Despite the upcoming stress and temptations the holidays bring, let's all have a binge-free week! Remember to take care of yourself this week as well as you do others.
All are welcome!
Day 45 today for me. 4 more days until Christmas and 10 until New Year's Eve. Had a weird eating day yesterday but no bingeing. Back to normal today.
Last edited by EsperanzaBella82; 12-21-2009 at 03:14 PM.
Sorry, this is going to be kind of a novel, but I want to write about what I'm experiencing tonight.... it's kind of depressing so if you don't want to, please skip over it...
I bought something that is one of my biggest temptations (I won't say what it is, in case reading about unhealthy food triggers a binge for anyone). And I thought about it for hours. Eventually I realized that I wanted to binge.
It was weird. I sat down with it and started eating. I sat down thinking, "I am going to eat the whole box." After a couple bites, there was a voice in me saying, "Stop. I'm satisfied." (The new, healthy me.) But I kept going. I wanted to eat and eat and eat, not because I really wanted the food, but because I wanted to prove to myself that yes, I have a problem with binge-eating and yes, I need help.
I don't feel excessive guilt after I binge. I shrug it off, say "oh well," and try to move on. Which is probably good. I'm not saying that beating yourself up over binging is desirable or healthy. But I'm not strict enough with myself -- I say "oh well" and within a few days I've binged again -- and I'm not getting anywhere with my weight-loss progress. I'm going in circles. Eat really healthy, feel really good, sabotage myself, feel frustrated, try again, the whole cycle.
So tonight when I sat down with the food I wanted to eat until I felt guilty. I wanted to eat until I felt sick. This is a food I feel absolutely powerless to resist. If it's there, I feel like I have to eat it. I hate that powerlessness. I hate going day in and day out resisting buying this food, thinking about it, not allowing myself to have it, etc. etc....
I wanted to sit down and eat until I got physically sick. I wanted to force myself to do that because, I thought, if I could get sick, maybe I would stop liking this food. Maybe I would never want it again... and I'd be free of that temptation, of that powerless feeling... I would never have to fight with myself over eating it ever again...
As of this writing, I'm still eating, and feeling nauseous.
I'm in tears as I write this. I feel scared. I don't want to go down that self-destructive path. I know that this is not a healthy way to act or think. I KNOW that if I really wanted to, I could say no to these foods. I could be stricter with myself. It's MY choice to binge and saying I'm powerless is just an excuse. But I don't like to admit that, of course. So I binge again and again, saying "I'm gonna do my best, but I don't really believe I can beat this."
I want so badly to beat this.
I am TIRED of sitting in a group of people and paying more attention to the food left sitting on the table than to the company I'm with.
I am TIRED of feeling deprived whenever I go to the grocery store and avoid trigger foods.
I am TIRED of being bloated, of having a belly, of feeling unattractive, of holding my stomach in when I'm with attractive people, of feeling like I'm not good enough or strong enough or smart enough to lose weight.
More than anything I want to feel IN CONTROL around food -- ONCE AND FOR ALL.
I'm sorry for this. I needed a space to say these things, and I don't know where to go other than here. I figure you guys understand better than anybody I know. Any and all thoughts are appreciated, of course, as always.
I completely understand both the motives and actions in your post. And i have been there before. I am a recovering binge/purger...so I get the need to feel guilty feeling.
I'm just telling you , you are not alone,
for now, stay away from that trigger food. It's for you to deal with in a better mood.
It was kind of a rough Thurs-Sun due to family and friend get togethers, and one stress induced B, so today is day 2, but I have a positive outlook for the rest of this week.
Yes I will eat and enjoy on Christmas, but I won't B!
Just wanted to add that I was browsing the 'at goal: before/after pics' section and I am VERY inspired! I know I can do this again!
Last edited by DogMomNP; 12-22-2009 at 09:33 AM.
Reason: Addition
Skyra--You are not at all alone. I totally hear what you're saying, it's about wanting the control. It seems like everyone else in the world can walk past xx food without even thinking about it, but for us, it makes us crazy and it takes over our thoughts, and we feel out of control. Even though I'm doing well in not bingeing, I think about it constantly. All the time, seriously. And I don't know why. It doesn't make sense, it's destructive, it's unhealthy, and again, it just plain doesn't make sense!
Just take it one day at a time. You can fight this today, worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
I'm on Day 44, and nervous about going home for Christmas. I will only be there for 4 days, but still, all those old feelings from when I was in high school and binged came back over Thanksgiving and it was such a battle to fight with them. I just have to keep telling myself that food is not the answer, it will not make my family get a long, it will not get me back to my own apartment sooner, etc.
