[RockingBird]

Well, here's a few questions I have for all of you! I want to see everyone's answers, or even stories.

1. Lies. How do you handle lies? Of course big lies are a no no. But what about small lies that seem harmless, is it a red flag for you? "No, I didn't talk to ____ last night." when they actually did. "No, I didn't drink at that party." when they actually did. "I went to bed straight after/couldn't call or text you." when they actually could have! How do you guys handle little lies like that? And what about when you "find out" about your boyfriend/girlfriend/hubby lying about something stupid, tell them you don't like it, and they end up doing it ONCE AGAIN? What do you do?


2. Friends of the opposite sex. How you you handle those? Would you let your significant other hangout with a "friend" that isn't a relative, and is just a friend? Would you be comfortable with them talking and hanging out alone at times?


3. Porn. Do you consider that cheating? Would you let your significant other watch it? If not, what if you were away for a period of time?


4. Disrespect. How do you handle it? A guy calling you a b*tch, or cussing at you? Yelling, or even raising his voice, or getting mad at you for stupid things? How do you handle that?


5. Jealousy. Of course everyone likes to see their partner a little jealous at times, but what about if it got out of hand? They started getting controlling and asking where you were going and with who? Going through your stuff and being overly jealous?

[ThicknPretty]

1) My biggest peeve! The small ones bug me the most because I always wonder what the point was. I've dated guy who would like about eveything from what they had for lunch to if they used fabric softener or not and it DRIVES ME CRAZY! Lies only make things complicated when they don't have to be! It's hard for me to let lies go, big or small, so it can be a relationship killer.

2) Not crazy about the friends of an opposite sex. It will never be something I love the idea of, but as long as I meet the girl and feel somewhat comfortable with her and the communication in my relationship is open and I feel like he has his boundaries firmly established, it's tolerable.

3) Porn doesn't bother me at all. I like it myself, how could I hold it against him? As long as it doesn't become an obsession, a constant distraction or an addiction, we're good!

4) I don't tolerate this at all. I did in the past because I didn't want to believe that it was and would continue to be a pattern. I'm not that girl anymore.

5) I think extreme jealousy is a sign of extreme insecurity and that's a huge turn off for me! A real man knows how to handle himself, is able to trust his partner and express the things he feels uncomfortable about without getting crazy about it.

[nelie]

1. Lies are unacceptable. If you are willing to work it out, I'd ask about the lies, counseling may be in order if you are in a long term relationship, otherwise get rid of him/her.

2. Friends of opposite sex. I'd say it depends. How friendly are they with these friends? Does he/she go out with these friends without you? It is something that you have to work through as a couple.

3. Porn. This one depends on how you and your partner feel about it. Is your partner watching porn excessively? Does the porn bother you? Have you talked about it. Some guys/girls watch porn, some don't. It could interfere in your relationship or it could be part of your relationship, its up to you as a couple.

4. Disrespect - get rid of him/her

5. Excessive jealousy needs to be worked out if you want to stay in the relationship. It isn't a healthy part of a relationship. A little jealousness is fine but total outright controlling due to it? Not ok.

[GoldenLeaf]

1. Lies are annoying and generally pointless. They either get found out and the consequence of that is worse than if you were just honest about the original screw up in the first place. If I found out my partner had been lying constantly I'd assess whether he really was who I thought he was.

2. Depends. Generally it's fine - I have male friends and it would really be unacceptable to me if my partner told me I couldn't be friends with them. Trust is so important in a relationship and I know that I'm not going to be tempted with any of them - wasn't when I was single, so why would that change now? They're just friends. I think the attitude of that friend towards your partner means the world here. All my male friends I'd be more than happy to go and hang out with my boyfriend! There's NOTHING other than platonic friendship going on.

However there are always going to be exceptions to this - for example, one particular girl my boyfriend knows from a "past life" is quite the trouble maker and I've made it clear I think it unwise to keep her as a part of his or our lives now. He's fine with that and I accept that he also has the ability to judge whether any of my male friends (or female for that matter) shouldn't be a part of our life. But I trust his judgement and he mine, it's not a control issue. I left my ex-husband partly because he thought he had the right to tell me who should be my friend - it wasn't just "hey babe I think that guy has intentions on you, what do you think? do you think you should maybe not talk to him anymore?" it was "YOU WON'T SEE THOSE FRIENDS EVER AGAIN". Sorry no, I'm a reasonable adult not a child. Speak to me like an equal, not an unruly delinquent! I would have been happy to have a reasoned discussion about the issue but an order? Not acceptable!

3. Porn isn't cheating in my opinion. My partner knows I don't like it so he doesn't watch it at home. Actually I think he mostly doesn't watch it at all anymore but as soon as I told him I didn't like seeing it I never saw it around again - maybe he watches it some other time but I honestly wouldn't know and don't care.

4. Disrespect is not cool and not acceptable (see point 2). When we disagree we still keep it civil and we don't say things we'll regret after. We've both come from past relationships where that line was crossed and I think we've both learned from it!

5. See point 2 again. I don't think snooping or trying to control your partner's life is ever acceptable. If you (general-you, not OP-you) want to know something about your partner's life then ask or let them know how you feel. If you aren't comfortable asking questions or aren't truly content with the answers than you might need to examine the value of remaining in a relationship without trust.

[lizziep]

lying is a deal breaker. period.
friends of the opposite sex don't bother me.
porn is fine as long as it's not exploiting children or animals and as long as your partner is still more interested in you then the porn.
disrespect i probably put up with this from my spouse more then i should. but we all have bad days and sometimes i just blow it off.
i've never really dealt with jealousy before. if he was really jealous and trying to control me- it'd be a deal breaker.

[smisen]

1. No one's 100% honest with their partner, so it's not a deal-breaker for me. There are things I do that I don't want my husband to know about, and I expect that he has some secrets he wouldn't want to share with me. I think it's more about trust than lying - I don't need to know where he is or what he's doing all the time, so I don't try to catch him in lies. If you don't feel comfortable with what your partner is doing when you aren't there, that's probably a bigger indication of problems than the lying.

2. Some of my husband's best friends are girls, and some of mine are guys, so maybe I'm not the best judge here? Again, I trust him, and I know that if there's someone he'd rather be with than me, then he'd bring it up.

3. Doesn't bother me. I like some of it myself, so as long as we have the understanding that I'm not a porn star and can't pull off some of the moves the girls in the videos can, we're cool

4. Blatant disrespect isn't cool. I think you have to leave a little room for each partner to act stupidly from time-to-time, but consistent name calling and belittling aren't okay.

5. My husband and I are two of the least jealous people ever - neither of us has the patience for it