Everytime I walk in to the bridal shop where my dress is, I'm under seige with "hons" from the 19 year old, blonde, snarky associates.
It's all in the tone. And if you are 19, tan and blonde (no offense to tan and blonde people) and wearing any form of glitter, do not ever call me hon.
CONGRATULATIONS to him! My God-daughter was on the Boxer, her dad, my best friend, and my son's best friend were both on the Nimitz.
Ahh..the Nimitz should be coming home soon. Dh is on the Stennis..he's crossed the equator twice already. He got his sparrows after the first deployment though.
On the subject of messed up names...My maiden name is Rivera. And the way its actually pronouced is Rivera But of course, people dont say it that way, lol. And my married name is so cute and pretty, people mess it up ALL the time. Its Olea..but they say Olee, Ole (lol). Its pronounced Olaya.
Heh, all of you anti "ma'am-ers" must not be from the south - ma'am as a courtesy was DRILLED into me by my parents. I still do it (much more frequently when I go home to Texas to visit). From a southerner's perspective, it is not always just a nod to age (although it CAN be - you would ALWAYS ma'am/sir someone elderly), it's mainly a sign of courtesy. A southerner would use it to a checkout person or a waitress or a teacher as a sign of courteous respect. It is definitely not meant to be a "wow, you're OLD," more like a "I appreciate your assistance."
Just remember - if the person has a southern accent, it's likely they simply can not help themselves and definitely are trying to be POLITE. Also, military folk (as mentioned above) will use it like breathing, it really WAS drilled into them, they aren't trying to be rude, they are trying to be unfailingly polite.
i'm very guilty of the "hun", "hunny", or "dear" at work. i often times forget my patient's names, and it just turns into that. only 1 or 2 people ever said they didnt like it, and i hardly even notice that i do it. i try to pay attention to it, but every now and then - it goes right back.
I still have one toddler...and for the longest time when she was first born the only thing I could call her was schtinky...lol I still do it occasionally but I try not to being she is older and I dont want her to have a complex about stinking..lol
I call her BOOPS too, but I am trying to find a better "pet" name for her. She has a formal name and it is kinda long, so we are trying to find an acceptable (long term) nickname for her. My oldest daughter calls the youngest "L.Z." Her name is Elizabeth...my son just calls her by name....
We dont want to use:
Lizzy
Beth
Betsy
Liz
Lizza
Lilbit as a pet name, what about Bess as a nickname? I always loved Bess.
Heh, all of you anti "ma'am-ers" must not be from the south - ma'am as a courtesy was DRILLED into me by my parents. I still do it (much more frequently when I go home to Texas to visit). From a southerner's perspective, it is not always just a nod to age (although it CAN be - you would ALWAYS ma'am/sir someone elderly), it's mainly a sign of courtesy. A southerner would use it to a checkout person or a waitress or a teacher as a sign of courteous respect. It is definitely not meant to be a "wow, you're OLD," more like a "I appreciate your assistance."
Just remember - if the person has a southern accent, it's likely they simply can not help themselves and definitely are trying to be POLITE. Also, military folk (as mentioned above) will use it like breathing, it really WAS drilled into them, they aren't trying to be rude, they are trying to be unfailingly polite.
Hear hear!! If you don't ma'am/sir your elders around here, it's a sure sign that you never "had any raising". Why it would be offensive to anyone is something I truly don't understand. I will continue to say it and will continue to press my children to say it, if they forget. They are 16 and 14 and it would be rare that they would be speaking to anyone close to my age or older without saying it.
As Glory says it is used with others, those closer to our own age, as a courtesy. I can't think of any circumstance where anyone I know would say it to others here to be snarky or rude. If you want to be considered snarky or rude, then DON'T say it. That will do the trick.
My step-d is LARA...like do re mi fa so la...you know...Dr. Zhivago...well it has been pronounced LAR~A as in Larry...Laura...both ways for obvious reasons.
My son Ryan has been called Brian many times for again, obvious reasons.
It's all in the tone. And if you are 19, tan and blonde (no offense to tan and blonde people) and wearing any form of glitter, do not ever call me hon.
