I try really hard not to judge. I usually have no way of knowing another's path in life. I do, however, have alot of empathy for those that appear to be struggling either physically or emotionally. I was either obese/borderline obese for 20+ years as an adult so that may color my thinking. Just this week I was having a conversation with 2 friends, that have never really struggled with their weight. They were discussing how a specific person, who was very obese, should just "try" to eat better and starting walking. I did state that as someone who has been there that just starting was completely overwhelming for me and that it was easy for others to judge but not so easy if you were in that position yourself.
I feel no better than anyone else
just because I've lost weight.
I've seen girls that are 200 + lbs wearing
bikinis at a beach and I envy them for being
so confident when my 140 pound self finds it
so hard revealing my tummy or legs. You never
know who, like us, is trying to lose weight
or going through the same hard journey we are.
Sometimes, when I hear someone complain about how much they want to lose weight, whilst AT THE SAME TIME doing all the things that are bad for them, i.e. eating poorly or not exercising, I am impatient in my own head with them. My thought is "Well, I did it, why can't you - just do it if you want it do bad!"
If someone doesnct want to lose weight, then I don;t judge them for being overweight - it is their choice.
I do experience a certain smugness when I am the slimmest woman in a room - the first time I met my now dh's family at a family party, I was the thinnest one there! I have since met some of his nieces are who thinner than me, so I can't make that claim any more, but it felt good for a while!! But that's something to be kept in my head!
I don't judge people for being overweight, or at least no more than I used to. I will admit to being more attracted, in general, to attractive people: I'm more flattered when someone beautiful and charming and graceful compliments me (about anything, not just my appearance) than the same comment coming from someone who is not charismatic. But I was always that way. I think it's human nature.
I do find I work less hard to prove myself to strangers now. Unfortunately, very obese people (and I was very obese) are perceived by many as less ambitious, less clever, less insightful--I used to work really hard to make sure I showed myself to not be like that. Now I don't feel like I have to do this as much.
I think the attitude is more about confidence, really. Those that were larger and are now thinner are probably over-compensating by being a bit mean. I know I have - and now, yes, I am quite judgemental over why people are big. I guess I just wonder how anyone could be happy at that size. I dunno. I try not to be outwardly mean though, I keep my mean to myself. I'm trying this whole 'tact' thing. It seems to be working, nobody's deleted me off Facebook for a whole month!
I've noticed a few women who, at one time, heavy and then, once they lost the weight, started to become snobby. One of them always makes comments about how she is "fat" again because she gained 3 pounds...btw, she is a size 5 (she told me so) while I'm WAY more than double her size. What the **** does she expect me to say to that? Do sometimes feel like she does this on purpose to make me feel bad because I use to be smaller than her 2 years ago.
There was another female coworker who use to be heavy and eventually lost weight. She got snobby and would make fun of overweight people. I hope that WHEN (I'm trying to get rid of using the would "if" in terms of losing weight) I lose the weight, that I will not turn into a ***** like these 2 women have from their weight loss. Yes, I do think many women/people become arrogant after losing weight. There is a different between being confident and being arrogant.
I've noticed a few women who, at one time, heavy and then, once they lost the weight, started to become snobby. One of them always makes comments about how she is "fat" again because she gained 3 pounds...btw, she is a size 5 (she told me so) while I'm WAY more than double her size. What the **** does she expect me to say to that? Do sometimes feel like she does this on purpose to make me feel bad.
There is a different between being confident and being arrogant.
All of my thinner female friends say things like that first part to me too. They probably complain about their weight because they're insecure and/or uncomfortable about it. Aren't we all! lol. But yeah, it comes out to me (as a bigger girl) as if they're rubbing it in my face. But deep down, I think it's more or less people being inconsiderate and talking without even thinking. And then there are those who want to compare misery (because after all it loves company), and have a pity party.
I think commiserating with your close friends now and then is ok, but I also think people need to remember to consider people's feelings and their situation. I think people most often think inward so much that they forget that there's always someone else out there having a harder time than they are. On that note, that's why 3FC is so great. We can all meet more people who are in our weight range to help and support each other without putting our foot in our mouths haha.
And yeah, confidence without being arrogant is definitely a good quality. Well said.
I think commiserating with your close friends now and then is ok, but I also think people need to remember to consider people's feelings and their situation. I think people most often think inward so much that they forget that there's always someone else out there having a harder time than they are. On that note, that's why 3FC is so great. We can all meet more people who are in our weight range to help and support each other without putting our foot in our mouths haha.
We've had our issues with that here, as well. People who have 10 lbs to go, compared to 100, for example, talking about how fat they are. There are plenty of people here whose start weight is below my goal weight.
I have never worried about the "Oh, I am so fat" comments from others. Even when I was heavy, I never understood taking that as "rubbing it in". That a person is feeling big/bloated/sluggish/heavy isn't a judgement on ME, you know? It's just how that person feels about themselves, separate entirely from how they feel about me or how I feel about me.
I have never worried about the "Oh, I am so fat" comments from others. Even when I was heavy, I never understood taking that as "rubbing it in". That a person is feeling big/bloated/sluggish/heavy isn't a judgement on ME, you know? It's just how that person feels about themselves, separate entirely from how they feel about me or how I feel about me.
