I am never bothered with Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas. I binge so bad all the time that these holidays are no worse than any other day. I'm glad to read the posts on this thread and I need a strategy also. Just completely out of control. Hate this.
omg... I shouldn't have done it last night but I did... My partner got KFC and I ate it A full meal. I felt so bad eating it and afterwards I wanted to puke it out, but I don't do puking so I felt guilty all night ...
Day 3 done!
Today went very well. Healthy meals, and I only snacked on popcorn (with just salt and garlic powder) and an apple. I didn't snack at dinner.
I'm a little hungry now, actually, but it's too late to eat. I'm so happy with how today went
Day 5 - Cheated a bit again with unhealthy dessert after dinner, but still not too much. These days I'm being a little less strict with dinner since I only have two meals in the day and my lunch is almost always about two spoons of rice with curry and a salad. On plan so far, but I'm worried about the upcoming weekend because I'll be alone at home, and having the house and TV and nothing to do, I tend to eat a lot. Need to figure out how not to fall into that little rut.
Had a pretty awful day today - got a huge bill this morning and we're already having trouble paying for our wedding The ate like 1/2 a box of cereal while watching TV instead of going to the gym.
omg... I shouldn't have done it last night but I did... My partner got KFC and I ate it A full meal. I felt so bad eating it and afterwards I wanted to puke it out, but I don't do puking so I felt guilty all night ...
I can eat something i shouldn't, or binge, and feel guilty for days. This issue seems to be that the heaviness of the guilt, walking around with the anxiety, the self hate, sets me off for the next binge. I may not accept that I binge, but I have learned that to not make it worse I have to stop focusing on the last binge. If I do, it sets off a domino effects since I seem to use binge eating to deal with stress, anxiety, everything. Dont not keep beating yourself up over it and move on to the next day. Try.
Craziness continues today. I worked til 9, then had a dr appointment. I had to change my appointment from 10:30 to 9, race there from work in 5 mins.I had to see the dr to get a new prescription. I am now taking 60 mg of my meds. I had started at 20 mg and have been working up every two weeks. Its getting old, and expensive to keep filling this new script every couple weeks instead of getting a full weeks worth.
Also, they took my weight while I was there. The scale did read that I was down 4 pounds since my visit with them two weeks ago. However, it also said I was 9 pounds heavier than what my home scale says??? I was fully dressed, shoes and coat, but still that sounds off. It used to be news like that would make me go into a tail spin..I already weigh more than I thought so I might as well it this or that..Still holding and not eating. I tell myself that even with all the clothes, shoes, fluid, etc. I am four pounds less and don't let what his scale says bother me. But, it stung to see that number. And the pounds just aren't coming off fast. Years ago I would've lost 7 pounds in a week, now 4 pounds in 2 weeks?
I knew there was no way I would make picking up my daughter at her school and get her to her appointment at 11. I had to then go get the rx, then had to go pick up my daughter for her orthodontist appointment.
From the orthodontist office I ran home with the groceries I had picked up while waiting for my meds. From there had to come home, take care of groceries, fed my daughter lunch, made lean hamburger patties on lettuce. I then transferred money from my savings into checking, paid off my dr balance, and the (gulp) $400 that was left on my daughters medicals since the dang insurance wouldn't pay for the tests she had. Wrote out checks on house taxes, house payment, cable and internet, another different dr bill, and now just thinking how the heck am I gonna keep swimming?
Tonight I still have a chiropractor appointment at 4:30, that lasts at least an hour due to physical therapy. After that appointment I have a board meeting across town for the food bank. It will last a couple hours and begins at 6. The stress, the running. So far not turning to food. However, when I get going like this it stresses and it was always so easy to just grab something to eat. Or, the worse. I come home and then just graze all night. I worry, am still worried.
I'm worried about all this running, I'm worried about trying to do everything, be everything to everyone..not let one thing go undone and fullfill everyone's needs. Those groceries at the store while I was getting scripts, there wasn't anything in that batch of groceries that was for me, it actually wasn't food it was items like toothpaste, shampoo, toilet paper..stuff like that.
I have surgery tomorrow and needed to get everything done. Then, husband asked this morning since I was going could i pick up this and that for him. I always say yes. In the 6 years we have been together i made myself think have I ever asked him for ANYTHING? Besides marriage vows, open a jar here or there..When I had my surgery in Feb. he did run and pick up prescriptions from the dr while I was still in the hospital...but I couldn't think of another thing. I make a homemade meal every night for dinner, I do the laundry, I run errands for him, pick up his food his supplies, anything he might need or want...He doesn't clean anything.
