Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
"Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. But feeling fat? That is F@%CKING HARD! So choose your hard." <3
Thank you Earthling. While it breaks my heart that there are many other children who have gone through, and continue to go through things such as we have...you are right that the experience of being overweight is probably the hardest thing, and it has helped mold me into a kind and caring person also. I am thankful for that. Thanks for reminding me there is a yin to every yang.
I too can relate to the OP with the two sides, you learn early as a child when you aren't thin, you should disappear, and to an extent, you do. But there is a fire that burns inside that says I am important and I have every right to live and beloved just like someone who is thin. Like why should such an arbitrary factor such as weight matter and be a measure of how much value you have as a human being. I can't say that I have fully figured out how to move on perfectly, but someone once told me the best revenge is to live a good life. The part about those people not thinking about what they did to you is so true. I don't get Facebook messages or cards of apology, and probably never will. My Dad still gives me crap about my weight, even when I am thin! Other people really don't matter, you have to love yourself and be happy about your life. There is a percentage of our population that has bought into it's okay to hate on fat people and that's their problem. Most likely, they at going to find themselves fat with that awesome attitutude and good ole karma. You really don't want to look back at your life and realize how much precious time you have dedicated to people who are not worth even one second. Again, the best revenge you can is to live a good life according to what makes you happy and educate the next generation of children to love instead of discriminate.
"I too can relate to the OP with the two sides, you learn early as a child when you aren't thin, you should disappear, and to an extent, you do. But there is a fire that burns inside that says I am important and I have every right to live and beloved just like someone who is thin. Like why should such an arbitrary factor such as weight matter and be a measure of how much value you have as a human being."
AMEN Cec414! You are so right, I don't want to waste another moment thinking about those people! I want to focus on the loving people around me instead. I feel like 3FC has helped greatly to move me away from thinking about them
Le, you are not alone I too was bullied in school, I gained more weight after I was rapped, I was also sexually abused as a child twice, once by a neighbor and once by a family member. I can still remember the taunts that plagued me in high school, I can still remember the things men said. Part of me gained weight so I wouldn't be noticed, I was afraid I was going to be sexually abused again. I am now going to therapy. It is sad that in this world looks mean everything.
Can I just say, that everything you wrote resonated with me? I've had similar experiences (although in my story I replace your dad with my mom).
And... you are a fantastic writer.
Okay... so here's the thing... you can have all of the confidence in the world, but when it comes to being publicly shamed and shunned, confidence doesn't help fight that battle. So I love that you pointed that out in your original post.
How did we get here as a society? How did we get to the point where the outside and aesthetics is way more important than the content of person's character?
What I know is this: Losing weight for yourself is more important than losing weight for anyone else. As someone who has always struggled with being fat, obese, etc. I can honestly say that if you have to lose weight for someone to love you, then that person isn't worth YOUR time and love.
Look at how intelligent you are! You are gorgeous inside and out. F*ck the people who can't see that. They aren't worth it anyway.
ETA: You know what the hardest thing was for me to learn to do? It was hard for me to drop the @ssholes in my life because I was afraid that if I did, I would be alone. I almost felt like I deserved their hatred and criticism. The truth? Once I dropped those toxic people, I learned to appreciate the people who really mattered even more. I wasn't alone and my life was better. I learned to appreciate and love myself. Trust me... it opens your eyes up to a whole new way of thinking and it is quite liberating.
I love the way you write! You hit the nail right on the head! I too have questions like yours. But the important thing is to surround yourself with people who were always there for you through thick And thin pun intended. Helen Keller could see who the jerks are and always were. Just don't let your guard down and when it's time to find mr right you know what to look for. You're gorgeous! Smart! Awesome writer! You've got a lot going on keep on truckin'!
I can relate but I wasn't overweight, just different. I was bullied and picked on relentlessly in grade school and nobody ever did anything to help me. To this day I feel horrid resentment towards those girls and have anger issues. I was binge drinking and smoking pot by 15. Drank heavy until about 32. My self-esteem was very very low, dated a lot of abusive men but finally got a nice guy 5 years ago. Now I am bullied by my employers but I finally gave notice after 4 years of BS. It just seems to never end sometimes.
Tracy- I am so sorry these things happened to you. It seems like many women, myself included, struggle with these issues of preferring not to be seen.
Kelmomto3- "How did we get here as a society? How did we get to the point where the outside and aesthetics is way more important than the content of person's character?"
That's a great question. I don't think I'll ever fully understand it, but I think it's some combination of the free-market and not enough female marketing executives. Haha! Seriously though, I also wonder...what can we do to change it? Is the best we can hope for to become thin and be nice to overweight people? I hope to instill in my kids true compassion and kindness, but I wonder at times if I send mixed messages about the importance of outward appearance. For instance...spending an hour on my hair and makeup every morning while my daughter looks on...If I tell her there is beauty in all people as they are, then proceed to engage in the ritual rearranging of my own physical appearance...what is the take home message for her? I struggle with that. I suppose these issues belong to all women.
