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Resentment for Thin Women

View Poll Results: Do you have resentment for thin women?
Yes, I hate them all! 3 2.83%
Yes, some. 22 20.75%
Yes, a little. 26 24.53%
No. 52 49.06%
No, I surround myself with them! 3 2.83%
Voters: 106. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-06-2005, 04:21 PM   #1
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Default Resentment for Thin Women

My hubby showed me how to do a poll since I can't find anything on the web about this. When I joined, I talked about this problem that has bothered me about myself in the Buddy Up section. I've realized the resentment I have for thin women.
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Old 12-06-2005, 04:27 PM   #2
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I don't like mean people or judgemental people...be they thin, large, amputees, models (plus-sized or waifs ), doctors, teachers, librarians, fast-food workers, police officers...you get the picture.

When people who happen to be really thin act in such a way that it makes others feel less-than, it really bothers me and hurts my feelings. It is equally as offensive and damaging when larger women act in these ways.
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Old 12-06-2005, 04:43 PM   #3
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I think sometimes, that there are two kinds of thin people...there are thin people that it's easy for, and thin people that it's hard for. The people for whom it is difficult for, have often lost weight in the past, or know that it is difficult for them to maintain, etc. The ones who it is easier for, be it they just have no appetite, have no life and love working out 3-4 hours a day(no offense to people that work out a lot, but once again, some people put in the effort for it and others just happen to have life circumstances that make it easy) or just have good genes or something. I have never resented ALL the thin people I know, but I think I especially resent those for whom it is easy and who take that for granted. These are the people who have never dieted in their life and very often make comments they try to make sound neutral but are really to poke fun at someone who is trying to watch what they eat, or trying to work out. I've had a lot of thin friends and some have been very supportive. I can be jealous of them without resenting them But yes, some take it too far...I think it is like any quality, it can be a bit frustrating when some people have it much easier than others in all aspects of life. I just try to focus on where I have my advantages, and not worry so much about what is a struggle for me.
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Old 12-06-2005, 05:33 PM   #4
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I used to be jealous of thin women, not resentful. And I also thought -- quite immaturely -- that they were somehow "better" than me.

But those feelings and perceptions were about me and my insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, and decision to buy into the societal perception that somehow "thin is better." It wasn't about them. I realize now how unfair it was of me to judge people based on their weight, and that I was doing to them the very thing that I wished people wouldn't do to me.

"Do unto others," as they say...
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Old 12-06-2005, 06:01 PM   #5
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Resent is a strong word.

I don't resent them, I would like to have the drive they have in keeping themselves slender.
If I see some one who is VERY thin, I kinda feel sorry for them.
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Old 12-06-2005, 06:03 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leenie
Resent is a strong word.
And HATE is even stronger
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Old 12-06-2005, 06:09 PM   #7
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Sorry for spitting hairs here, but I once had a jealousy problem that I went to see a shrink about. I got over it, but he pointed out the definition of jealousy:

1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.

So THAT doesn't apply here.....

2 a. Resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious: jealous of the success of others. b. Inclined to suspect rivalry.

a Seems to apply....

3. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness: jealous thoughts.

Usage of the word...not really applicable.

4. Vigilant in guarding something: We are jealous of our good name.

Don't think that is what we're talking about....

5. Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.

Also not what we're talking about.

Now if we go to Envy to cover definition 2a, we get:
a. A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another

So it looks like number 2 definition is most applicable to this case, which means if you say you are jealous, then you are probably feeling a bit of resentment and calling it jealousy.

This is why I worded the question as resentment in stead of jealousy. Believe me, I'd much rather use the word jealousy myself. I'd feel better about it. But in being honest with myself, it is simple resentment.
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Old 12-06-2005, 06:56 PM   #8
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I'm with Yogini - The only people I don't like are mean people. I choose not to be around people who aren't nice, other than that, I don't care about anything - what they look like, what they wear, how much money they have -none of that matters to me. And particularly people who are mean to those who can't stand up to them - I can't stand that at all!

Pretty much, anybody nice - I love 'em all!
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Old 12-06-2005, 08:48 PM   #9
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I do understand frustration and some jealousy. You need to ask yourself something, though. Once you lose weight, will you resent yourself? No, you'll be happy. So you can't very well resent thin women either at that time. Therefore...since being thin is your own goal, it doesn't make much sense to resent thin people. Something to think about!
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Old 12-06-2005, 09:16 PM   #10
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As a relatively thinnish person who used to be an obese 200+ lbs, I have to wonder where I fit in here. Am I now in the category of those "to be resented" despite the fact that I was once obese? Or am I somehow "okay" because I was once 60+ lbs heavier?