This made me smile! The glitter part is priceless! If I don't know a persons name or need to address a stranger, men are Sir and women are Miss/Ms. I find Miss/Ms. less offensive b/c I don't know the womans age and oh boy if I say Ma'am I've been d*mn near killed with looks! I've been heard saying "hey guy" to get someones attention, like if they left groceries behind or dropped something... It just gets them to look/stop quicker. Never been told it offended them...
At work, I call inmates "Mr. *last name*" or "Mrs/Ms./Miss *last name*" sometimes by the last name only and if transmitting over the radio I use "inmate *last name*" to follow "policy"
Imo, it all depends on who the person is and in what context I'm being called dear. If an older person (i.e. a person of my parents' age or older) calls me honey or dear, I tend to like it and I think they just mean it in a friendly way parental way. If a man around my own age calls me honey... it can either be flattering or gross, depending on who this person is and how I think they're saying it. But if it's not overtly sexual and inappropriate, I usually don't get upset.
But if a woman of around my own age calls me honey or dear... well, in my experience, I have never been called "dear" or such by a girl of my own age without it being LADEN with condescenion and ridiculous female competitiveness. There this one girl, of exaclty my age, that I have had the extreme misfortune to have worked with in the past in a limited way (i.e. she would come to my office on occasion). I don't like her, she, I'm pretty sure, looks down on me for not being the 25lb clothes-obsessed fashion plate she is (and everyone knows you're only a REAL woman if all you know/think about all day is fashion ). So she starts with "honey, can you get me this?" or "Thanks, dear" and "Thank you, sweetie" accompanied by some stupid insincere smile. It makes me wanna punch her. If I were having a problem, and she was comforting me, or if we were friends or even liked each other at all, I'd feel totally different, but I just see it as her way of belittling me. I'm not her equal, I'm a "dear" and a "sweetie" (i.e. a child). She's an a$$.
Edit: I forgot to mention that everytime she calls me sweetie or honey, she says it in the same tone one would use to coo to a new puppy or an infant. What an a$$hole!
But on a forum where everyone is there to support one another, I wouldn't get offended if someone called me 'dear' or whatever.
Last edited by KLK; 05-18-2008 at 03:57 PM.
Reason: Forgot to mention something
Hear hear!! If you don't ma'am/sir your elders around here, it's a sure sign that you never "had any raising". Why it would be offensive to anyone is something I truly don't understand. I will continue to say it and will continue to press my children to say it, if they forget. They are 16 and 14 and it would be rare that they would be speaking to anyone close to my age or older without saying it.
As Glory says it is used with others, those closer to our own age, as a courtesy. I can't think of any circumstance where anyone I know would say it to others here to be snarky or rude. If you want to be considered snarky or rude, then DON'T say it. That will do the trick.
Nothin' rude about "ma'am". I see it the same way. Just a respectful way of talking to someone (and I'm born & raised CT).
I've been called ma'am before, usually by sales people who don't have the pleasure of knowing my name, and at first I was like "wha?" more in a "are they talking to me?" sort of way. But then I realized that if I'm over 18, I'm old enough to be a ma'am. Really, if I'm not okay with being called Ma'am now, then how old am I going to be when I feel it is "okay"?
What was always drilled into our heads was the Mr/Mrs LastName. I would never dare call anyone who was my mother's friend by their FirstName. Just disrespectful.
I remember one situation... I had a friend who lived with her grandmother. She was practically my grandmother we had known eachother so long. She was always "Mrs." always. A neighbor boy moved in who was only a year older than my friend & I. One day he refers to the Mrs. as "Virginia" (her first name) I practically fainted. I can't put it into words... it just felt so dirty & taboo.
CONGRATULATIONS to him! My God-daughter was on the Boxer, her dad, my best friend, and my son's best friend were both on the Nimitz. 
He got his sparrows after the first deployment though.
I will continue to say it and will continue to press my children to say it, if they forget. They are 16 and 14 and it would be rare that they would be speaking to anyone close to my age or older without saying it. 
