Today my 4 year olds kindergarten class is putting on a Mother's Day tea in the gym. I had no idea what it was supposed to be about and never for one second thought that I should dress him up. So I just dropped him off and there were 4 other little boys with dress shirts on, one was wearing a tiny suit for crying out loud and one had on a tie. I felt like a complete idiot because my son was wearing the usual casual pants, t-shirt and a sweatshirt. Well it is too late of course to get different clothes for him. I have to leave in a minute to go back and I was thinking about changing clothes myself, I was wearing approximately the same thing and then I decided not to, it is supposed to be what is in our hearts, not on our backs that matters but still I feel bad, like I am not a good mother because my kid isn't dressed up. Am I ******ed for not even thinking about dressing him up or would others have thought of that right away?
Well, unless there are only 5 kids in the class then your little boy isn't necessarily in the minority. Plus, if this were intended to be a dressy occasion wouldn't the teacher have sent a note home saying so? To be honest, I probably would have dressed my little girl up for something like that because she would have wanted to dress up for a tea party. But, my sons? Only if they asked me to. I'd rather them be comfortable and be able to run and play at recess than be dressed for a tea party that will probably last for less than an hour.
I wouldn't get too worked up over it. I know, for my own son, it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference to him at age 4, unless he was the ONLY one dressed casually. Even then, unless someone pointed it out to him, I don't think he'd have noticed.
Did you say you have to go back for the tea party? If so, grab something for him and let him know he has the option to change if he wants to. Otherwise, let him enjoy the party. And you enjoy it too!
I don't have kids, but my advice would be not to worry about it.... As long as he is happy and the kids don't make fun of him (which I don't think they would for that at that age), it shouldn't matter. I especially wouldn't worry if he is likely to complain/hate wearing dress clothes. I agree that if they kids were supposed to dress up, the teacher would have sent a note home. Dressing up for a Mother's day party doesn't mean we love our mom's any less when we aren't dressed up. LOL I agree it is what is in your heart that matters.
Hey everyone. Thanks for your comments. He was definately dressed about the same as most of the other kids. It was pretty much just those few kids that I saw that were dressed up. I think the one kid was especially dressed up because he got to say a couple of words at the microphone. I was just kind of upset because I don't think of stuff like that, worrying about clothes and being concerned about my appearance has never been a big concern. As long as my clothes are clean and I am clean and tidy I have never really worried about it. I wear appropriate clothes, don't get me wrong. If we are going to a party, like a sit down fancy party then I dress properly. But I don't spend money on clothes. I have work clothes (hospital scrubs) and casual clothes and that is about it. I think it bugs me more that it never even entered my mind that this was something to be dressed up for. Anyway it wasn't really a tea exactly. The kids came out with presents that they made for mom and then went up on the stage where they did some songs and some dancing routines and also they did a short play. Then they came out on the gym floor and did another dance and then the moms got up and danced too. Then when the whole thing was done they went back to their classroom for their snack and there was refreshments for the moms. So it wasn't an especially formal event that anyone needed to be dressed up for.
I don't have a four year old boy, but if I did a shirt and tie would be the last thing I would put on him! Unless we were going to a wedding! I can still remember being four, comfort comes first! Who wants to be playing on the floor wearing a suit????
I'm glad other kids were wearing "normal" clothes!
I think I know how you feel. Over Valentines day, my son (who was about 7 months old at the time) brought home a box full of valentines from the other kids at the sitter (its a family run daycare and he was the only "infant" at the time. There were no notes sent home regarding such but I still felt like, Why didn't I put together the little cards for the other kids from Carson-- this is his first Valentines party and I didn't make a big deal!?! I felt like such a crappy mom-- BUT I realized, that Carson wouldn't have known even what Valentines day was a that point and got over it. I make a big deal about other stuff for him but for some reason this escaped me. I'm not used to the "children parties" yet I guess. It starts at such a young age. I feel for you though.. You're a good mom. I have no doubt
That made me think back to when my kids were young. At the dance recitals, some of the parents got their daughters bouquets of flowers. Those kids didn't have a part in the recital that was anymore special than the rest of the kids. I always felt kind of guilty that I didn't think of little things like that for my kids. I think maybe it was from growing up with not very much money ~ there wasn't money for extra stuff like that. I didn't grow up feeling cheated, I hope my kids remember that I was there and don't feel cheated because of the extra stuff I didn't think to do.
I think it takes awhile before you start thinking about stuff like this for kids especially when you've only got one. I am not an only child but they are a lot older than me and I don't think my mom did a lot of extra stuff like what you've been talking about either. Also I didn't ever babysit so when it comes to kids interacting with each other and schools etc I've no clue at all. I also had that thing with Valentines, I got ds some cards but a lot of the moms also made up candy bags or stuck a candy to the card. This past Valentines I made ds make his own cards, he was the only one that did, all the others were those store bought ones with various cartoon characters. So I felt a little good about going to the trouble of helping ds make his own cards. I cut out some hearts out of red paper and he painted them and glued little foam shapes to them. On the back I made up some labels on the computer in red ink that said happy valentines and he stuck them on. In some ways it almost feels like a keeping up with the Jones effort you know. I'm normally not like that at all and I don't want to get into the habit that my kid has to have the same things other kids have or he is a failure.
OT - feeling really stupid over clothes