Every person has a story. The thin woman you see tomorrow may have been 300 lbs for most of her adult life and worked her heart and soul out to be fit. Is she to be resented? No, I think we can all agree that she is to be admired, respected, and congratulated. That same woman may have once been 98 lbs, and worked JUST as hard to gain weight and overcome anorexia. Or, maybe that woman you see tomorrow has ALWAYS been thin. Maybe she can eat an entire bag of Cheetos without gaining an ounce and knows nothing about the struggle we face every day. Or maybe, just maybe, she was working out, eating well, and making sacrifice after sacrifice for all the years that I was sitting on my fat behind eating pizza, Pop Tarts, and ice cream.

On your original thread New Here. Hello. someone stated that they tend to not like thin women from the moment they meet them. That not only makes me very sad, but it begs the question: how would we feel if someone wrote I tend to not like FAT women from the moment I meet them? Or, if we saw a poll question asking if we resent fat people and one of the options was "Yes, I hate them all!"

In the end, being thin or being fat is irrelevant. We are all people with our own pain, struggles, and stories. I only wish everyone could be respected as such.
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Old 12-06-2005, 11:07 PM   #11
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Kate's got some common sense spewing from her mouth....
& I agree with every word of it.
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Old 12-06-2005, 11:07 PM   #12
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Kate, I agree 100%. Really, you hit the nail on the head.

I would suggest to those who resent thin people (or are jealous of them - whatever you choose to call it) to look inward. I think at least part of the issue is the we, as overweight individuals, project the feelings we have about ourselves onto others. If we resent all thin women it is often because we ASSUME they believe they are better than us. When, in reality, WE think they are better than us.

I believe I am considered thin at this point but I maintain the perspective of someone who is overweight. It is interesting being able to see things from both sides of the fence. Is there pressure from society to be thin? Yes. But, a whole lot of that pressure comes from the overweight community. I honestly believe that WE put as much, if not more, stock in people's weights as thinner people do.

Do I resent thin people? Absolutely not. Do I envy people who don't struggle with their weights as much as I do? Sure. But I don't hold it against them -despite "definition 2a" suggesting that I must.
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Old 12-07-2005, 08:58 AM   #13
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Like so many of these kinds of conversations.....our response is really a reflection of our issues....and it really is not about the "thin woman"......I admire people who can admit to the unpopular notions surrounding us.......we are all guilty of judgements, predjudice etc......it is the human condition.....good to talk about these things from time to time.

Thanks for your honesty people.

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Old 12-07-2005, 10:41 AM   #14
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Pretty interesting stuff. Kudos to those honestly communicating their jealousies!

I'm in complete agreement that when we display a bias towards anyone, we're betraying our own issues, not those we resent/hate/are jealous of. I've been fat and thin, straight (so I thought) and gay -- but I remain the same good person inside. Others' perceptions of me are just that: THEIRS, and can at times reflect their own baggage.

That said, I do think it's a natural human response and can be very easy to fall victim to a resentment of those who have what you want want. Being heavy just does such a job on your self esteem and feeling of self-worth, it takes a lot of effort to not project those insecurities and unhappiness onto others. We're none of us machines; we're all flawed, human creatures who are works in progress and respond differently to the world around us at different points in our lives! The key, I think, is to acknowledge where the bias is coming from and recognize it for what it is. From that point, you can move on with a more open heart and mind, and become more receptive to whatever that other person has to offer and even teach you.

Every single person on this planet has value and something special to give to those around them. I'm not directing this at anyone participating in this discussion, but I do want to say that, in general, I find it just such a loss when someone allows a personal sadness or fear to cause them to miss out on an opportunity to benefit from the value of another......whatever the source of the "difference" between them.
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Old 12-07-2005, 10:58 AM   #15
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Wow. You know, as I read these responses, I realize that all of us, even me, are at some level of recovery. Of course we would begin, at least, to have some common sense about the issue. I think maybe a more interesting question that I should have asked (now that I'm coming OUT of myself) would be, BEFORE you decided to start recovery, did you feel resentment towards thin women....etc. Maybe there would be some different answers?

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