I topped 300 for the first time and didn't even notice
Hello to you all. I feel like I know you somehow having read your posts for so long without writing. Lurking makes this an awkward intro because I need your encouragement and advice and you don't even know me! I need to be accountable to someone other than myself, because that hasn't been enough.
I knew my clothes were tight and the number of things in my closet that fit had dwindled dramatically, but 305... How did I let this happen?!!?
I'm so uncomfortable. My skin is tight, I'm hot all the time, I look dreadful, and I get out of breath alarmingly fast. I find myself looking for a chair (the wider the better), cringing at the thought of restaurant booths, not recognizing myself in reflective surfaces, and underestimating my width when squeezing between two objects. I swear I was just 270, or so I thought. Maybe it was 6 months ago... it feels like yesterday.
It was all my doing. Thinking about what and how I've been eating, I know I've got nothing and no one to blame except myself. But how can I eat like I do, when I know full well how miserable it is making me? It's that duality inside myself that I can't understand. I hate what I've done to myself and hate how I feel and yet I still knowingly engage in the behavior that causes it -- and if I'm being truthful, I don't just "engage" in it...I PURSUE IT, I MAKE IT HAPPEN.
I'm the manufacturer, the pusher, and the junkie when it comes to food, my drug. And now I'm 305 pounds. I've never weighed this much ever. This is not at all the life I thought I'd be living and that makes me very sad.
I've committed to losing weight hundreds of times, so I'm not going to make a big show if it here, but I must acknowledge that if I don't do something about this now, my life is guaranteed to not get better and has a very strong chance of getting much, much worse.
to you CLSC145 for coming out of lurkdom and posting! You could not have found a better place to seek out support. The fact that you posted shows that you are willing to make a change toward a healthier you. I know this may sound cliche, but just take it one day at a time, one meal at a time. It's a long road for a lot of us here, but we encourage each other to stay on that road and eventually we will all get to goal. This is my 3rd attempt at losing weight--the losing part is not hard, it's the keeping it off part that always throws me for a loop. Like you, I thought I was maintaining my weight all the while I was eating all kinds of junk food and I stopped exercising. A very short while later after a visit to the doctor I found I was 40 lbs heavier than I thought I was! That was a shock to my system. But i plucked up the courage to try again, walked in the door of WW (my plan of choice) last November and am now on a positive downward trend on the scale .
Post often and let us get to know you, your strengths and weaknesses...we will cheer you on whenever you need it. Again, welcome aboard
clcsc145 -- I swear I could have written your post last year. I had been at a set point of about 275 and resigned myself to being fat for life. I think if the scale hadn't just kept creeping up nothing would have changed. But one day I admitted to myself that it really did say 295, that the scale only went to 300, that I was bigger than most 28s and clothes shopping was now much harder...
Several other things happened before I made a commitment to being healthier, but I finally decided that at 39, I wanted to be healthier at 50 than when I turned 40. Otherwise, I could envision a life where my weight literally crippled me.
It's a long process and you have to be patient. But if you keep your eye on the prize and focus on what you really want (hint: it's not the cookie, usually), the journey can actually be very rewarding and even, dare I say, a lot of fun as you acquire new habits, learn about new foods, and REaquire a smaller you!
Welcome out of lurkerdom! You already know this is a great place and now you can get your own specialized support!
I started only 3 pounds away from where you are and now I've lost 39 pounds. I feel so much better and am happy to keep going until I reach my goal then maintain it. If I can do it so can you, I promise. Just try to believe that, then as the pounds start to go you'll see that it's true.
My advice would be to try to lose weight as an act of love rather than hate. Yes you might be over 300 pounds but you're still fabulous! Decide that today will be different. Make it different then the ego boost from that will carry you through tomorrow then..well you've gone too far to turn back!
The other thing is to try to understand why you got heavy - what role was it playing in your life - yes you hate it but also part of you must find it useful - for example, for me I felt safer being heavier. I've found since I started going to the gym and doing weight training I feel fine with losing.
That's just an example, you are an individual so what works for me may well not work for you. However I'm happy to chat with you either on here or you can PM me and help you find the right path for you.
Welcome!!!! You sound just like me. I reached that point, where I realized it would either get better or worse. I was 308. It was a shock for me too. Like you, I was about 260-270 for most of my adult life. Shoot, even just last year. Then I moved into my own place and started cooking like I had lost my mind. This is the end result. It took me a while to realize that I could either lose weight or keep gaining. It's been a month and I'm down 8 lbs. Bravo to you for being accountable and stepping up. The first step is the hardest. Just take it one day at a time. We can do this!
wow.. i know just how you feel.. when i finally woke up a touch over a year ago, i was AMAZED to find that i weighed exactly 333 pounds!! It was a horrible revelation. I have spent the last year getting to 283.. a loss of 50 pounds..
I am a big beliver (pun NOT intended.. *giggles) of self love.. accepting oneself, liking oneself.. however you want to put it. I truly believe that unless you LIKE yourself, and BELEIVE that YOU are worth it.. this will be an unsurmountable goal.. like one of the other girls said.. "YOU ARE FABULOUS!" it takes honestly beleiveing that, and believing that you could/need to/want to/deserve to be so much more healthy and look how you really are to all the rest of the world..
