[Just 10]

This is my first post but I've been reading for a while.

A few years ago I lost 20 pounds. (from 165 to 145, and I'm 5'8) My goal at that time had been 150. Once I got to 145, I then lost 5 more, pretty much without my additional effort. I was happy about it! (back in my early 20s I had been anorexic/bulemic, so I was mostly happy that an effort to safely lose weight didn't turn into a downward spiral.)

I kept the 20-25 pound loss of for a few years and was really happy about it, appreciated my body, etc. But, a year ago today I weighed 140 and today I'm 150. I know that I'm a healthy weight. I know I'm a healthy BMI. But I'm 10 pounds heavier and it's causing a lot of bad thinking in my head.

Basically I binged those 10 pounds right back on over the past year. I own my own company that is growing and changing and it's been an intense year at work. I do the cycle we're all so familiar with: binge for a day or two, feel the self loathing, vow to be "good", BE good for a few days, reward a pound or two loss with a binge, and on and on it goes.

My boyfriend is tired of hearing my complain and I'M tired of hearing me complain. 140 is a weight I've reach through reasonable means before. (Calories at about 1600/day + 4-5 days exercise of 45-60 minutes. No extremes on either side of that equation.)

The last few weeks have been BINGE FESTS. I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel physically and mentally. So I joined this forum officially so I can stay accountable. I think that's what I need. My boyfriend doesn't think I eat too much, but of course I only do that if he's not here. (silly boyfriend. )

So once I make it through today (which I will - I have very filling tasty meals planned that add up to 1650), I will have completed day 5 of no binging.

I just want to add - I don't even try to go lower than 1600 for one or two days MAX because it's just not enough for me and either leads to genuine hunger that makes me over eat or it causes that reward binge stupidity. I know I can lose weight at 1600 + moderate exercise.

Anyway, thank you all for listening. I have appreciated reading your posts and will now appreciate being a part of it.

[ShanIAm]

Did something significant in your life change in the past year that has you going back to binging? Or did you just find yourself too comfortable after years of maintaining the weight you lost and start to feel "invincible"? It's hard to explain but hopefully you know what I mean! :-) I think you made a great first step by coming here, reading and posting! You will find yourself back to feeling like you again -- the HAPPY you -- by taking back control. The day, the hour, the minute you do that, you'll stop "complaining" because you know you are on the right track again.

The upside is that you recognized the bad patterns before you went back to 165! That in and of itself is something to be proud of!

[Emme]

Welcome and many hugs. Congrats on 5 days of not binging. Is the stress from work what caused you to start binging? Just take deep breaths and get through each day. Make a conscious choice to make today a good, healthy eating day ~ it's good for your mind and your body! Sometimes that's easier said than done, but sometimes that little saying helps me through.

[Just 10]

Thanks ladies Yes, I think it was the combo of being like "Wow, I can relax a bit here now that I'm wearing a size 6" and all the stress of the last year. Clearly I have realized that if I want to STAY that size 6/140lbs that I prefer, I can't relax as much as I thought. And duh, I need to not binge so much.

Today I was hungry for lunch 45 minutes before I was scheduled to eat it and I don't know if it was real hunger, boredom hunger, stress hunger or what, but I made some tea and waited until the clock said 1. I reminded myself, "You ate breakfast at 10. Your body can handle 3 hours without a meal." :-) So far so good. Thanks again!!

[ShanIAm]

Excellent choice when it came to holding out and having tea instead! Tea is my saviour when I am feeling hungry but know that I'm really NOT! It was probably boredom hunger. For me, when I am bored I think of food and then I start to crave the things I am thinking about and then my stomach starts to growl and then I think I'm hungry. It's a vicious cycle, isn't it?

Glad to hear things are going good so far!