True. Your'e right. Everyone feels differently, has different tolerances, and comfort levels. Someone who weighs 140, who's trying to lose a couple pounds and get down to 130 might feel completely uncomfortable with their weight. But the way I see it, it's a two way road. The person with the issue should consider others and be respectful, and the person on the receiving end of the conversation should keep an open mind. There's a time and a place for everything and a 140 lb person probably wouldn't go into a 300+ thread and quibble over 10 lbs. At least I would hope they wouldn't. Just as I would expect my thinner friends to be a little sensitive toward my weight struggle when complaining about their own. It's a respect thing. And I think remembering what is appropriate is always key in communication. Especially on delicate topics.
I just hope and pray that I don't become like this. Right now when I see a severly overweight person my heart just goes out to them.
The other thing is, people out in the world see me still as fat...BUT what they don't see is that I have taken leaps and bounds in my journey...that at one point started with just one step. How do we know these people haven't taken that first step already? Or are already 10 pounds lighter then they were? I just don't know how someone can judge so harshly when they have no clue about that persons life.
I would hate to find out someday that something I said or a look I gave made someone give up or go home and binge...everyone deserves love and respect...who are we to decide who deserves it and who doesn't?
Sorry I will get off my soap box....but like I said, I hope I NEVER do this when I lose all the weight...I would be very miserable inside...
Ok after I read this it made me just wanna post what happened recently On facebook I wanted to get everyones intake on the new hot thang on Facebook ~Those things where u press u like a saying...Well the newest one I have been seeing pop up that some people on my friends list have clicked like too Really pissed me off so ~ heres what it says then It says click if u like this ...
~Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished."
I read that & totally was uanble to comment ~only was able to press I liked it too ~thats an only option To it~which
I refused to do ~it was degrading to People! Anyways heres what loud mouth me wrote on My facebook wall....
"I hate this thing people have been clicking they like~Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished." ~thats awful to say! Would people get pissed if it said welcome to Lane Bryant Our sizes are Large,XL,overweight,Obese, Morbidly obese , Fat a$$,& God even We hope we carry your size!?(I would be offended over either Personally)"
Then I also wrote this as a comment cause your limited to how much u can write on a wall post....
No offense to those that clicked they liked the above saying About Abercrombie.. I was just wanting to say it's degrading to some people...& make a point that neither of the above would be pleasant to read for different sized people~(I was heavy all my life until I started my journey so I am in know way degrading heavy women or thin women) Just had to speak my peace on the subject. Hugs*
~So what do u all think? I know I should have added men to it too! I was just so pissed off at the whole thing & Lane Bryant was all I could think of that sold plus size clothes cause I am a yard sale/thrift shop/walmart/clearence stores queen....And 2 be honest I rarely got anything much different when I was heavier...So I aint sure what lane bryant sales But I was trying to get my point across cause I knew I had recieved a few of there catalogs in the past & they had plus sizes in them~Anyways~I know it was a bit much But I hope they got the point.....& yes I know what I came up with for the Lane Bryant bit for heavier people was nuts but I had to get my point across somehow! I am still aggravated about it! And I know I was the unpopular lady with issues when people read that when they logged onto there facebook pages ~especially the ones that clicked they liked that saying ~OMG! Anyways I click i like some things sometimes ~such as ~they call them skinny jeans ~not make ya skinny Jeans~because I bought some recently & They didn't make me look skinnier LOL~So I thought that was a bit funny ~ But I think most everyone can relate to that being true That owns a pair of skinny jeans~the above statement about abercrombie sizing is totally untrue ~just because A person is skinny or heavy~going on the abercrombie & Lane Bryant thingy(& yes I made up the lane bryant one To make an example On my Facebook page)~Doesn't mean they do not eat correctly or they are unhealthy~I was unhealthy when I was heavy severely & still have a few probs not weight related though Or To do with what I eat..Health wise
THOUGHTS PLEASE.....
I hope I didn't go too far ~but I felt it necassary~I am tired of being picked on whether your small or Big ~it's Getting out of control!
We should all be proud Of who we are as individuals regardless of our sizes~I started my journey because of health issues & I have have went beyond my original goal even.(counting calories) From a size 22 to a 2's,3's,& 4's (depends on brands) I will never make fun of a heavy person ever I have never been small until now & Have been Heavy all my life otherwise. I also feel that heavy people are rude to make fun of small people also. It's all sooo silly so I know where everyone is coming from to be made Fun of any time or to see someone making fun of others is pure meaness!
I live by this:respect yourself & those around You & hope they do the same ~if they don't at least you know you did the right thing regardless & Tell them your feelings on the situation when they do it.Maybe they need to hear it~It's ok to take up for yourself or others if its the right thing to do & you do it respectfully!
(My words)
~Sorry to write a book but I thought y'all Would be the best people to talk this over with cause we all struggle with weight issues~ & it was subject appropriate(i think)
How funny! IF they do me it may be this option I choose~ or this one or even this one
I am j/k
That made my day to read though! HILARIOUS!(oh & I know what u was getting at~I will be happy to call u that for a hug now cause u only weigh 175~Aint u skinny already?To me I was skinny the day I hit onederland Which u started in ~so wheres my hug? I would rather call u skinnie minnie though does that get me a hug? hehehehehe)
I don't really think anyone has bashed skinny people on this forum.
I do have a different attitude than I used to but I'm one of those people that believe you get what you put into the universe. I choose a more positive outlook
I do get a little impatient with people that come up to me trying to justify the way they are eating....would I eat it? Nope. Do I care you are eating it? That would be a big negative.
I don't judge by appearances....people can be nice & a possible friend no matter how they look. The same can be said for mean people
outta me!!!!!!!! 
Hilarious!
How funny! IF they do me it may be this option I choose~
or this one 
or even this one
