[hpy2502]

Hi all, this is actually my first post but I have been lurking around here for ages!
This site/forum is always special to me, whenever I am on my "weightloss" mode I always come here for inspirations (for the last 15 years!!! Ha)

Anyways, long story short, I have lost close to 70 pounds (I am 5'2,from 197 lbs to 129Lbs ) slowly over 2.5 years, with clean eating, and mostly calorie counting, not so much with exercise (I do go swimming a few times a week in the summer). I don't consider myself at goal yet, I'd like to lose another 18-20 pounds, or with a 25-26 inch waist, then I'll be happy (maybe?!). But when I tell my friend about this, they always say I am out of my mind that I should be happy with how skinny I am now, that I should not lose anymore weight. Many of my friends said I don't look my weight at all (thinner or fat, they are always shocked at how much I actually weight). I do think I am a little obsessive about my weight... But I guess it's what it takes for me to lose so much weight!?

The dark side of me often wonders, do my skinner friends (I am the heaviest among my friends all my life) think I should be grateful now that I am no longer fat? That I should be content with being smaller, but I could never be as skinny as they are?? I know I should not care about people's comment and just be what I wanna be, but it bugs me everytime I hear them say "you are skinny enough", while they weight about 100 lbs and still say they need to lose weight....

Honestly, I never thought I would be so negative (or bitter) when I have lost all this weight. There are so many unexpected issues came with this weightloss and I just find myself more and more depressed about so many things in life.... Funny how I was okay with myself 70 pounds ago but I find the slightest flaw in me now more then ever.

Thank you for anyone who reads this, it's such a long post!

[Haleyk28]

Hi my name is Haley and this is actually my first response to a post. I really respected your post and found many similarities to your story. I have actually lost weight over the last 4 years and I still feel like I'm not at my ideal weight. I find myself everyday wanting to change something about my body and find myself comparing my image to others around me. Especially my friends. When I talk to my friends about my weight they call me crazy for thinking the way I do about myself and that I have nothing to fix. They don't understand that You are your biggest critic. I am also the bigger one among my friend group and I hate to change in front of them because I'm scared they are constantly judging me or thinking, she should be working out more to lost those love handles. I feel as if I am getting better though about my body image and hope to overcome it as a whole and help others who struggle with this.

Thank you for posting this. I appreciated connecting with someone! This is definitely helping me with my journey

[hpy2502]

Hi Haley, thanks for responding to my post! It feels so good to have someone to related to!! How much have you lost? (If you don't mind me asking?) when I lost the first 50 pounds, I did feel amazing. It's the last 20 pounds that I get people started commenting I am "too skinny" or "oh no, you are skinner than me now!" Or "you don't need to lose anymore! You are turning into a skeleton!" I know and understand that most of them are still in shock and not used to seeing me in a normal size now.

I think the most upsetting feeling is that... I could never be better... It's honestly what I feel... I know I have ruined my body, wasted time, missed changes.... Even now I have improved myself.... It's all gone and what I have now is the best I could get... I hate the feeling I get from people that " you should be happy that you are so much skinner now... What else do you want? You want to be model thin??? It's miles better than what you used to be! You should be happy!"

Anyways , thanks again for reading, I feel better to put my feelings in word.. It released some of the pressure!

[sariejack]

I can relate to this as well.

I remember when I was in high school, I suffered from anorexia and was very small. I think I weighed 100 pounds at most. I was in a dance class, and the teacher used me to demonstrate this kind of stunt lift we were going to do for a dance routine. As she set me down, she remarked (in front of the whole class) "Wow, you are way heavier than you look."

Since those days, I have gained and lost the same 100 pounds at least three times. I think that even though I am short, I tend to carry weight differently so it looks like I don't weigh as much as I do. Also, I suffer from a kind of reverse body dysmorphia, in which I always perceive myself as being smaller than I am.

I mentioned this on a forum once and someone congratulated me on my high self-esteem! It has nothing to do with self-esteem, because mine is in the toilet. But it's almost like my body and mind only remember the days when I was a size 4-6 and those are the sizes I immediately grab when thrifting--even though I am a size 14 now.

[Koshka]

A few points to think about. First, having a specific size weight or body shape can depend on a lot of things other than weight by itself. For example, it is possible to be skinny fat and have a high body fat percentage but be a normal weight. When that happens losing further weight may not help that much. You might look into testing your body fat (I found a place where I could test with a bod pod and it did help me a lot to do that). In other words, it is possible that your body could look smaller with lower body fat but with the same amount of weight. So maybe testing body fat would help you to determine what is a good weight for you. I would also keep an eye on BMI to not fall within an underweight range.

Another point to consider is what weight you can sustain. At one time, I weighed 119 pounds. Yes, I liked the look. But, no, I couldn't sustain it long term. I gained it all back and more. Sustaining that low a weight was just too difficult for me.

And, finally, talking about waist size do you have any loose skin. I am actually having a tummy tuck/breast lift next month because I have loose skin and muscle separation in my abs that I can't fix with all the diet and exercise in the world. That doesn't happen with everyone (my husband lost over 75 pounds and his skin went right back into place) but it does happen to some.