is it just me? a little vent

fatmad · 05-14-2011, 05:37 PM

I'm feeling very sensitive these days, having some hard times personally.
I have started and quit several threads lately because it seemed to me that I was being critical, and not constructive in the post, and it didn't seem right to me.
But on this thread in the last day or two I have seen a couple of posts that seemed and felt critical and not constructive or kind. I hope thats not what people meant, but its not helpful. I know its easy to mistakenly be critical, I myself have apologized after the fact with a couple of posts that were not taken as intended.
It is wearing, though, to come to this thread and have people putting down the atkins diet, in a place that should be safe to discuss it, and be criticised for what you eat when you weren't asking for that feedback.
ok, now I have vented.

bargoo · 05-14-2011, 06:28 PM

Everybody has their opinions, I don't think anyone means to be unkind.

JerseyGyrl · 05-14-2011, 06:29 PM

Nope Madeleine, its not just you. As long as there are 2 people on God's earth, there are times when they aren't going to agree. Take it with a grain of salt and continue doing what works for you!
You CAN do this!!!
All the best to you!

kaplods · 05-14-2011, 06:58 PM

Weight loss is such a taboo that in the "real world" you can hardly discuss it at all without offending people. When you start breaking the taboo, it's hard to draw the line sometimes between constructive and destructive. Especially since almost everyone draws the line somewhere differently. One person's "rude" is another person's "straight-forward."

Some people find euphemisms kind of creepy, other people consider straight-forward obnoxious.

I think it's hard to discuss the topic without stepping on any toes. If we could only discuss weight loss in a way that would offend no one, it would probably also do no good to anyone. Meaningful topics tend to be dangerous ones.

Since mere topic of weight loss is taboo, it's impossible to discuss it without breaking taboo. It's impossible to draw a line that everyone is comfortable with.

What I do love about 3FC is that it seems to be the best balanced site (in my opinion). There are "sweeter" sites, but the topics tend to be very shallow. There are blunter, ruder sites, so if you're into "tough love" they may appeal to you.

I think 3FC gets it "just right," but that's for me. If you want a different vibe, you've got to find or create it. Even within 3FC there's a lot of diversity. Various forums tend to have different vibes.

People are supposed to be conscious of their posting, so you're not supposed to see Atkins bashing in the low-carb, especially the Atkins forum - but sometimes people forget or don't pay attention to where they're posting. And there are jerks (whom usually the moderators pull into check quickly. Their posts are deleted and they may be banned from the site).

I don't like unmoderated or loosely moderated sites because they get way too mean for my tastes, but I also don't like overly censored sites where you can't disagree with anyone on any topic. Often I learn the most from people I initially don't agree with (and I learn nothing from people who always agree with me).

sandyfanny · 05-15-2011, 12:31 PM

I agree with everybody! This is a "balanced" site with lots of support, ideas, information and suggestions. Foremost, I think those of us who regularly post just want to receive and give encouragement and support.

For example, I'm never offended when Linsy tells me to cowgirl-up and drink my nasty water and lay off the cheese when I'm wailing about not losing. I know she's rooting for me every pound.

I have no idea why people who want to bash Atkins or second-guess a program that's worked for many years for millions of people feel compelled to post on our threads. I just put them in permanent "hide posts" mode and wish them well. I do the same thing with people who are hyper-critical; I figure the voice in my head takes care of criticizing me.

So, have a great week, everyone. "Hide" from the haters!

dragonlady1978 · 05-15-2011, 01:12 PM

Here's the thing....

If everyone had to agree on any plan, none of us would ever get this done. I don't think it is just the differing opinions - this issue is a direct result of the conflicting information available to us.

One year the studies say fat is bad. The next fat is good, and carbs are the devil. The surgeon general says don't eat eggs, you'll have a heart attack! Then we see a commercial that touts the health benefits of eggs.

How can any of us keep up? No matter what plan we choose, you can find information and statistics that both back it up and shoot it down.

Alot of people feel the need to defend their position and degrade anyone else's just because they are looking for the validation and confirmation that justifies sticking with what they are doing.

In the end, we are all just trying what sounds and feels best for us. No one has the definitive answer or we wouldn't have to have these debates, and there would be a whole lot less fat chicks

If what you are doing is working for you, then let THAT be your source of confidence. You don't need everyone to agree with you in order for you to get results, and the resulting effect on your health is THE most important factor. We have a wealth of information and experience right at our fingertips on these forums. Take from them what helps you and ignore the rest.

kaplods · 05-16-2011, 05:39 PM

Everyone also works from their own experience. Until about 5 years ago, I was a low-carb basher, because my experience with Atkins was so bad that I sincerely believed that the plan was not only unhealthy but dangerous.

