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Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

My life just ended.

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Old 02-15-2009, 04:01 PM   #1
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Default My life just ended.

Alright. Well, I guess this is a strange post for me. I haven't felt depressed in forever, but have been taking anti-depressants since I was in sixth grade. I go to a therapist every so often, because until just today, my parents thought I was doing great. Oh yeah, thats another thing. I'm only fourteen. xD But anyway, so things were going well for a while. And then, today, I decided to 'come out' of my agnostic closet.

Now my mom always told me she would accept me no matter what, and that she would always love me. My dad didn't really say those type of things, because well, he is too manly for it. But today while we were in the parking lot of Kroger, I finally dropped the bomb on her. I don't believe in God.

Now, I have know this for a couple of years. All my friends, classmates, ect. know about it, and most of them accept it. So I guess in my mind nothing is wrong with it. But when I told my mother, all she could do is cry. I understand that, its a big deal for her.... But... Some things just hurt me too much. She told me she would rather me have told her I was a lesbian or pregnant. That she could accept that better. My father won't look at me anymore, he won't say anything to me. He yelled at me when I first told him when we got home, and then again when I got the mom from outside when he was raking leaves. My mom also called the preacher of our church, and he is coming later this evening to talk. Thankfully, Joseph is pretty cool, and I hope he will help calm my mom down.

I'm not wanted in this house right now. My mom still loves me, I know it, she has said it. My dad however has made it quite clear though that he doesn't want me around. But I can't go anywhere. I'm only fourteen! I can't even drive... So I don't know what to do.


...


Sorry for the 'emo' rant. But now onto how this affects my weight loss.

I know it hasn't been a day yet, but I can't eat. I should be hungry, I haven't touched a thing all day and its three p.m. But I won't eat. I cleaned the whole house, and keep moving. I keep thinking 'I don't want to eat at school tomorrow. I don't deserve food right now. I don't deserve anything'. I am afraid I'm going into a short phase of anorexia. And this has happened before - the next stage is an all out binging fest.... Whats a girl to do?

Long Awaited Edit ::

So I kind of left the thread for a while, and I almost forgot I had posted it. So sorry for keeping people hanging waiting for a response, but life took hold of me. Some people commented how I said 'Agnostic Closet' and 'I don't believe in God.' I don't believe in the Christian God. I don't know, and am confused about whether or not their is a God of other sorts. Whether it be Venus or Buddha, ect. Just thought I'd clear that up. :] Anyway, here is what happened that evening;;

The preacher, Joseph, who came over said he wanted to talk to my parents alone. I was in my room, chewing on my nails and trying my hardest to keep my cool. Two hours later I had calmed down a bit, and I heard my mother coming. During their talk I had heard a few words, a laugh or two, and something I couldn't distinguish between crying or giggling. But anyway, once she came in she apologized to me. She said she was sorry for the way she had overreacted, and that she loved me very much. I went to the dining room where my dad and Joseph were. He smiled, talked to me for a bit, and gave me his card if I ever needed to talk.

Needless to say, I was overwhelmed with joy. My father still wouldn't talk much to me, but over the past week he slowly has gotten back into the habit of it. I felt sooooo relieved when I went to school that week. For once it wasn't just school mates and friends that knew of my beliefs, it was my parents. My sister still doesn't know, as she is only ten and wouldn't understand, so its somewhat awkward around her. My mother still chokes up when my sister mentions God or church when I'm around, but its better.

Thank you all so much for showing your concerns. You have no idea how much it helped me. I am so glad this community is full of such caring people.Thank you.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:08 PM   #2
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Just breathe. The best advice I can give your right now is to just sit it out. Things seem really bad right now, but this is just temporary. Find something to occupy your mind for a little while, and give everyone a chance to cool down. You'll be okay.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:16 PM   #3
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Religion is a touchy topic to many people because it's so personal. Even to parents. I was raised in a Catholic church, went to a Catholic school (elementary-college), and I don't believe in god, either. My parents weren't too happy when I mentioned it either, but I just gave them time. I know it's bad right now, but they'll get over it--even your dad. It just takes time.
My best advice for you right now is to maybe go exercise for a little while--do some running--and clear your head. It'll make you feel better and you'll be able to think more clearly.