I am an independent woman, I am a modern woman, kept my own name for crying out loud, yet when I look at our marriage it isn't 50 50 it is very much like my own parents..old fashion in that sense, yet my mother didn't work and I am still trying to do all those things as a wife and mother that I feel make me important, or are my roll. Yet, I'm trying to think if there is ever a time I truly ask for any help or say hey can you do this? I wonder what his job is? I also wonder if this is half my stress. You can't be everything to all people and no one for yourself. I hate to ask him for anything I am so independent. But, I wonder if it is time to ask for help from him-not my kids, they do have chores, but from my husband himself.
I use my binge eating as a stress reliever, and I keep piling on the stress and responsibilities, then eventually I explode with a binge. If I can't completely cure myself of this binge, maybe helping relieve some of the actions that led me to binge might be a way to go. I still during all this running around today, and every day, work a job as well. I sleep less than 5 hours a night, up at 4:30 for work. Does this make any sense? I'm 16 days in so far on my binge free episode. Still going. I am worried about the days I will be home after surgery but hoping I'll hurt to much to even worry about food.
Today was rough on me too,
I did well up until dinner time (like always), I had a pile of sauteed veggies, a hummus wrap, lots of potato chips, a pb&j sandwich, a bowl of oatmeal, a bowl of pumpkin pie filling, soup, and bread.
But I'm just going to focus on making up for it tomorrow- fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a planned dinner. Hopefully a workout if I wake up early enough (I have an 8:30 meeting).
Last edited by MeganTheMushroom; 11-12-2013 at 07:32 PM.
Mainecyn, I agree, it sounds like you have too much stress in your life and maybe that's contributing to your binges. Cutting some of that out would be ideal, and I agree that asking your husband to contribute more sounds fair. What isn't fair is for you both to be working full time jobs, but you also doing all the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc, etc, etc while his work ends as soon as he gets home.
Megan, was it like a bowl of canned pumpkin pie filling or did you make it yourself? I'm amassing a list of HuggerBunny-friendly treats to make after Thanksgiving so I'm not tempted by the Christmas cookies, and one of the things I have on the list is pumpkin custard. My plan is to basically bake a pumpkin pie without the crust and replace the sugar in the filling with Splenda!
So I had an unexpected treat last night that I probably shouldn't have. My husband made chocolate chip cookies. I'd already created the rule that I can have ONE of whatever cookie/sweet treat is baked. Treats will also only be baked occasionally. My plan come December is to bake one kind of cookie per week (on my day when I get to choose anything I want for lunch), eat one, then save a few for my husband and send the others with him to work. Hadn't really expected him to make cookies (chocolate chip cookies are the only thing he bakes or cooks), but I reluctantly decided that the Eat One rule applied to his cookies as well So maybe I shouldn't have had the cookie, but I did, and it was wonderful! He only bakes them once or twice a year so I don't think it's too big of a deal. I compensated for the cookie calories by considering it to be my dinner.
Last edited by HuggerBunny; 11-12-2013 at 10:06 PM.
Thank you for your input huggerbunny, part @f me has felt guilty for even wanting to ask for help of any kind I haven't since we married. But, this is how Ive always been. I know I take care of my kids, my husband, and house..as well as all the meals and shopping etc. Throw in I do all his shopping when he needs things etc. I have to figure out how to talk with hm. What I really want is help from him, not him delagating it to kids. I want him to lend a hand. I will have to figure out something. I also don't ask him to pitch in financially 50 50..Where do you find a spouse like me? I need one.
If your watching calories then accounting for the cookie calories should help. Maybe watch fat the next day or so. I envy your ability. To eat just one cookie and not to have to never eat another one.
Tired. I got home at 730 tonight. Long day when you've been running nonstop.
Day 6 - Good day today. Just had one snack in the evening, a pretty light lunch and a dinner of about 600 calories so did well today. I'm planning to go for a movie tomorrow and my personal challenge is to, for once, not have popcorn and coke. I don't know if I'll be able to though. I'll try to find something less fattening, or skip lunch tomorrow.
I am home from my back surgery. All went well, feeling emotional, but not hungry emotional. In fact have had a kinda lump in my throat and stomach since surgery, a heaviness.
