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Feeling overwhelmed and having trouble coping

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Old 06-23-2009, 12:43 PM   #1
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Default Feeling overwhelmed and having trouble coping

I am not sure why I'm posting, other than the fact that I'm going through a really rough time and know that some of the ladies on this board can relate.

My marriage is in jeopardy. I don't want to get into the details, but I'm feeling pretty awful. It's no one's fault. Neither of us did anything wrong, such as be unfaithful or anything, but it's just pretty miserable at our home all the time. My husband and I are going to commit to working on our marriage, but to be honest, I'm not sure if we will make it. Needless to say, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety.

I take WellbutrinSR - 150mg, 1x a day for mild clinical depression. I'm wondering, though, if I actually have clinical depression or situational depression. Either way, I've been taking the Wellbutrin. My mom also gave me her Xanax - 0.5mg. When I'm feeling *really* anxious during the day, I will take 1/2 pill. Or if I'm feeling too anxious to sleep, I will take one whole pill.

I'm finding it pretty hard to focus at work. Usually the Wellbutrin helps with this, but I'm just pretty overwhelmed by my personal life right now. If we do get divorced, I certainly can't afford to be unemployed(!). But I'm finding it hard to keep it together. This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed and it took every ounce of my energy to take a shower and eat breakfast. I hate feeling this way.

I suppose it's good that I don't want to eat, but I'd rather be happy and fat than get skinny feeling like this.

I would like to start working out with my trainer again on July 6th. In fact, I committed to it and now I'm worried that we cannot afford it. I think it's really important for my overall mental health and well-being to get regular exercise. By paying the trainer 2x a week, I can be sure that I will do *at least* that and probably a few other day. I don't know, though. I just know I need to do something to stay sane.

Anyone else go through something similar that cares to share some coping strategies. Oh, I'm meeting with a therapist tomorrow, hoping that (a) it will help to talk about my problems outside rather than bottling them up, and (b) perhaps by working on myself I will be able to save our marriage.
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Old 06-23-2009, 01:05 PM   #2
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I think the little things have power. They can seem so hard to do! That's what I'm struggling with now, and I didn't expect to find myself here this summer.

If I can just keep my home clean and neat it makes a huge difference in being able to cope and keep up with everything else.

I'm sorry for the stress you're under
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Old 06-23-2009, 01:41 PM   #3
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I wouldn't mix medications unless your doctor says it's okay...

It's good you and your husband want to at least try- I think if both of you give it your all you will make it- you were madly in love at one point- it's time to find out what happened and find a resolution and move on.

Good luck.
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Old 06-23-2009, 02:16 PM   #4
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Thanks, guys.

My appetite sucks. I picked up my favorite cookie from Au Bon Pain (English Toffee) at lunch and could only eat half. Who the **** eats 1/2 of a cookie?!

Today, I've had:
1 english muffin
1/2 banana
1 red pepper, sliced
1 FF yogurt with 4 strawberries
1/2 cookie

I have more food packed -- cottage cheese, ground turkey, cauliflower -- but just the thought of eating it makes me gag.

I went through this before and dropped 17lbs in 3 weeks. I *do not* want to lose weight drastically like that because it's not healthy and it never stays off. I suppose I will have to force myself to eat. I'm going to buy some nuts.

I've been married for 8 yrs and have two children. No matter what happens, I do not want to view those years as "wasted" as some people do. My husband and I were in love and made two beautiful children. That can't be a waste of 8 years.

I think I'm just not particularly well suited for marriage. I prefer to be alone most of the time. I don't enjoy living with someone else. I like to read and run and surf the net and listen to music and do word searches. My husband likes to snowmobile, watch loud TV, listen to hard rock, and work. We were so madly in love and had so much passion, but I'm not sure we ever had very much in common. *sigh*
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Old 06-23-2009, 10:03 PM   #5
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It's really hard when you feel like your personality types are incompatible. I got married really young (18) and was married for 16 years. He's a good guy, but we turned out to be pretty incompatible for the same reasons you list--I like my space, like things quiet, enjoy a lot of soliatry activies while he liked to get the kids wild and riled up, blaring TV, etc. We eventually divorced, not just over that but like you say, things just kind of started falling apart and seemed unfixable.

One thing I wish we had tried was making a living arrangement where I could have more personal space. Perhaps if I'd had a little area of the house where I could get away from the constant assault of noise and chaos, things may have worked out, I dunno. Like you, I was depressed for years and tried all kinds of medication. He chided me for that, calling it my "happy pills". Oddly enough, I didn't need them after we divorced. Imagine that.

I wish you the best during this difficult time. Contemplating the end of a marriage is such a hard thing.
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Old 06-24-2009, 01:43 AM   #6
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I am sorry to hear that you have this hard time for you, but I know it's difficult for you to deal it.
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:25 AM   #7
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Thank you for your comments, Windchime. This is a particularly gut-wrenching time because it's the first time we've actually seriously considered the big D.

My husband also calls them my "happy pills." Of course, they don't actually make me happy. I think we both deserve to be happy. I hold out hope that maybe we can be happy again together. But, if we can't, I think we owe it to each other and ourselves to let ourselves be happy without each other.

It would be incredibly egotistical of me to think he could never find a person that could make him happier than I can. He's a good guy, a great father, and deserves to be happy, too.
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:45 AM   #8
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I send many good wishes your way! Sounds like you are taking some good steps to stay positive though- definitely don't give up on the trainer! It will be worth the money and a good way to get rid of some of the negative energy you are feeling. And good luck! You can get through this.
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Old 06-25-2009, 04:21 AM   #9
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You can't successfully work on your marriage until you care for yourself and are in a much healthier place, emotionally speaking. Maybe if you talk it over with your spouse and agree to not try to fix things for awhile but allow yourselves to become stronger in who you really are, you won't be so caught up in the stress of saving a relationship, or in making the relationship into what you think it should be.

And I have to add, don't take meds that weren't prescribed specifically for you! That's really dangerous!

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