I hope everything gets better for you :hugs:
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:19 PM   #4
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Just remember that whether you believe in God or not, He believes in you, and He'll see you through this tough time. I'm sorry you're feeling down and I hope you won't let it break your determination to reach your goals.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:24 PM   #5
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That is really intense. My partner would be better able to relate, she came out as a lesbian at 18 to her preacher father and housewife mother and then later that year officially renounced the christian faith. It was really difficult for me to watch her go through that with her family, the whole... or as it seemed to me 'I love you but not who you are...' (Is that how it feels for you?) Five years later, we still struggle with this issue and her parents. Enough about us, more about you-...if you are worried about being thrown out check in with your school counselor, no joke, it may sound lame to a few but they are in touch with valuable resources. Everything from crisis workers and advocates, like me, or support groups for teens needing empowerment or parents who need to learn to deal.

Keeping cool can be an asset to, you may just need to hang tight and wait for the shock and grief to set aside. While waiting, take the time to take care of yourself. Do what you do to chill and be happy, otherwise you may lose the valuable ground you've gained in getting healthy.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:26 PM   #6
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Kelly - Thanks. Yeah, things are pretty tense right now. I know it will take time. Sometimes just hearing it from someone else though can help a lot. Thank you.

CeCe - Yeah. I want to go for a walk very badly right now, but I'm not aloud to go out of the house. >-> I'll probably just do 30DS, just because I get to punch a lot. Thanks for your story though. That reassures me quite a bit. Than you! -hugs-

Reddalice - Thats how I feel right now, yes. Very much so. My mom keeps telling me she loves me, but also that she is worried about me. The worst part is she seems to think I want to change. But I really and truly don't. Too many people have tried to convert me, they aren't going to have any luck. But yeah, I keep trying to tell myself that starving and then eating a whole house won't make me feel better. Just because they are angry doesn't mean I need to give up.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:27 PM   #7
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I'm so sorry. It's awful to feel rejected by your parents. Right now, they are hurt and confused and don't know what to do, so they are behaving badly. They probably also feel like they've failed--some parents think that being a good parent means creating children who are just they are!

First of all, you're 14, so I doubt that they can kick you out without getting in trouble themselves. *IF* that happens, go to a police station or, if you know where it is, your city/town/county health and human services office. Or speak to a guidance counselor at school. Any of these places can get you in touch with a social worker who will work with your folks to resolve this. As a general rule, unless there's blatant abuse going on, the government likes families to stay together. You might also be able to get some help from your family's church. I'm not crazy! I'm a preacher's kid. I can't imagine my folks turning anyone away for being a "nonbeliever."

You and your parents would benefit from some counseling. If you're on antidepressants, you've got to be seeing a psychiatrist. Call the office and ask for a referral for a family therapist and ask your parents to go with you. Maybe they will and maybe they won't, but you could use some support.

Everyone I know, regardless of what faith they belong to or whether they believe at all, has gone through periods of doubt and disbelief. There's no proof. That's why it's called FAITH, not fact. Maybe you just don't resonate with your particular church and would feel more comfortable with a different denomination. Maybe you would like to explore a different belief system altogether (e.g., Buddhism is a nontheistic religion). You're 14! You get to question and work this out for yourself.

In the meantime, do what you can to take care of yourself. Eat well, get some exercise, rest.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:31 PM   #8
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Also, please eat something. I know right now, when you're so upset, you probably don't feel as if you could eat, but maybe if you ate a little something, you might feel better. Regardless of any difference of opinion you have with anybody in the world, it doesn't make you a bad person and it certainly doesn't mean you don't deserve to nourish yourself. Please don't apologize for expressing your feelings either; this forum is a place where we can all encourage each other, and most people don't need to be encouraged when they're happy, they need it when they're down.

If I may be so bold: when your family's pastor comes over, maybe try to talk to him alone, without your parents in the room. I would guess you'd be able to speak more freely with someone a little less judgemental that way. I hope you skies clear up and a compromise can be reached within your family very soon.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:39 PM   #9
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Mags - Yes, my mother keeps asking if she failed me. I keep telling her no, that whether she was the perfect mom or not, I still would have a mind to question things. I do see a therapist, normally we go every couple of weeks, but I was doing so good that they decided to skip a couple months. Well, now I bet that will change. We have an appointment on Friday, and we always talk a bit with my mom and me together. So hopefully it'll be easier. Thank you for your advice though. It helps me a lot.

