I'm kind of a lurker here on this site and I know there have been threads before on this subject but I'm not sure what to do.
My (live-in) boyfriend of 1.5 years has been going out pretty much every night without me, and has been kind of quiet and weird. For a couple of weeks now I thought that something was wrong and he'd been seeing someone else or was just not interested in me anymore. I'm pretty direct, and tonight I just asked him point blank what was going on. He was kind of drunk and he ended up telling me that he's just not attracted to me.
Now, here's the thing. I've lost weight in the past, but I'm the same weight now as I was when he met me. He said that he thinks it's really shallow and that I'm beautiful and perfect in ever other way and that he wants to be with me and he's sorry he said it, etc., but that "I guess it's just important to me. I thought when we met that it wouldn't matter, but it does and sometimes I'm tempted by other people."
I asked him why he even wanted to be with me if he knew this when he met me, and he said that I seemed so motivated to lose weight.
I can't say that I kept my cool, but the crappy thing is that I get where he's coming from in some ways. If you're not attracted to someone you just aren't. On the other hand, I feel so cheated. My eating for the past few months has been pretty stable and I just started a new workout program with my brother that I was feeling pretty good about.
I've lost weight without gaining it back for years and years, but I'm so tempted to just say screw it and do something drastic. I really can't believe how much it hurt to hear him say that, and I know he's been around all of these pretty, thin girls recently (who hit on him constantly, even when I'm there).
I've heard so many stories of people who lost weight the unhealthy way and gain it all back later plus some. I don't want to be 40 or 50 and still struggling with this. I really want to do this the right way.
I've just been working at it for so long now. I feel like it doesn't really matter how hard I've tried. I'm still not good enough, so it's still not worth it. I'm so discouraged
So now what? Even if I lose weight the healthy way and give myself a good talking to daily about doing it for me, there's still a part of me that will be doing it out of spite just to show him. And I really do love him. This is just messing with my head so bad.
Help?