Since I started incorporating regular exercise into my life, there are certain naysayers I've come across from friends to family members. They say things like, "why bother with all that exercise when you're thin to begin with?" Or "why not just eat what you want and who cares?" Or "when did you become so vain?"
I find it so hard to surround myself with people who are into health and fitness. Some of them have even come right out and said that I'm 'borderline obsessed'. Can you imagine?
It's soooo frustrating because it's taken me forever and a day to get here and no one is going to throw me off-track. It perplexes me as to why people feel the need to try to tear you down instead of supporting you.
Anyone else find they have trouble fitting in since adopting a healthier lifestyle?
It's really tough when people around us can't give us the kind of support we need, but that's why I find places like 3FC so valuable. We all know that we're aiming for healthier. And just because a person is thin does not necessarily mean they are the fittest person on Earth.
What's wrong with them wanting to exercise a little more and feel healthier? What's wrong with them wanting to prevent extra weight from being packed on by watching what they eat?
People don't always like when others around them, especially someone thinner than they are, starts talking about wanting to exercise or get healthier... the wheels start turning in their heads... as if they're suddenly forced to see their own flaws or lack of healthy eating habits or lack of exercise. You're not doing anything to them, but by comparison (in their own heads!) you're making them look bad for not doing as much!
I just don't like to discuss my dieting with anyone in my area. They can get too nosey and irritating.
And if they comment on my weight loss, I just tell them I lost 10 pounds last year, and maybe I'll start another diet and try to lose another 10 this year.
Then I ask them if they plan on losing any weight. They generally change the subject right away. LOL
I noticed this last time I got healthy and thin. Most of my family is overweight or obese. My sister and I are the only two that are (or rather were for me) small. I went from 165 to 125 and my family freaked. I did it healthily but they would make comments under their breath when I skipped the bun on the burgers at family bbq's or when I ate the healthy salad I brought rather than my grandmother's tater salad. It became too much. Finally, I was getting more negative than positive and I just gave up. I ate what I wanted and let my gym membership go. I gained up to 140 and maintained for over a year and then the pounds piled on. Add a pregnancy with bed rest and here I am looking at around 200 and I'm wondering why I EVER listened to anyone but me.
I told my husband about this and he remembers not giving me any positive feedback. He said he didn't want to mention how thin and good I looked because people were giving me a hard time about it. He swears this time will be different and is already complimenting me.
You have to do it for yourself. Maintain it for yourself. In the end, you are the one that has to lug your body around, it might as well be light and you might as well be strong.
Good for you for making the efforts to adopt a healthier lifestyle!
I have come across people before who haven't been supportive of my making healthier eating choices and it is tough. I guess for me, I have tried to just know that what I was doing in my heart was right. That can sometimes not feel like enough though when other people aren't being supportive.
I hate to say it, but some people tear others down because they feel low about themselves.
This happens to me all the time and not just with weight loss.
When I enrolled in school again to get my masters degree, I had mixed responses. So many people were suportive, others acted like was some sort of "over achiever."
I have always been an all A student... people told me I was obsessed and "nerdy" or "lame." Why? Because I have good grades and it earned me a scholarship?
Weight loss also earns me mixed responses. Some people treat me like I'm an idiot that I need to just live. "Eat right, excercise daily, die anyway" mentality. I tell them it's not just to be healthy, but to feel healthy. I feel so much better when I eat right and work out. My body can go further and I enjoy things more. I'm also less depressed. AND I want to look good. So what?
You need to look to yourself. It's what you want, not what THEY want. This website is so important because other people can find support here when they can't find it at home.
That's so true, kurisitaru: I was so excited when I finally bought a bikini a few weeks ago to wear on my vacation soon and the few family members I told got nasty with me and acted like I was throwing it in their face. I wasn't but for a gal who's almost 40 (this November!) and gave birth twice, it was such a huge accomplishment for me to wear something like that again. It had been seriously close to 10 years since I'd worn one. The worst part is that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be so incredibly happy for them. Maybe I'm expecting too much from people. It just...sucks, lol.
It is annoying when people don't seem to understand. I started exercising again in February and originally my family were supportive but now when I try and make healthier eating choices my dad gets annoyed at me and calls me fussy.
