Ok, so basically I've never had like a serious boyfriend. In the past I couldn't even TALK to guys-not even as friends. I was super self-concious of my body and my appearance. Only recently (talking like 2 years here) have I been able to make friends with guys. I actually currently only have male friends (long story that involves backstabbing and bad friends, so no real girl friends).
So basically, there was this guy who liked me. I KNOW he did. And while I flirted back, I think I gave super mixed signals. And then he gave me his number-and I didn't give him mine. And he was like well call if you wanna go out and have fun-but I didn't call because I was busy that weekend with work. And now he's like backed off. We still talk and flirt, but he's like that with a lot of his friends. Soo...basically I think I slipped into the friend zone.
My question is this...how do I stop falling into the friend zone? How do I make it clear to the guy when he's showing an interest that I'm interested back? I'm just so paranoid about putting myself out there (especially bc we have a class together that i have to see him in). I'm really scared of rejection...it's just so very frustrating.
Any advice would be appreciated! Though I know some/most of it will be to have more confidence, this isn't really helpful as confidence is something I struggle with and I can't just MAKE myself confident, ya know?
confidence comes with experience usually. as you "practice" with more guys, you get more confident. guys have insecurities too, and are afraid of falling into the friend zone. that guy probably thought you weren't interested when you didn't call or give him your number. I'm sure you could still call him if you wanted to.
if you start off slow, sort of feeling out a situation, and not think of it in terms of rejection, but what might happen, maybe that would dampen the fears a little. I mean, if you get rejected early on, or reject someone early on, it's a two way street, it may be ego hurting, but it's not earth shattering.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
just a suggestion, you might want to talk to your guy friends about this. they know you better and might be able to give you more helpful feedback.
lastly, very cute pic, I'm sure you'll be breaking a few hearts.
I'm 40 years old and have been in many long term relationships. My biggest advice would be not to be afraid of getting hurt. Chances are, you ARE going to get hurt and it's going to be terrible. I've cried until I thought I might pass out or puke. You know what? I got over it. Love is so wonderful, it's always worth the chance of heartbreak.
All those cliches "you gotta kiss a lot of frogs" etc etc are cliches for a reason - there's a little bit of truth in them.
I think you answered your own question in your post. The guy gave you his number (think how brave he was! He put himself WAY out there) and you didn't call. It's probably not too late, call him and ask him to some low key thing. If you are friends, ask him to a movie or for coffee.
Look at his eyes a lot, hold eye contact, touch his hand while you're talking - give him the signals that say "I want to move out of the friend zone." This guy might be a little gunshy - he already put himself out there once and you blew him off, so it might take a little MORE effort on your part for him to try again. There are definitely lots of ways to show guys you are interested, but holding eye contact is a biggie.
I am always a big fan of truth. You might say "hey, I'm sorry I didn't call you on X weekend, I was busy with Y. Can we try again?"
Ladies thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it! I feel weird asking my guy friends for advice...they're the type who would think it was funny to make me squirm whenever I was around the guy. It's best to keep them in the dark I think . Lol.
Dragon: thank you so much! I wish that were the case but I think my akwardness usually prevents the heart breaking on my end lol.
I'm gonna give the eye contact a whirl (physical touching MAY be outside my comfort zone right now). Shouldn't be that hard cause he has really nice blue eyes .
Hey Rach, I've never had a serious bf but I do know that I found a man who I will love 4ever. It's a gift and a curse, lol. He is handsome, face and name of an angel but the soul of a whore, lol! I am sooooo dramatic. His name is Michael.
Did he give you his cell phone number? If so, then you can text him -- he'll have your number, but I always, always have chickend out and texted a guy instead of calling
For me, it's waaaay easier to text -- you can totally formulate what you want to say before you send it, and then as you get more comfortable texting, it can evolve into calling.
Think about it. What's the worst that can happen? He can say he's not interested. Totally not the end of the world. Call the guy up, say "Hey, I really would like to not be just friends with you, is it too late to ask you out?" Chances are he'd jump on it, because men are typically straightforward creatures, and if you are open and honest with him, it's going to be a welcome change from the "norm."
Sooo, I kind of tried the direct approach and told him he should come hang out with me while I was working . He did and then he walked me home and then gave me a hug. Lol. Made my day-sad but true.
I'm going to text so he has my number. I don't know why I didn't think of that! I hate the phone anyways...I'm always akward on it no matter what. So texting is perfect! Now I just have to figure out what to text. Hmm.
ooh this all sounds very promising! You sound a lot like me with guys- i am pretty nervous myself. But you are getting some good advice! One of the best pieces i ever got was- touch his arm! It is not super-out-there if you are feeling uncomfortable with wearing your heart on your sleeve but still sends a signal i think :-)
I always found it easier to be direct on text message too. If I asked a guy out on the phone or in person, my voice was shaky or I was goofy. On text, you can plan out what you want to say...I love technology!
The truth is that men are attracted to women with self-confidence. I've never been the prettiest girl in the room (heck I've always been the overweight girl), but I have always had attention from men. I definitely have the self-confidence to draw people to me. I have friends that haven't dated or been asked out in years and I'm married and STILL get asked out.
If you don't have it, fake it. Fake it fake it fake until it sticks. Smile, don't talk too much, don't reveal too personal things, and ask questions about him. A first date is not the time to tell someone about how you are on anti-depressants or that you're angry with your father about leaving your mom (just examples).
It's funny how girls are clueless sometimes: Why would a guy show up to where you WORK to see you if he wasn't interested in you? You've got this in the bag, just play your cards right. Send him a text telling him thanks for stopping by, and that's it. He'll have your number - you don't need to ask him out. Just saying thanks puts the ball in his court.... remember, you always want the ball to be in his court.
Another piece of advice that I have that may just seem silly to people is to buy the book "The Rules." I know I know it makes people roll their eyes but trust me, the overall philosophy in this book works. I'm not saying follow it word for word. There are some very useful tips especially in the beginning. Read it and then write a book report about it just for yourself to make sure you're getting the real idea behind it rather than following the advice blindly. The women who get this idea are the women you see that have guys flocking to them. On the contrary, I have many friends who scoff at this advice saying that this book is anti-feminist and promotes old fashioned ideas and think it's plain old stupid... I am not exaggerating when I say that every single woman I know who has said this to me is alone without a date on the horizon. Consider it.
Advice Needed re:Guys
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