Chelle- "The important thing is to surround yourself with people who were always there for you through thick And thin pun intended."...hahaha! Thank you for that. Great reminder. We can change that ole fb meme to...If you can't handle me at my thickest, then you don't deserve me at my thinnest!
novangel- I'm so sorry, It just kills me inside that kids go through crap like you have every. single. day. I also turned to substances when I was younger to evade my reality, and it really set me back. Those were some of my lowest moments. Looking back on it now I feel I truly wanted to die in my early twenties, but I couldn't bear the thought of hurting my mom by taking my own life, so I partook of every toxic combo I could fathom. Of course now I feel like an idiot for not valuing my life more, I'm so happy I made it out of that time...and I'm happy you did too. (congrats on the nice guy and giving notice...boy there are no shortage of frogs out there eh?) Life is too short to associate with *******s, that's for sure!
Once again, LOVE to all you people. Since writing the OP I feel like such a huge (mental) weight has been lifted. I am cautiously optimistic about my recent weight loss, still convincing myself that falling off the wagon for a meal doesn't necessitate letting the wagon then run you over and leave you in the muck. I feel I truly want it now, and I feel like I am kinder to myself in my own mind. (if that makes sense, haha) Your comments have shown me that I am not crazy for carrying a bit if anger, and I am not alone.
I was very, very thin when I was a teenager, and people would mock me calling me "the skeleton".
I was also very taunted by some boys for not having any breasts.
When I had glasses at age 8 that also made some people mock me.
My dad and brother called me "pizza face" all the years I had acne.
And recently I've had a boyfriend make rude comments on my teeth (a bit broken).
Some people also mocked my car for not being fancy enough.
Bottomline is; F**** THEM ALL!!!!!
Now I'm curvy, with (push-up) boobs, teeth almost fixed, clear skin and on my way to making a lot of money (but still have my dowdy car), and they are:
poor;
dead;
fired;
single;
don't know and don't care;
If that's you in the picture, my oh my you are BEAUTIFUL! You have a lovely sweet face, rich dark eyes, and your locks look thick and shiny? You will have these traits forever, fat or not.
Better to be pretty and big than ugly and thin; you can always lose the fat, but not the ugliness :-) :-)
and also, all these mean people were ugly on the inside.
Your hatred of them is a tremendous power for you to get ahead in life.
And once you'll be ahead, which I don't doubt for a second, you will gradually come to terms with all that, and bit by bit shrug it off.
I've been pondering similar issues lately.
I've come to the conclusion that human beings are shallow, fickle, and move on without a second thought, the minute you are of no further use to them.
I've been burned by narcissists lately, but now I think that everyone is one.
My only response is to strive to be the most beautiful, thin, glamorous, young looking, and talented person in the room, and to keep one's heart behind a thick wall of steel...... because people can and will abandon you at a moment's notice.
Buddhist ideas of impermanence are helping me not become too bitter and misanthropic, but it is a hard reality to face, about our species.
I have also been thinking about this, and I don't know that vile behavior deserves forgiveness. What it needs is fight back. That is for all women, fat, thin, and all ways in between who are judged and dismissed. The world has progressed a long way, but we still live in a culture of misogyny. A huge part of that is built into women feeling terrible about themselves. What a fantastic way to oppress people. Keep them busy hating themselves. Also buying things: http://youtu.be/9swKKZy0CCM
So I think the thing to do is confront it if we can and not let men (or other women for that matter) have a free pass. I don't do this all the time - sometimes I have the energy, sometimes I don't. But as much as possible if I am confronted with body hate either way, I try and say something.
So I read your post but I haven't read everyone else's responses so hopefully I'm not just repeating what anyone else has said.
IMHO: The people who caused your hard feelings are not giving you a second thought. They are happily living their life. The only person that your hard feelings are hurting right now is you. It stinks really, we'd all like to think that the people who hurt us have a conscience and are sitting around beating themselves up but they are not. They have no idea how deeply they cut you with their actions. My advice: You are only hurting yourself by hanging on to the anger. Let it go. Physically and mentally let go of the anger. When I've had to forgive someone for majorly being a jerk, it took at while but eventually I realized that they aren't giving me a second thought and that I shouldn't waste any more of my time, energy, or emotions on them. Let it go. I actually have to say it out loud and I have to remind myself again and again when the bad feelings try to sneak back in. Let it go. Embrace peace, love, charity, and happiness. Enjoy your children, teach them to love everyone.
Great post Lecomtes! I enjoyed it and totally relate.
I know that a better social life comes with losing weight, but sometimes, I can't help but to think I don't want to associate with the common thin people, who can't even show the common courtesy of holding a door open for someone who is different (mainly men). It just disgusts me what the average person in our society is, and I want nothing to do with them.
Losing weight will be like losing the automatic 'jerk' detector. It's amazing what you learn about people and society when you've been fat your entire life.
I guess the best we can do is hope to meet the few good people out there. The people who know there are more important things in life then what someone looks like.
