[uwfan27]

This past week has been awful in terms of food. Why is it sometimes all or nothing? I can’t seem to do ANYTHING in moderation, including eating well. A couple weeks ago I had a weekend away (some of you might remember my post about going away to see a concert…) Well, the following week I was about 80% on plan, but there was some slipping. This past weekend I was in a wedding and completely went off plan. Pizza, beer, wine, cake… And this week I’ve been just awful! I have no excuse! I have just been eating crap. For the last couple of days I’ve felt the uncontrollable binge feeling for the first time in a couple months. I have driven to the store just for food. I have eaten when I wasn’t hungry. I’ve eaten what doesn’t even taste that good. I have gotten in bed to sleep, just to get out and eat again. Taken the food to bed with me… Made several trips back to the kitchen. I just can’t seem to stop in the moment. I think it really ties in with drinking a lot for me, even if it’s just a drink or two, my inhibitions are lowered enough that my binging behavior is uncontrollable. I do so well when I’m really trying, no cheating, no drinking. But after awhile I think to myself… “I should be able to do all things in moderation; life should not be about so many restrictions.” I don’t want to admit that I can’t control myself. I feel like it’s some sort of shortcoming. I am not ready to fully accept I have this problem and that I’ll need to continually work to stay on the healthy side of my binging. I’m a control freak, a perfectionist, so I keep beating myself up for failing. When I try to confide in “normal” eaters about all of this I get a speech about “willpower” and how it should just be “easy”.

I just want to scream!!! Venting here helps, I’m feeling a little bit better already

[Blondie160]

I completley know where you are coming from! I am feeling the exact same right now!

[Lovely]

It's not easy, but it is doable. Do not beat yourself up over this. Does beating yourself up do anything good for you? Is it helping you get back on track? Because it sounds like beating yourself up is just making you feel worse and nothing more.

It's difficult to admit that we have a weakness. However, ignoring it or pretending that we can just handle it like a "normal" person is just going to lead us to more self-destructive habits. We aren't like normal people when it comes to food. We have to find our own way. It means that sometimes we DO need certain restrictions, because those restrictions help with OUR normal.

It is not weak to discover that you need to have things a certain way. That's not perfection speaking, that's experience. Even with a plan, mistakes may happen, but the difference is that you know what works!

Brush off the guilt. Sit for a moment and think back to what you were doing when you were feeling good about your plans. What's your next meal? Plan it out now. Visualize eating healthfully. Then do it. Because you can.

[lesleyma]

I have had the same problem, and for me it definitely has to do with drinking. After I have a glass of wine it just does not seem to matter that much, I have this eat, drink and be merry kind of attitude. I am trying now to just not drink wine that often, and realize that when I do I will probably overdo, and that's ok - as long as it is not all the time.

[tigerchild]

Part of being in control of yourself means that you know yourself and that you honor what you know about yourself.

If you choose to stop drinking in order to lessen binges, that's not "not controlling" yourself, that is being in control!

Of course, every choice we make has ramifications. If your social life is centered around eating and drinking, then it's freakin' scary to figure out a) what else to do other than your status quo and b) if people will find you just as nice/fun/funny when you don't drink/eat the same things that you did (most of the time they will think that you're just as great as they always did).

OTOH, it's also okay to feel grief and anger over having to be more careful than other people, and struggling with binging! That's part of the cycle too, I think.

But I do think it's important to acknowledge that choosing to alter your habits/making different choices/changing your environment is NOT a symptom of "not being able to control myself"; it's exactly the opposite. Look, if you had a kid trying to do homework while a big brass band was marching around playing as loud as they could in the same room, would you look down on the kiddo if they whipped out some earplugs or went somewhere else to study? No! You'd say, "Wow, that's great--they took initiative and *solved the problem*."

Same thing with what you figure out you have to do to help yourself not binge. You can't worry about the rainbows and unicorns that you don't have or what you think everyone else doesn't have to do--you have to worry about what YOU must do to solve the problem. When you're solving the problem, you are exerting control. You are not defective or weak because you have to be innovative to solve a problem!

[sunlover]

Dont beat yourself up about it. Just get it together and get back on the wagon

[uwfan27]

Thanks everyone, it's really good to hear everyone's thoughts/advice. I've given it some thought, talked to my therapist and have decided I'll try not drinking for awhile. While it's a part of my social life it isn't my entire social life and my friends will definitely understand if I choose to drink a diet Coke instead. It will be interesting to see how I do with the food once I am able to stay in control more (not losing inhibitions from alcohol). This weekend is the perfect time to try abstaining, after doing it over the 4th it will really prove that I can do it and still have fun. Thanks all!

[Beila]

There is nothing wrong with abstaining, even if you go out on social events to a bar with friends, etc. Just get the coke. I do that all the time. I just don't drink, and order soda or water from the bar. Just tell them that you are on a special diet. No questions will be asked. If they pressure you, then just say that you have to get up early or that you have to drive. I do that all the time. I also agree that the drinking causes you to eat more. Drinking and eating go hand in hand. It's like having wine with cheese or hors d'ourves (i hope i spelled that right!).


When you said:
“I should be able to do all things in moderation; life should not be about so many restrictions.”

...this is true. You should think this to yourself. However, you are battling a binge problem at the moment. At this moment in time, it isn't wise to keep thinking this thought to yourself, as this will lead you down the wrong path and tempt you to eat what you want and NOT in moderation. When you get to a phase later on down the road, you can use this mantra and practice it with your eating. However, right now, focus on control in your eating. Instead, say this to yourself:

“I should be able to do all things WITH CONTROL; life should be about BALANCE.”

Think about these two things when you eat:
1) Control
2) Balance

Control is eating the AMOUNT you decided on and at the PACE you decided on.

Balance is eating WHAT you want in with the things you know you SHOULD eat and in the right combination. Balance within your meal--a bit of this, and a bit of that. Balance from meal to meal--heavy breakfast, light dinner. Balance from day to day--splurged on saturday, sunday go light.

Remove the definition of what you think is NORMAL in your mind and make a new definition of what is normal to you starting now. No one is normal. Even thin people have their own quirky ways when it comes to eating, we just don't read minds to know what goes on in their heads when it comes to their decisions.

Don't be so disappointed in yourself. No one is perfect. No one is perfect, so if you try to be, you will only disappoint yourself more.

Lastly, those people telling you to have some willpower around food, well that can drive me crazy too, but it's not about having willpower. It's about getting to the point where you have the willpower, and making food and eating decisions becomes so effortless because you've got that willpower to say no and be quick to make the right decisions.

Getting to the point to having this magical willpower takes practice. It's like running a race that every once and a while something pushes you backwards 1 mile. But just keep going forward despite going backwards. Practice makes it easier each time, and you'll get to the final point where willpower is all yours. Practice eating on plan 80%, then 90%, then 100%, then repeat the 100% days and see how many consecutive on plan days you can achieve. Practive going to outings and concerts without eating the vendor food or drinking, and bring your own things instead. Practice going to events where you exhibit control and you pre-decide what you will and will not eat knowing ahead of time that there will be temptations. Also never binge again. Practice making this your lifetime goal. Try one day, two days, a week, two weeks, a month without binging. This is difficult if you had this problem before, but it can be done. It is possible to never binge ever again and live binge free. Practice going to bed and staying there and instead use relaxation techniques to put your mind to rest and to sleep.

Good luck and take care