Granted, but they will but insist on sleeping in your bed, and you're stuck sleeping in a twin bed with Yo Gabba Gabba sheets.
I wish my car ran on vegetable oil.

Granted but the local restaraunt that you work at is siphoning it out of your tank to cut costs

I wish my hubby didn't have to work till 12am tonight.

Granted... but since he was rushing to get home to you he got a speeding ticket, and then you fought about it when he got home.

I wish my husband would stop going bald.

Granted, but his body hair grows so much that it looks like he's wearing a sweater at the beach.
I wish candy bars grew on trees.

Granted... but when you went to go pick some one fell from the tree, hit you right in the temple and you croaked.

I wish I was a genius.

granted but you are a genius in the feild of weed pollination and you use your yard as your testing spots

I wish that my basement was remodeled

Granted, but you are driven insane realizing how corrupt the world is.

I wish I would just work out already!

wagfam- granted, your basement was remodeled to look like a dungeon
sarrawrnaomi- granted, but you pulled a muscle

I wish I had a more interesting job

Granted - you are now a secret agent and travel all over the world, but you can never make any connections with anyone because you will put their life in danger so you are doomed to roam alone...

I wish I could wake up tomorrow at my goal weight.

Granted - you wake up tomorrow at your goal weight, but all of the scales in the world have mysteriously ran out of batteries!

I wish for a raise at work.

Granted, your office is now on the 45th floor and all the elevators are broken

I wish I could have the ability to teleport to anywhere in the world.

Granted... you teleported to a desert and couldn't teleport out.

I wish I was a good cook.

Granted, but then you eat everything you make and ruin your excellent progress.

I wish butter had negative calories.

Granted, but it has 200 grams of fat per serving.

I wish my boobs would go back to C cups, haha.

Granted but now they are on your back :(

I wish money would really grow on trees