I have been binge free, carb free, for 16 days now. I was almost forced into eating carby garbage at the surgery center today. Before I could be released I had to eat something and drink something..they brought in a basket full of artificially sweetened grape juice, boxes of apple juice, and orange juice..the 2nd basket, 3 flavors of granola bars, cereal bars, and crackers with cheese. I looked at that stuff and thought are you serious? I wasn't going to compromise how I was doing by eating that stuff. This is what they offered when on my info sheets I marked I do not eat grains, gluten, sugar etc..I am type two diabetic and I also have found it easier to just tell people in offices that I have a gluten allergy.
I told the nurse I was fine with my bottle of water and when she was gone I unwrapped the crackers and fake cheese she left me, putting the crackers in my bag and leaving the wrapper out. Im sorry, I wasn't gonna eat it. The next thing I would have done was come home and keep eating. I wasn't going to binge or eat something that can trigger a binge just for them.
After surgery today they put me in a recovery room and stayed there for an over an hour. I got a little nervous because I could feel my legs during the procedure, but 10 mins in recovery my right leg and foot went totally numb. I couldn't stand on it, walk, nothing. They stood me up and I toppled over. I was pretty scared. I had driven myself and wasn't able to be put under for my procedure..instead they gave me an epidural which I remember from the times I was pregnant.
I am not sure what is really going on. I don't know if its the medication I am taking, the new added supplement of chromium picolinate which is supposed to help control binging, but I haven't had the urge to binge, not at all. I took it the first time last years ago and had some success with it..but didn't last long. I know that some regular medications may also change things..but I had been taking it when I was binging, just the dose is upped.?? who knows maybe I am trying to think or analyze it too much and should just accept it? I just want to get to the bottom of what triggers these binges while I am strong enough not to binge.
Weight, I am STILL sitting at 171..nothing, no change since last week. But, at least it isn't a change in weight due to weight gain I am getting frustrated, but unlike all the other attempts to lose weight this no movement in the scale hasn't set off a binge reaction. I generally get this far dropping a couple pounds, and then when no more comes off I just give up and eat everything.
Huggerbunny- it was homemade, it wouldn't of actually made a pie, but it included a lot of sugar and maple syrup
Today was a really good day though. I was pretty busy, an 8:30 meeting, after that I had classes, then lunch and another meeting 45 minutes later, then 5 hours of work. I ate well all day, healthy and reasonable portions. When I got home from work, I had some dried figs- turkish, my favorite
Day 1 over.
Can't wait for Day 2
Mainecyn - I hope your recovery goes well, it sounds like you are continuing your great stretch of control! Great job! 16 days, whoo hoo!
Megan - I hope Day 2 is going as well for you as Day did, sending you positive vibes.
Iloveveggies - I'm sure you can figure something out for your movie snack, and if you decide to work in the popcorn and coke that seems reasonable also!
HuggerBunny - good job on controlling yourself around the cookies!
Lisa - I'm sorry you had such a rough day, money stress can really do a number on you! Hang in there!
Grabec - Welcome to the thread!
Rhiko - I know it is frustrating, but one meal isn't the end of the world, hope you are feeling better after getting some distance from that evening!
Sending positive thoughts to everyone who is struggling, one day at a time, we can do this!
So I did not eat what I should have this morning at breakfast. The power went out during the night (it was super windy and icy and rainy AND snowy out!) and stayed out for several hours. Absolutely did not want to open the fridge and let any cold air out because I was hoping we'd be able to save the fridge contents. But I was also hungry and we didn't have anything appropriate for me in the cabinets, unless I wanted something like a can of diced tomatoes (which I definitely did not want). We really need to go to the grocery store but the weather has made the very inadvisable. So after much thought, I spread some peanut butter on saltine crackers and had that for breakfast. I'm supposed to be staying away from carbs that come from grains. Then literally as I put the last bite of cracker in my mouth, the power returned after having been out about 7 hours! Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.
Also it occurs to me now that I had a container of almonds and some Larabars that would have been better unrefrigerated choices, but those did not occur to me even though I was contemplating what to do about breakfast for a solid 2 hours before finally having crackers and PB.
A full meal. I felt so bad eating it and afterwards I wanted to puke it out, but I don't do puking so I felt guilty all night ... 
When I had my surgery in Feb. he did run and pick up prescriptions from the dr while I was still in the hospital...but I couldn't think of another thing. I make a homemade meal every night for dinner, I do the laundry, I run errands for him, pick up his food his supplies, anything he might need or want...He doesn't clean anything. 
I just want to get to the bottom of what triggers these binges while I am strong enough not to binge.
I am getting frustrated, but unlike all the other attempts to lose weight this no movement in the scale hasn't set off a binge reaction. I generally get this far dropping a couple pounds,
and then when no more comes off I just give up and eat everything.
