i do this, not because it makes me feel better or anything like that, i think its jealousy as i cant eat things with wheat and gluten so that means no cake or anything similar for me.
i do this, not because it makes me feel better or anything like that, i think its jealousy as i cant eat things with wheat and gluten so that means no cake or anything similar for me.
This is me, too.
Let me say that I love how healthy I am now. I hate my body most days, but it's my own fault for what I did to it to get as big as I was. But I love how I feel and the things I can do.
That being said, I 100% truly miss just not caring about food. Just being able to sit at a restaurant and get an appetizer and entree without having to stress out over how many calories are in it, how much sodium is in it, if it fits into my plan, what I'll have to do without to afford it, etc. Heck, even having my favorite desserts at my favorite restaurants is out of the question anymore because of the way I obsess over food and staying the weight I am now.
When I see my husband able to afford a Snicker bar in his daily calories when I can't, I get mad and jealous. Same is true with my co-workers, who go out to eat all the time together. I find myself making comments to my husband on how they eat, when I was doing the same thing not too long ago. It's all about how I wish I was FREE to do what they're doing, and I'm not anymore.
The only way to break any bad habit/change any bad lifestyle is to recognize that you have control over it. Once you've recognized that you have control over it, it's hard not to transfer that to other people--to see that they have control, as well.
Most people manage to compartmentalize this--I know I have control, I can do this/ I am not in their head, I do not know what their challenges are--but I understand why some people don't. Accepting that other people may not be able to change might make you lose faith in your own ability. And that faith is crucial to success.
Shmead.
I am glad you posted this. Its not about superiority, or hate. Its about a firm dogma/faith/philosophy that you are generalizing to everyone. Just like Christians believe that you won't go to heaven if you don't accept Christ, people who have adopted the "control" philosophy believe that obese people may still be struggling and failing to work on their control/addiction issues.
When I see an obese person in McDonald's I think they have:
a) either lost control temporarily/permanently and need help
or
b)willfully refuse to exercise control over their eating/health habits.
Do I hate them or feel superior? No. Sometimes I feel sad, and as a person still on the weight loss journey I am also reminded of the fact that I still struggle and will always struggle, yet I am chosing to fight the addiction and not pretend that I have no control, or willfully surrender control.
I guess that's why you lost such a tremendous amount of weight Shmead.
In order to have lost 130 pounds you must have had to develop that "You have control" philosophy Its a very good way of working up to the discipline of choosing exercise and healthy foods over other options.
Last edited by Harsdottir; 07-07-2010 at 02:21 PM.
Even though I'm still fat, I'm guilty of this (though not like your friend). I think my being "judgmental" is really a low tolerance for people who complain yet make no effort to do anything about it. I know a few people who are always complaining about their weight -- saying how fat they are, how they're tired of not being able to fit into their clothes, etc. And that's all they do is complain. When exercise and eating healthier are brought up they have tons of excuses. Maybe I'm this way because when I was bigger, I didn't complain to anyone (other than myself and journal) about my weight. So when I hear others complaining about their weight all the time, it's like "shut up if you're not going to do anything about it."
When I see an obese person in McDonald's I think they have:
a) either lost control temporarily/permanently and need help
or
b)willfully refuse to exercise control over their eating/health habits.
I'm an optimist I never liked fast food and don't understand the draw but there have been people here who have said they have included fast food in their diet. If I saw an obese person eating a high calorie meal such as fast food, I don't think I could make any assumptions about where they are in their life. Perhaps they include a 'splurge' meal in their eating plan and eating the fast food meal is the splurge for the week/month/whatever.
You really don't know where someone has been or where they are at unless you know them personally and know details about their own struggle.
I don't even think this way, personally, as someone who has lost a lot of weight...much less say anything out loud. Rude!
Now, if this is someone that I KNOW who has been asking me for weight loss advice, or talking along the lines of "No matter what I do, I can't lose weight, it's my metabolism", I might have a passing thought of "Well, that's not going to help". But I usually try to override that thought with the reality that, honestly, it's none of my business, and I have no idea what that person's motivation is no matter how well I know him/her, and regardless, I would never say anything out loud.
When I see overweight people eating poorly I always think, - I can't believe I used to eat like that! - it's not so much a judgement of them, but it looks so disgusting, and I really can't believe I used to put that stuff (and A LOT of it) in my mouth without a second thought.
Honestly, most of the time, I feel a sense of empathy so strong it's painful, because, wow, do I know what it's like to be there. But it absolutely is not my place to judge. I didn't like people judging me when I was so fat, and not one 'helpful' comment or suggestion ever helped a bit; it only pushed me deeper into shame and self-loathing.
I get irritated with some of the snide comments I've received -- a few people I run into regularly have become actively quite hostile to me -- but, ultimately, I didn't lose all this weight to turn into a nasty jerk, so I let it go.
Wow. I have come a long way and have a long way to go but I would NEVER imagine saying anything hurtful to or about someone. Why would a person feel the need to look at someone else and say if I can they can or should be able to? Especially since you don't know their inner struggle. My philosophy is I have strengths and weakness as do everyone else. Their strength could be my weakness or vice versa, so we come together to eliminate our weakness. If someone asks me what I've done and I tell them and if they want help I give it. If they criticize my method I just say I do what works for me. Someone may find WLS their way and others criticize them saying you took the easy way out and nothing could be farther from the truth. WE all find our way to our destination and in OUR time. How many of us tried and quit and started again. For many people there are several failures before there is success. The person may be on a journey and have a bad day and decide to binge...do we crucify them for their shortcomings? Not realizing we are doing our best and some days are better than others. But understand the struggle of the person before you make a call about their situation.