Now that I'm getting my bike fixed up so I can ride it to work they've started to say that maybe it's too much. It will only take about 45mins/1 hour to cycle, that's not bad.
I think part of it is wishing they could have the motivation. I think in the case of my mum it's genuine concern that I will get run over. Sometimes I think it's just better to ignore them, as long as you're happy and healthy, you always have the people at 3FC to talk to, maybe try not talking about it to your family and friends.
Not to be a downer here, but you are on the very low end of the healthy BMI scale right now, at 117 pounds and 5'6". If you reach your goal weight of 112, you will have a BMI of 18.1, which is considered unhealthy. The people commenting on your dedication probably aren't expressing it in the best way, but they may be worried -- legitimately -- that you are pushing too far into the other end of being unhealthy (with overweight/obese on one end of the spectrum and underweight on the other). What does your doctor think?
How exactly does the conversation come up? How do you word it when you tell them you're trying to get healthier?
If I had a friend who was a thin as you I'd have two very different reactions if she said:
a.) I'm trying to lose some weight because I feel fat.
b.) I'm exercising and eating healthier because it gives me more energy, helps to tone my body, and I'm enjoying it too.
If my friend said a.) I'd be worried that she could possibly have an eating disorder and/or a body dysmorphic disorder. In that case I would probably *gently* try to talk to her more about it and understand her motivations/what sort of eating/exercise plan she was on to see if that was the case or not.
If my friend said b.) I would encourage her and might even suggest we work out together. No matter your size it's good to avoid junk food and exercise so that should be encouraged (and, honestly, I have some THIN friends who could really stand to start exercising and taking care of their bodies better because they can't get tired very easily).
I say that all because I wonder if it's how you're coming off to your family/friends? I don't know you at all to know how you word these things but I do know I'd have a very different reaction depending on how it was phrased and also knowing the person (even if they seemed to be a leveled headed person interested in fitness vs. someone who see obsessive about fitting in and looking perfect). Granted, there are definitely people out there who think anywhere into the healthy range of BMI is "too thin" and that's another problem all together...
Not to be a downer here, but you are on the very low end of the healthy BMI scale right now, at 117 pounds and 5'6". If you reach your goal weight of 112, you will have a BMI of 18.1, which is considered unhealthy. The people commenting on your dedication probably aren't expressing it in the best way, but they may be worried -- legitimately -- that you are pushing too far into the other end of being unhealthy (with overweight/obese on one end of the spectrum and underweight on the other). What does your doctor think?
My doctor thinks I'm perfectly healthy, thanks for asking. He recently ran a bunch of tests and told me I'm as fit as a 20 year old (his words not mine). I also must note that I wrote on my stats either 112 or 15% body fat. My doctor said you can't really go by BMI but rather body fat. My body fat percentage is currently at 18.2% which is on the higher end of athletic. Even if I get to 15%, it's still considered athletic. I eat tons of food, just in the right portions, lol. My face doesn't look gaunt nor do my hipbones, ribs or collarbone stick out. To put it in perspective, I weigh as much as Jillian Michaels from 'Biggest Loser' and she looks fit and healthy. I think everyone's different. I've seen women taller than me and weighing like 10 lbs. less and they look fine.
How exactly does the conversation come up? How do you word it when you tell them you're trying to get healthier?
If I had a friend who was a thin as you I'd have two very different reactions if she said:
a.) I'm trying to lose some weight because I feel fat.
b.) I'm exercising and eating healthier because it gives me more energy, helps to tone my body, and I'm enjoying it too.
If my friend said a.) I'd be worried that she could possibly have an eating disorder and/or a body dysmorphic disorder. In that case I would probably *gently* try to talk to her more about it and understand her motivations/what sort of eating/exercise plan she was on to see if that was the case or not.
If my friend said b.) I would encourage her and might even suggest we work out together. No matter your size it's good to avoid junk food and exercise so that should be encouraged (and, honestly, I have some THIN friends who could really stand to start exercising and taking care of their bodies better because they can't get tired very easily).
