymore than that in the first place. It is shocking how people think they know what is best for everyone else! I am a firm believer if I had not had my tubes tied I would have had at least one more by now which seems so unrealistic for my self and my family! I am so happy with the choice I made 5 years ago and I still get now when are you having another one....my response that is an impossible feat considering I tied my tubes 5 years ago I guess you will have to have one if you want to have a baby around.
If you know that you don't want children by all means stick to it and know that you don't have to explain it to anybody!
I got those kinds of statement, early on.
