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Maybe you feel comfortable doing this but in reality 3FC strongly discourages people from visiting subforums with the intention to argue against their method.
At no point have I argued against IE. At several points I have said I genuinely am glad you found IE is working for you and I wish you continued success. What I am saying is that classifying other diet methods, e.g., calorie counting, as "dysfunctional" comes across as judgmental and rude. Saying your relationship with calorie counting is dysfunctional/disordered is something different, and not what you said initially.
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I've seen some derogatory references to the "eat anything you want crowd" in a subforum but I don't participate in their discussions. The moderators wouldn't allow it and I wouldn't want to be rude either. IEers don't have a subforum, we label our threads IE and try to carve out our own little subforum this way. Perhaps you were not aware of this.
That is unacceptable of those who make such references, no matter the diet. No one should be referencing any diet method in a derogatory manner. I think some diets have legitimate health concerns, but it's important to raise those in a thoughtful and caring manner rather than insulting.
I was not aware IE did not have their own subforum. Is it something you can request? Anyway, I already explained that I hang out in Chicks in Control for a reason.
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That's what moderators are for.
If I stepped over the line in my explanations of how your posts read and my suggestions that you make more careful word choices in the future, then I hope a moderator will let me know and give me a second chance such that I can correct my behavior for the future.
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Never said it was.
Your second post in this thread contained the following:
"...all methods of controlling food intake such as calorie counting, food restriction or deprivation, weighing food, etc. In relation to an intuitive eater this is all dysfunctional."
So yes, to you my weighing of food and calorie counting is considered dysfunctional. This is what I take issue with. Even though you qualified it by saying from an IE perspective, that is still calling me, and other calorie counters, dysfunctional. This is no different, or less wrong, than calorie counters saying IE is just an excuse to eat whatever you want. Both statements are wrong.
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I appreciate that you are trying to understand what I mean and that I dont' take issue with other dieters, only discussing through the lense of IE the eating/dieting behaviors that exacerbate my ED. I too come upon posts where I think "that could have been phrased better" but would not presume to reword it.
You weren't clear that this was in relation to your ED, though. That was the entire point of the miscommunication. I had to "presume" to reword it in order to understand what you actually meant to say. Because you didn't initially type what you meant to say. There was no indication, initially, that your viewpoint was very specific to your own ED.
Your first posts in this thread were passing judgment. And as I read the thread, I saw some backlash to that. That's why I wanted a clarification, and wanted you to realize that you were
unintentionally being very insulting to a large number of people who do find calorie counting/weighing of food to be a successful method for their weight loss.
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This is what you are accusing me of saying, I did not say this, here let me cut and paste exactly what I said "Secret eating is only one aspect of dysfunctional eating. Others would be guit and shame, justifying food "well I only ate a small breakfast so it's ok if I eat this donut now," self judging, and all methods of controlling food intake such as calorie counting, food restriction or deprivation, weighing food, etc. In relation to an intuitive eater this is all dysfunctional." I did not say across the board, I did not say calorie-counters are dysfunctional, I said that calorie counting is a dysfunctional way of eating in relation to being an intuitive eater. But whatever, we can argue semantics all day long, the point is that my awareness in myself has raised awareness of what's going on around me. I don't need to apologize to anyone about that, anymore than I have to apologize for wearing the color yellow.
No one has said you need to apologize for anything. Personally, I would like you to realize that your word choice, which you quoted exactly here, comes across as saying now that you see things from an IE perspective, you realize calorie counting is dysfunctional. When you were first challenged on this, instead of a knee-jerk defensive reaction it would have been helpful for you to clarify that you meant from the perspective of your eating disorder.
It's not simple semantics. Words mean things.
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There's nothing wrong with not liking a certain diet. I can respect anyone as a person, that does not mean I have to enjoy and like calorie counting -what a person puts into their mouth is none of my business.
I don't think anyone here has implied you need to like calorie counting. But referring to it as dysfunctional from an IE perspective, rather than dysfunctional to you in the context of your ED, is offensive and judgmental. You made a poor choice of words. We know what you mean now that we have talked it over.
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But living in a diet culture comes with a lot of consequences. It's considered very "cool" to talk about calories and protein ratios, it's considered cool to be a fitness fanatic. There are some societal dietary norms that are accepted. For example, in the past when I used to hear my friend criticize every bite of food or diet relentlessly I used to think it was awesome, wow how can she be so diligent while I'm such a failure? And now I realize that it's not really healthy to scrutinize and badger oneself over what we eat. It was something I used to think was necessary and now I don't. It's quite a drastic shift and I'm still coming to terms with it and so every situation that I can observe other eaters becomes fascinating to me.
I understand how this can be a very difficult social context from someone with an ED. I do hope as you continue down your path of IE you continue to overcome it and enjoy being an unbiased observer. I think it is important to stay unbiased, though, and not make mental notes of how disordered others appear.
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There's nothing good anorexia by the way. If I see someone and I think they are anorexic it's not because I'm judging them, it's because it's deeply concerning to see your old rommate who went from being thin and healthy to looking quite sick.
Of course there's nothing good about it. If she truly has an ED rather than a two week stomach bug, let's say, I hope you're able to nurture her and eventually help her into the recovery she needs. I do understand, though, that sometimes there is simply nothing someone else can do and it is up to the individual with the ED to want recovery for themselves.
To summarize, I do wish you success on your IE journey. I'm very glad it has enabled you to get into the psychology of your eating patterns and ED and I hope you continue to overcome it. Also, I am glad we have clarified what you actually meant by your initial posts.