Rosie - I know I should eat. When I get under stress though, I can't eat. I might try something very tempting though, like goldfish. Its not healthy, but I'm pretty sure if I at least eat something it'll trigger my hunger and I'll eat some fruit. And yes, my mother talked to him, and he wants to speak to me alone. Thank you again. :]
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:55 PM   #10
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You need to eat something just so you don't swing the other way & binge later. Even if you don't feel like eating, have something healthy & choke it down. You are in control of yourself--you beliefs & your body. This doesn't have to ruin what you've been working for.

Next, there is nothing wrong with not believing in god. That doesn't make you an awful person. There are many of us out in the world. This is a good time to explore what you do believe. If you don't believe in any god or goddess, you are an atheist. If you just don't know one way or another, you are agnostic. I'm sorry your family is making you feel bad. I hope their preacher is able to calm them down & perhaps remind them what Jesus would do in this situation--I doubt he'd be portrayed as yelling, kicking children out of his home, & damaging them emotionally . There are many paths you can take & not believing in god doesn't mean that you don't have a spiritual side to your life. Is there a Unitarian Universalist church in your area http://www.uua.org/visitors/index.shtml ? They are open to all faiths including those of us who lack a faith. They concentrate more on good works & social & environmental responsibility than god. Maybe if your parents saw you were still going to a church they would be more accepting. I hope things work out for you.
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Old 02-15-2009, 05:05 PM   #11
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Off-topic:

Amyk0202, what does the bit with the little animated smileys on your signature mean? I'm kind of new to a lot of the short-hand on this forum.

P.S. TOTALLY agree with the statement that Jesus wouldn't kick a child out on the street, etc. You are absolutely right.
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Next mini-goal: get out of the 230's by Christmas 2010 I'm not TRYING to lose weight; I AM losing weight!
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Old 02-15-2009, 05:23 PM   #12
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You are supposed to have doubts at your age. I can't believe your parents are overreacting so much. They should be glad you have a mind of your own. Things like this is why religion scares me. And I do believe in God.

Hang in there. There is nothing at all wrong with you. I hope your parents lighten up. I think their behavior is shameful.
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Old 02-15-2009, 05:57 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freshmanweightorbust View Post
Off-topic:

Amyk0202, what does the bit with the little animated smileys on your signature mean? I'm kind of new to a lot of the short-hand on this forum.

P.S. TOTALLY agree with the statement that Jesus wouldn't kick a child out on the street, etc. You are absolutely right.
It means I have one 10 year old daughter (dd-dear daughter), one 7 year old son (ds-dear son), one 6 year old son, and one 3 year old son .
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Old 02-15-2009, 08:01 PM   #14
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Hi! Listen, I can relate. I'm a 49 y/o woman and I had trouble telling my mom FIVE YEARS AGO that I'm an agnostic! I went to church until I was 44 freaking years old and I never believed any of it ever - even as a child.

Just know that there are MANY MANY OUT HERE LIKE YOU! It might take you awhile to find like-minded people because many don't go around pronouncing it but if you look you will find many lovers of rational thought out there. HANG IN THERE.

Congratulations on being true to yourself, I know it takes a lot of courage at y our age -- which I sure didn't have when I was 14! When I was 14 I got confirmed, cuz I was too big of a chicken to say I didn't believe in it.

PS -- Sit down and eat something healthy -- be good to yourself, don't punish yourself, you haven't done anything wrong.
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Old 02-15-2009, 08:27 PM   #15
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I agree with above post.What is interesting is that only 16% of people are either agnostic or atheist.Over 90% of scientists are.Scientists are interested in facts and believe what they see.You are a free thinker and obviously very intelligent.I have been agnostic for many years.I am always very careful when discussing religion with anyone because I know how sensitive people are about this subject.I believe what I do and certainly respect that most believe differently.I have any idea...........go into a science profession.You would be an asset!!!!Hang in there.I have 3 teenage boys and can also understand how it feels to be a mother.I think your parents may feel like they failed you somehow.Reassure them.You will all get through this.
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