When I see people overweight - i wonder what it is that has gotten it that way - are they comfort eating, have they been sick and bed ridden.
Maybe just maybe they have lost a stack of weight and are having a day off from their diet.
Maybe it's their own private way of celebrating the birthday of an unborn child they lost many years ago.
I do judge people who don't seem to understand what food is good for you, and what food is bad for you - regardless of their size. You know what I mean. I met a middle aged GP who had recently lost weight - and she said she got fat because she didn't realise that potato crisps were mostly fat, and she was having a bag a night. I mean she was a doctor and she didn't even monitor the food that she was consuming. I still judge her - I just can't help myself.
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I have to agree 100% with you. I was on the WW site, and they are some of the rudest, judgmental people around.
I'm sorry, but I don't need to be judged, I need help. When I ask for help, don't tell me that I'm a bad person, that I did it to myself... Really? Don't you think I know that already?
I have to admit, as I lose more and more weight, I become less and less tolerant of those heavier than me. I know, I KNOW! It's horrible. I try very hard to be sympathetic but it's hard. If they want to be that way, it's one story, but if they complain to me about being overweight I can't offer much sympathy. Don't get confused though, I always offer kind, caring advice and don't make mean comments to them or the likes.
And you know why? Because chances are, just like me, they did it to themselves. And chances are, just like me, they can't motivate themselves to do what's necessary to lose weight.
But you know what? Eventually I stopped feeling sorry for myself and made a change, that's the only way to ensure happiness. If people can't do this themselves, yet they want to lose the weight, I just can't feel badly for them. I'm not saying it's been an easy journey, it hasn't been, at all, but at a certain point you have to take control, your life is in your hands.
Now that I'm not the heaviest person in the room when I look around I do comment on other people's weight [mostly internally]. I can't help it, my weight is a huge focus factor in my life right now, so other people come under my critical eye. I notice the things they are doing that contributes to their weight, and I do comment on them [internally or occasionally to someone I'm with]. I know how horrible this is.
It's so sad that I actually caught myself saying the other day "I understand why people dislike overweight people so much."
At the end of the day, I'm not mean about it other people, I wish I could not feel the way I do, but I think it has everything to do with the fact that I hated myself when I was as large as I was and sometimes that gets projected on to undeserving people.
In reading this post I think back to 2 1/2 years ago, I was at my highest weight of 239lbs. My mom who had been nearly 300lbs all of my life had chosen to have gastric bypass surgery. She had lost over 100lbs and I was proud of her for her successes. She suddenly had found a love for life that I had never seen before. She decided that riding a motorcycle would be fun and I have a passion myself for it so I had all the right gear and loaned mine to her since I had gained so much weight that it didn't fit at the time anyways it was unusable for me. When I asked for it back while at her house for a party she told me in front of a large group of people, "why can't I keep it, I will be able to wear it, it's going to be a long time before you can get back into it." I was mortified that in front of everyone she had basically called me out for being to fat. She also made several attempts at family events to insist my sister and I were way to overweight and she wanted us to lose weight. First let me explain I understand worrying about your children and their health. I have children of my own and worry daily that my poor choices have rubbed off on them but I would never make a point to embarrass them in public. It took me quite a while to forgive my mom for these little nudges she would give us especially when I thought back to my childhood and how obese she has always been. I never thought of my mom as anything but my mom. I never mentioned her weight, never suggested she should lose any or anything like that. When I looked at my mom all I ever saw was this amazingly supportive and loving mom. How did her losing weight all of a sudden change her so drastically?
Unfortunately for my mom, the weight loss came to an end and now she is back to being significantly overweight again. It is very sad but her choices did not become a lifestyle change to live this way forever. She has begun doing things a person that has had the gastric bypass surgery should no longer do and she also has quit exercising and eating properly. I feel bad for her but I also think she has lost control of her habits again.
I try not to be judgmental at all because I remember how it felt to be the person on the other end of it. My journey is still in process and I hope to someday be at goal but I also keep very fresh in my mind that I can easily slide of my path as I did this summer so maybe that heavier person has fallen off the path or maybe they haven't started on their journey yet but the best thing I can do as another human being is show them compassion because I do know what it feels like to be them!
Sorry this was so long!!
And I definitely have resentment towards my former fat self. Part of how I beat her up is by the way I talk to myself, but it also comes out when I make snarky comments about someone else. I’ve definitely made comments about what other people are eating and I shouldn’t, ever. But I see that person sitting down and stuffing their face…I see their stomach spilling over their jeans…and I see myself. And what I could easily be again if I just stopped trying for a while. The self that I hated, the body that I loathed. It all gets very mixed up together.
Oh, gosh, thank you for this! I didn't have words to express this, but this is exactly how I feel most of the time.
I would NEVER make comments about someone, but I have to admit I've been guilty of looking and judging internally (then yelling at myself for being catty). But now I know why I'm doing it - I am so angry with myself for wasting so much time. I am also afraid that that will be me again one day, if I ever slack off.
I think, for me, it's not the person I'm looking at that I'm judging, it's me.
I never liked fast food and don't understand the draw but there have been people here who have said they have included fast food in their diet. If I saw an obese person eating a high calorie meal such as fast food, I don't think I could make any assumptions about where they are in their life. Perhaps they include a 'splurge' meal in their eating plan and eating the fast food meal is the splurge for the week/month/whatever. 