Unlike most folks (at least from what I gather), I never got over "Induction Flu."

Even as a young, healthy person on no medications, I couldn't do very low-carb without getting seriously ill. The nausea, severe headaches and lightheadedness didn't go away, in fact they only got worse - to the point that I would actually pass out, and had such severe headaches that I would miss work or school. The symptoms were so severe that I could never sustain a low-carb plan for more than 4 to 6 weeks.

To me, my experience was "proof" that low-carb plans were unhealthy and dangerous.

If I would have moved on to the OWL Phase, I would have had a very different experience. I can't tell you exactly why I didn't just start adding carbs to see if it helped, but all I can say is that I was always in such a rush to get the weight off as fast as possible, that I overlooked the obvious. Because Dr. Atkins said in the book that "induction flu" would disappear after two weeks, and didn't really prepare the reader for what to do if it didn't I assumed the whole diet was bad.

I now recognize the induction flu symptoms as low-blood sugar (or a sudden drop in blood sugar). The "cure" is simple, more frequent low-carb meals and/or including more (but not tons) of carbohydrates.

I really thought I was doing a good thing by warning people away from low-carb, because my experiences were so bad. I was too young and inexperienced to realize that every body isn't suited to the same diet. I didn't know that a diet that was good or bad for me, could be the opposite for someone else.

I think it's important for everyone to understand that opinions always come from a unique place. Most people think they're helping by giving their opinion (even if it is a strong one - probably especially if it is a strong one).

I know when I told people "steer clear of low-carb plans, they're terrible," I was trying to save people from my bad experiences with them.

I'd like to say I've learned my lesson, but that's not really the whole story. There are still diet- beliefs and behaviors that I believe are ineffective or harmful. Someone with good experiences with those beliefs and behaviors are going to think I'm unfairly bashing them, and will think I don't know what I'm talking about, or even that I'm being rude or disrespectful.

I try to make it clear that everything I say is coming from my beliefs, education, and experience. I've gotten more and more tactful throughout my life, but largely by trial and error, which means I accidentally hurt a lot of people in the process.

You can only offend no one, by saying nothing.

sandyfanny · 05-16-2011, 07:14 PM

I know from reading your posts, kaplods, you're always coming from a good place!

kaplods · 05-16-2011, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandyfanny

I know from reading your posts, kaplods, you're always coming from a good place!

LOL, I wish that were always true. I'm glad that it usually comes through that I'm trying my best, but I can be as short-sighted, insensitive (even grumpy and intentionally snappy) as the next person.

Usually when I have snapped at someone, I realize it and edit it out of my post (although not always before someone sees it).

I just have noticed that when I assume people are trying to be positive (even if I think they're missing the mark), I tend to be more positive. When I think people are intentionally being mean, I tend to be meaner. I don't like that in myself, so I tend to assume that everyone is either trying to be nice, or having a bad day.

Maybe I'm choosing to be a delusional Pollyanna, but it works for me (and I like that it drives really mean people nuts).

sandyfanny · 05-16-2011, 07:38 PM

That makes me think about the woman who ambushed me in the lounge at work all set to lecture me about something I'd said she didn't like. I smiled very pleasantly and answered her by totally changing the subject. She looked really confused and wandered away. HaHaHaHa!!!!

fatmad · 05-16-2011, 09:08 PM

Thanks for the support ladies. I'm not in the best place right now, and am trying hard to stick to the food plan and not give into the binge-my-troubles-away thing, but get back on track personally without going off track with my eating. So definitely a bit sensitive. I will "hide posts" as needed now, thanks for the suggestion.

sandyfanny · 05-21-2011, 12:24 PM

It's taken me four months of playing with the same 3 - 5 pounds to get myself together enough to stay completely on plan long enough to show any progress. I have to believe that not giving up is progress for many of us. The negative thoughts that float through my head are powerful, but not as powerful as my real desire to be healthier and happier. Hang on, Fatmad!

readyfreddy · 05-23-2011, 07:10 PM

Hey Fatmad- just lurking and wanted to say hi and I hope you feel better! I've gained 20 lbs since I stopped posting here regularly. Sigh. I am back on atkins but ive said that so many times, I just wanted to wait a while to pop in so you all didn't get another I'm Baaack post from me only to have me disappear.

So "HI", I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. What's going on? Stress sucks.