[kaplods]

If you decide that you would have wanted to throw her a party, if she hadn't asked for it so inappropriately (because of the things she has done to help you out when you needed it), I would try to forgive the crappy way she asked - and throw her a party, but throw her the party YOU are able to throw for her.

Tell her that you will be planning the party, and that it's all a "big surprise" that no, she can't help plan her own party. Assure her it will be "great" and she will love it - and then plan a wonderful party, but one you can afford.

My husband and I spent less than $5000 on our wedding, and none of the guests suspected. In fact, we were complimented profusely on the "expense" we went to on our catered meal because we had "splurged" on appetizers before the buffet, a gorgeous large (Walmart) cake, and a beautiful bread table. We saved 2/3 of the normal catering budget (no we didn't hire health department rejects), but we lived in a relatively large city and we used the small town caterer that my sister had used (so we knew their food was awesome). There were able and willing to make the commute and we spent less than $1200 to feed 110 people. And the catering was our largest expense. My mom made the flower arrangements, we made all of the centerpiece decorations. We used the Knights of Columbus Hall and got a discount because my dad was a member.


There are tons of great books on wedding and party planning on a budget. Check them out from the library and get some inspiration. You can be creative and give her a party that will seem as extravagent or mo so than her friends, simply by being your own party planner.

Your brother in law may not have a job, but he can definitely participate in the planning, and the work involved in cutting corners with the budget ,especially if you're going to be creative. Creativity and customization impress guests more than money, so start thinking what would be special and might even be costly if you didn't do it yourself. Is BIL handy with computer software? He can start gathering family photos of the couple throughout their marriage, with their children growing up... and scan them to create a slide show, or create a large poster, or even just a photo album to display at the party.

There's no reason you can't organize a beautiful party that will impress the heck out of MIL on a shoestring.

You can be offended that she didn't ask nicely, and you can even refuse to do it, but if they've helped you out a lot, and just in the name of family politics, it's not a terrible thing to do for peace in the family. And who says you have to spend the exact amount on your parents - is it going to be their 30th anniversary too. If you don't throw your MIL a party for her 30th anniversary and your parents would like one, are you going to refuse to help host it because you didn't do it for MIL's 30th?

Family politics can be difficult, but to quote a comedian my husband is fond of "you can be right, or you can be happy," but you might not be able to be both.

[angelanicole23]

oh god...my ex bf's family and mother were obsessed with money I swear...my ex and his mother...most of his family had poor credit and money management skills..however still loved to live large..going to the spa..celebrating birthdays seriously like it was Xmas...fancy dinners...all of it. This caused SO many issues in my relationship with my ex...because my family didn't base things on how much $$ we had and being so freakin extravagant with gifts. Anyways...I feel your pain my dear!

If I were you I'd make it quite clear to her that you have NO issues with helping with the arrangements but financially you are in no position to pay for it...especially if it is just you and your husband paying. I cannot believe she would demand that you do this.

Secondly it's none of her concern about your vacation and that is something you and your husband have been saving for..DO NOT use your vacation money on something like being manipulated into paying for this whole anniversary shindig. If she finds out tell her that it is something you both had planned and it is a gift to yourselves.

Wishing you lots of luck!

[JuliaDH]

My sentiments exactly! Kaplods took the words right out of my mouth! There are tones of online sources also. Especially when it comes to ordering favours etc. And remember to ask for deals if the party will be in "off season". Is there a college or uni close by with a chef school? They may have amazing catering prices. Often they have nice meeting/banquet rooms. If it is going to be during warm weather. You can do outside without a tent rental. Have an area with large tree canopy? Hang twinkle lites or pretty oriental paper lanterns. Hope this helps a little.

[nelie]

I can totally see a party on a budget. My wedding cost around $2k and it was great and people had fun. Most importantly, I loved it. Of course I wouldn't have loved a super expensive wedding but I had a friend who had a $30k wedding a couple months prior and if I had wanted what she had, I couldn't have had it on the budget I set.

My concern is the MIL that wants an anniversary party because her rich relatives had one and she wants 'the whole works'. I couldn't imagine 'the whole works' on a shoestring budget. I've also known people that if you don't live exactly up to their expectations, then they'd be unhappy. I'd hate to see someone spend time/effort/money on a party and then someone be extremely unhappy because it wasn't exactly what she wanted.

[JuliaDH]

Agree with Angela...DO NOT use your vacation $$ for the party! Bottom line is YOUR marriage needs to be cared for too. Vacation is time to nurture your marriage. Its like after having kids all the advise it to remember to keep your spouse a top priority even when it is inconvineint. You can also give her choices. Would she rather wine/champange for toasts ONLY (the bar should be cash) or would she rather an elaborate dessert trolly? Knowing what is important to her will give you more insight on where you can cut corners. But remind her if you are the only one paying that she will not be able to have it all. And that you wish that you would be able to give ALL of it to her but unfortunately in this economy it is unrealistic. You could also have an elegant tea (british high tea)! Afternoon receptions are nice, maybe you have a conservatory nearby that would be nice.

[BillBlueEyes]

You've gotten great advice. I agree with the previous posters:

1) $600 is much too little to satisfy someone who wants the whole thing.
2) Tight times do not call for dishing out money that you may need.

So, I recommend offering a drop by tea and cake (no gifts please), hosted at one of your houses. Let her accept that or reject it. But you'll have put a realistic offer on the table that meets the requirements to celebrate 30 years.

Good luck in a sticky situation.

[EZMONEY]

My fil passed away about 9 years ago but my mil wanted a party in Las Vegas this past year for her 75th birthday...she demanded that her 3 daughters and son and us spouses all go...demanded!

But then she paid for all of it and I mean ALL of it....rooms - transportation - her birthday dinner. We all met....she gave us our room keys, said "see ya later at dinner" and split to be with her "machines/tables". I love my MIL

How about you tell your MIL what you can afford to do within reason, then "work" wioth her on what she really wants and convince her she needs to pay for the EXTRA!

My brothers and sister and I...mostly I!....bought my mom and dad a '74 Harley Davidson Hog for their 25th wedding anniversary....but that was in 1978....when they used to run around $2,500 brand new!