Skyra,
my heart really goes out to you. I have done what you have done many, many times (and I'm sure other food addicts on these boards have too). Sweetheart, I wish I could give you a big HUG and tell you that you are worth it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worth fighting for. Look at yourself through the eyes of love and respect. I know it's probably not what you feel, but try to look at yourself the way your friends and family look at you.... I have eaten, binged, made myself sick, starved myself many many times... Ongoing cycle I have personally struggled with for about 5 years, started in college. But the only times I really feel better are when I ask myself "What would a person who loves and respects themselves do in this situation?" Would they hurt themselves with food? No... Would they numb their emotions with food? No... because they'd want to better themselves. And it's ok to stumble, because we all do... now, pick yourself up and continue on. One meal at a time. I know you can do it!!!!
Hey girls. Not having such a good day today. I have to start searching for a new job and the prospect is daunting. I've been putting it off for a while, but financially I can't afford to much longer.
I'm just really stressed out.
Skyra, I read your post and all I can contribute is a
Only good news is that I'm working on Day 46 binge-free today.
I was good at work yesterday,t hen the minute I got out I started thinking of working short staffed the next day, and all that I have to do for XMAS and I called hubby and said “order pizza.” Talk about self medicating. Ate WAY more pizza than usual.
My goal was to eat 1700 or less cal, I ate 2571 for the day. Also 3 vienna cookies.
The carbs made me sleepy and I went to bed 20 min early (= No workout).
OH WELL nothing I can do about it now. I had a protein shake for breakfast, have a small salad for lunch to compensate.
Jen, thanks. I'm feeling a little less stressed today about the situation. I'm going to give myself today and tomorrow to relax w/ my friends and family and then resume my search on Saturday.
Working on Day 48 today. 1 more day until Christmas. I still have to wrap, clean, bake cookies, help prep for a birthday party and deliver some presents. I am going to take my 3 labs out for a walk this afternoon as well.
I have a birthday party tonight for my younger sister as well as Christmas Eve dinner (seafood and homemade raviolis). I will allow myself one small sliver of cake if I want it. In my current mood, I don't. I just don't like the way I feel after eating large amounts of sugar.
I am making a requested cookie tonight -- Mexican Wedding Cookies. I haven't made any cookies so far so this isn't a big deal. We have homemade biscotti and pizzelles sitting on the kitchen island. However, I am not tempted so that is good. I did have 4 plain pizzelles yesterday but they were my lunch and are very thin. All in all, I have not eaten many cookies this holiday season. We didn't even bother to make sugar cookies, which is good b/c they're horrible for you and totally irresistible to me. The Mexican wedding cookies I'm making tonight are bad enough, but I'm only making about 5 dozen and there will be at least a dozen people here tonight, many of whom will be eating more than 5. I will allow myself 1.
Paris, how are you doing w/ your Christmas goal? You can do it!
DogMom, good job getting back on track. The holidays are going to be over soon enough. Thank goodness! How are you doing today?
How about everybody else? I know everyone is probably very busy but it really helps me to log onto 3fc for 15 minutes. It's like a little stress reliever. Merry Christmas all!
Skyra:
I understand how you feel, and I really empathise with you <3 I've been in that state of mind, and it really is a horrible thing. I think that if you really want to beat those self-destructing habbits, the best way is to take some time to yourself (even at this busy time of year) and think about what you really want. Write down your goals, and I know alot of people are probably saying this: but take it one day at a time
I'd like to join this thread if that's okay I'm a little late ¬_¬ but I only just saw it ^_^
Today I had a bowl of vegetable soup and a bowl of cheerios for lunch~
Brocoli, spagetti and tomato sauce for dinner~
and two coffees ^_^
Along with several handfuls of dried cheerios as snacks it brings todays total up to 1150 for me
Just wanted to pop in to say that I made it to Christmas binge-free. I did have 3 cupcakes and a few cookies today but nothing too outrageous. I didn't actually have any breakfast or lunch so I'm fine calorie-wise. I made a conscious decision that today I could have junk b/c I don't the majority of the time. Didn't end up making the Mexican wedding cookies last night--no time. I had a tiny sliver of birthday cake last night and 1/2 of a cupcake as my sister was making them at 4 am this morning. Weight was stable this morning (154). I would like to see 153 by Monday's weigh-in. I am getting back to my healthy eating plan as of right now. I am not bingeing, but I want my calories to be from healthy sources.
Oh, and I fit into Size 8's today. I think they run big, but still. Single digits!
VeeDeValentine!
Last edited by EsperanzaBella82; 12-25-2009 at 08:32 PM.
Yay for the size 8's, Esperanza! I'm on Day 49 now, I made it to Christmas Binge-free-woohoo! Now I'm going to New year's. I can't believe I've gone this long, I can't remember the last time I've gone 49 days no binge. crazy! I mean, I certainly ate more than I needed over Christmas, but it was not bingeing--there was no stuffing my face with cookies when I was alone in a room. So I still ate less than what I normally would have eaten, and that's my goal.
Binge-Free Challenge ~ Dec 21 through Dec 27
holidays 
bring, let's all have a binge-free week! Remember to take care of yourself this week as well as you do others. 
i need to succeed with this challenge this week. i'm in!
I'm a little late ¬_¬ but I only just saw it ^_^
VeeDeValentine!
