[ncuneo]

I have a few friends that I don't see too often and everytime I see them, they've gained and I've lost. I feel so bad because I know what they're going through and I know how hard it is. I also know how hard it is to have someone you know losing when you can't. And of course I know how awful it feels to see people you haven't seen in a while when you've gained.

And then there's my mom who's your definition of a yo yo dieter and at her highest yet again. Who basically is just waiting for me to regain because she always does. But what she doesn't know (although I've told her) is that I plan to maintain my weight the same way I lost it. She never had a maintenance plan and has always done fad diets to lose. So I feel guilty because I KNOW I can maintain this weight and I WILL achieve what she never could.

I know other peopled issues are not my own, but it's hard sometimes not to feel a little guilt...

[SilverLife]

I think it's great you have so much compassion for so many people.

I don't feel guilty, because I know we make our own choices. Guilt is to be at fault. Person A is not at fault because Person B continues to prefer making unhealthy choices.

Women are socialized to take care of others, help them, rescue them, etc. People only stop hurting themselves when they are ready to.

When others are interested, I can offer something about what has helped me. If they aren't interested, I just try to love them and see them as God's children, knowing they have the right to work out their own health.

We are not accountable for the choices others make.

I really like the Serenity Prayer because of this. I'm working, some times better than others, on being a better example of changing what I can, in myself. I think that truth actually works on the principle of attraction, not promotion or helping when it isn't requested, etc.

When I remember to think about each person being in God's care, and that I am not personally responsible for anyone else's choices, it helps me. I know it's easy to slide in to taking care of things, or worrying about things, that really aren't ours.

I often think, what if we really did see others as God sees them? They might see themselves whole, healthy and free.

I'm working on it anyway.

Hope this helps a little.

Sending you the best thoughts I can and

[ainsleymom]

I feel this way about my sister and my mom. My sister has always been thin, and the last several years has been thinner than me, but recently (since getting serious with her boyfriend) has put on about 15 pounds. She's getting married next spring, and she doesn't seem to be getting serious about losing the weight. I know it's none of my business, but I don't want her to not regret losng weight when she sees the pictures.

My mom is a picky eater with terrible eating habits. Her idea of healthy eating is to drink the syrup from canned fruit (because that's where all the vitamins are ). Whenever she sees me she asks if I'm on some sort of diet pills because she can't figure out how someone would lose weight healthfully.

I know I can only take care of myself, but I love them and I care. I can only show them a healthy lifestyle by example I guess.

[SilverLife]

Ainsleymom, there are those in my family with unfathomable eating habits, too.

It makes your victories in losing weight all the more special, when there aren't healthy eaters in the family.

I drink the water/"juice" left over from cooking green vegetables. Perhaps your mother got something confused along the way.

I don't feel guilty. People know that I've gone up and down with my weight, and when I do lose the weight, I'm the huge motivation that my friends need to lose the weight as well.

Plus you chose to be healthier..it's your life. They'll realize it eventually that they need to be healthier and you'll be there for them!