I say that all because I wonder if it's how you're coming off to your family/friends? I don't know you at all to know how you word these things but I do know I'd have a very different reaction depending on how it was phrased and also knowing the person (even if they seemed to be a leveled headed person interested in fitness vs. someone who see obsessive about fitting in and looking perfect). Granted, there are definitely people out there who think anywhere into the healthy range of BMI is "too thin" and that's another problem all together...
It's definitely letter B, lol. It's like I remind them of their shortcomings in some way. It's just easier to eat junk and complain about your muffin top - I know b/c I've been there for many years. But now that I'm making a real concerted effort for the first time ever (which was fueled by losing my beloved mom from cancer), they throw a wet blanket on all the progress I've made.
Oh, I don't know. Whoa is me, I guess. *shrugs* It's times like these that I really, really, really miss my mom.
To put it in perspective, I weigh as much as Jillian Michaels from 'Biggest Loser' and she looks fit and healthy. I think everyone's different.
Jillian is also 5'2", meaning her BMI is technically 21.4. However she has 13% body fat meaning that most of her weight is from pure muscle. At 5'6" 117 is do-able and can be healthy--especially since it sounds like you're eating extremely healthy--but it's not a realistic weight for many people at that height who don't want to become athletes.
fitmom obviously does want to lead an athletic lifestyle and I think people who are reading her posts are assuming that she is losing weight because she thinks she is fat, which is obviously not the case.
When you are already at a feather-weight the concept of losing more weight can simply be a matter of reaching your goal (provided you don't do anything unhealthy to get there) or obtaining a particular aesthetic (for fitmom it's 15% body fat). Wanting a particular type of aesthetic isn't necessarily a bad thing, if you're already in the habit of taking care of your body, so long as it's obtainable by your body type/shape (for example, no amount of exercise will turn someone from a rectangle shape to an hourglass).
Whether or not it comes across as 'vain' to other people is probably a combination of the type of person fitmom is (how she comes across to others, she might be a 'blunt' person and gets misunderstood by her family), and the fact that she did enact a true lifestyle change in order to get where she's at. Everyone likes to talk about their hobbies and what interests them, even idle chit-chat can revolve around whatever they spend most of their day doing. Plus, if you're proud of your accomplishments in said hobby then that'll probably drive a lot of the desire to talk about it.
i think that because you have come so far and they know that and can obviously see that they are a tiny but jealous that they havent got the willpower them selves.
DONT LISTEN ........at end of day GOOD FOR YOU .......and being healthy is so important and some poeple are just not educated enough or just ignorant to it but it will catch up on them later in life.
So what if your borderline obbsessed least your in control and you didnt get where you are today by being laid back and lazy.
Its not someting you can just stop once you get "thin" maintenance is part of the journey.
Ive just started mine and your an insperation and i have realised there is no quick fix its all about a whole lifestyle revamp. And i mayself already am feeling the pressure will be on soon and i am slowly experiencing negativity from close people. But thats what happens. How ever my partner is very supportive and were doing it together. The way we see it is we want to grow old together and start a family one day and we wana be around long enough to enjoy that. And i know ive became slioghtly boaring i dont go out or drink as much........but u know so what????
Whether or not it comes across as 'vain' to other people is probably a combination of the type of person fitmom is (how she comes across to others, she might be a 'blunt' person and gets misunderstood by her family), and the fact that she did enact a true lifestyle change in order to get where she's at. Everyone likes to talk about their hobbies and what interests them, even idle chit-chat can revolve around whatever they spend most of their day doing. Plus, if you're proud of your accomplishments in said hobby then that'll probably drive a lot of the desire to talk about it.
I'm not sure if this post was directed at my post above? If so the reason I asked fitmom that was to see how she was coming off to her family members. I don't know her at all so it could have been a communication fail that was rubbing them the wrong way (although after her last post that doesn't seem to be the case). Some people might not express their desires to become fit in a language that others can understand and it can send off a red flag (even if there is no reason to be worried) so I just wanted to make her aware of that if that was the case (and like I said, it doesn't sound like it was).
Like I said above, regardless of your weight it's good to lead a fit, healthy lifestyle so I certainly wasn't judging that aspect of it. I also don't see any problem with her trying to cut down her body fat percentage as long as she is doing it through a healthy manner and her doctor is ok with it.
Not fitting in
