Today is day 42. Im so excited to be here... I haven't gone this long without a binge in almost a year. :-))))) Hope everyone else did great this weekend, too
Hi everyone, this is day 3 for me. I did good again cause I don't have anything here that I usually binge on. I refuse to buy any of it. The only thing I have that I like to eat a lot of is fruit, so that's good. If I end up binging on fruit, that's ok.
happytobeamom--thanks so much for your concern! I was doing really well with not binging, I got up to 82 or 83 days. And now it seems so hard. I know that at the beginning of the year, I got some bad news at school--my prof was not happy with my work. It set me back, both emotionally, and just in terms of what I've wanted to get done since then because I've had to keep working on something I thought I was done with. I'm in grad school, so I have a pretty rough schedule and my self worth is seriously wrapped up in my academics. I re-sumbited a new paper, and the prof still didn't like it!
I'm sure it's not just that, but I feel like this whole situation has affected everything else in my life. Now that I write it down, it seems so stupid! But I feel like my confidence has been really messed with (I'm not blaming the prof at all), and I'm not sure how to make myself feel better, as there is no way to get positive reinforcement of my work from my professors (it's something that my classmates and I all struggle with).
I've actually thought about going to see a therapist, but the whole thing scares me, plus I like on a very limited income and therapy isn't well covered by my insurance.
I know I feel better about myself when I'm eating well and not binging, but it's so easy to get blinded from that reality. It's really messed up, I don't understand why we all do this--although since there are so many that struggle with something that seems like it shouldn't be an issue, it helps me realize that it is a serious problem that's real. It helps so much to come on here!
paris81 - thank you for being so open and honest. i hope writing this down has helped you at least a little! my therapist reminded me that some people loose control with alcohol, their temper, their language, their driving etc. we just 'choose' to loose control with food...thinking of it that way really helped me because i work (and usually succeed) at controling my temper, so why not my food... of course, i am only just past day 75 so... ask me in a year or two !
I'm almost through with Day 4. Had a moment earlier when I wanted to binge. Not sure why or what I was feeling that prompted it. I was alone, so that's a trigger...as was the bread/cookies/coffee cake sitting on the counter. But, then, my little brother came home, I was no longer alone and it's like the spell was broken. I quickly went upstairs, away from the food and the kitchen (which, also helped to dissipate my binge mood) and tried to think about what had just happened. I didn't really understand what I was feeling (anxiety? maybe...), but it's the first time I've ever tried it. I have this mental imagery thing going now where every time I make a good decision regarding food, I add a link to a chain. Every good decision is a new link..even small ones add up!
Paris -- Glad to see you're back! I can totally relate to getting disappointing feedback from professors and having your self-worth in your academics. Mine's there too!!! I'm in grad school as well and just got some comments back on my thesis from one of my committee members. ACK! There were some critiques in there that definitely spiked my stress and anxiety levels. But, I took a moment to think and decided that before my committee meeting next week, I'm going to address all those critiques so I go in prepared. It's going to be a lot of work, but at least I'll proactive rather than reactive! If you ever need to vent about school stuff though, I'm here to listen!!
Skyra -- congrats on one week down!! That's awesome and I hope to join you soon. I haven't had a binge-free week in forever...but I'm hoping that'll change this week.
And JustSharing -- Congrats on going a month!! Very inspiring!
I'm at the end of day 4. It was rough today cause I was cleaning the house all day which made me extra hungry. I made it though, but had about 250 calories more than my limit because of extra healthy snacking throughout the day. Thank goodness I don't have any of my triggers in the house, I even went to the market for stuff I needed, I passed all my triggers and didn't buy any of them!
thanks for the support foxxy and happytobemom--I really, really appreciate it!
Sounds like you're being really proactive, foxxy, that's great! I'm still in the process of forming my committe and finishing up coursework--so much to do!
happy--day 75--that's amazing! Awesome! Wonderful! congrats, I know how hard that is. keep it up!
Day 6 for me, it's getting a bit easier at this point, mostly because I don't keep my triggers in the house anymore, i don't buy them. Gosh, I hope I don't find any new foods to binge on. There won't be any food in the house.
