I understand how you feel exactly. My boyfriend loves me how I am but I can't bare walking around naked in front of him freely. I've been struggling with motivation for a year+ now. I think what finally kicked me in the butt was seeing 139 on the bathroom scale when I had been seeing 135/136. That seems minor but I always hated weighing 140-143 so seeing myself get that close again scared me.
What I try to think is...every time I see a girl who weighs 120 or whatever, I feel so bad. Why subject myself to that when I could feel so much better if I slimmed up myself? You need food to live but you shouldn't live for food.
If you need someone to talk to I'm always open to talk.