I have spent my adult life building a wall around me. I have been hurt so many times that i insulated myself from it. I subconsiously made myself look how i felt on the inside.. {yes..lots of professinal help talking here} I guess i rationalized that if my life was gonna be crappy, that i should at least LOOK The part.. sad.. i know..
I had to realize that there is nobody else in this world as awesomely cool as me! That i am a smart, wonderful, beautiful, loving person and deserve the very best.. and that it was high time i started giving myself that!
I wish you the best of luck.. and i hope you can sort thru the above post.. occasionally my ADD (lol) gets to my posts..
Glad you came out of lurking and joined us. Looking forward to getting to know you. It is a long and winding road, but the support is great here ~ you can do this!!!
You've hit that point of horror that motivates! For me it was when I got on the scale at 282. I realized that if I kept gaining I would be well over 300 pounds very soon. It was a wake up call for sure.
I would suggest to you that you try Atkins for 2 weeks. 20 grams or less of carbohydrates per day. That is called "induction". After the first two weeks the diet changes, but just commit to 2 weeks and see what your scale says at the end of that time. I bet you anything you will be sold on it.
At my "horror" point I didn't know what to do. I tried just reading about diets, eating less, exercising a little more, preparing myself to go forward, but not really knowing how to do it. I lost 4 pounds just by doing those things, and by drinking more water. But then I talked to my brother and he was doing Atkins. He gave me the book and within a week and a half of starting it I was down 13.5 more pounds (a total of 17 and a half!).
I was sold. I'm down nearly 40 pounds now from that horror point, but at one point I was down as much as 62 and then after several years of maintenance I got tired and resorted to old bad habits for awhile and the scale started climbing again.... But now I know how and what it takes to take that weight off again.
CLCSC145, get out of my head. I so understand where you are coming from. Since joining this site, I lost 21 pounds, gained 15 back, lost some, gained some back again. It's like, when does the cycle end?? And how you are feeling is just how I am feeling right now so I'm probably not one to give any advice right now but I do know that we can do this. It won't be easy but it can be done.
Welcome out of lurkdom! We are a pretty great group if I say so myself. There are tons of people here who have lost tons of weight, so you're in good company. No need to beat up on yourself! We've all been there!
Please check out the other threads & see what we have to offer. I think you're gonna like it here. We're glad to have you.
Thank you all for reaching out with your kind words and stories! This site certainly draws wonderful people. I look forward to someday being able to say to another new person that I was once where they were and have made positive progress.
Coley, you're right about there being something useful to me about the fat. I eat for comfort and to combat stress and being fat serves as an excuse to not put myself out there in the world. I also think that there is a huge amount of denial in me. I didn't want to see what was happening to me because that would mean that I'd have to stop my behavior, which is filling a need (in a very destructive way). I ignored the scales, ignored that nothing in my closet fits, and ignored my discomfort.
No more ignoring for me! I want my life back.
P.S. - Sherry, thank God for "horror points"! I'm just going to have to reset mine a heck of a lot lower than 305... Maybe 150? :-)
Awesome post. Come on out of the shadows of lurkdom and be greeted by all these lovely ladies (and a few gentlemen, I think). You've come to the right place. And after reading your post, I'm convinced you've got your head in the right place also. Turtle hugs for ya. Best of luck to you on your journey.
CLCSC: I'm glad you posted. I too tend to lurk rather than post, but this is a great group for encouragement and insight. I don't have many words of wisdom because I seem caught in the "losing the same 10 pound trap;" however, the one thing that I would encourage you to do is exercise. Just begin walking, but commit to do it for yourself, even when you don't feel like it. The scale and I have been going 'round and 'round, but I feel that I have made a different kind of progress since September. For the first time ever in my life(43yr) I have consistently exercised 3x's a week, and I FEEL progress in my body. I have more stamina, I don't tire as easily (I too looked for a seat all the time), I can walk up a flight of stairs without being exhausted, and I feel "tighter" in my muscles. SO, even though the scale isn't giving me what I want, my body is starting to. Find progress in other things than just the numbers on the scale.
Lynne
to the thread! Lots of great advice already, I don't have much to add. Only that most of us have started and re started that we know what you are going through. I hit my wall a year and a half ago when I hit my highest at 299. It was only from my doctor putting the fear of God into me about health that I had to do something about it. I am still plugging away, but I am happier and healthier for it.
Hi and welcome to the group! I'm happy that you stepped out of the shadows and joined in. I hope this board helps you out as much as it helped (and is still helping) me. Keep right on posting, we're all in this together.
I topped 300 for the first time and didn't even notice
I need to be accountable to someone other than myself, because that hasn't been enough.
to you CLSC145 for coming out of lurkdom and posting! 
You could not have found a better place to seek out support. The fact that you posted shows that you are willing to make a change toward a healthier you. I know this may sound cliche, but just take it one day at a time, one meal at a time. It's a long road for a lot of us here, but we encourage each other to stay on that road and eventually we will all get to goal. This is my 3rd attempt at losing weight--the losing part is not hard, it's the keeping it off part that always throws me for a loop. Like you, I thought I was maintaining my weight all the while I was eating all kinds of junk food and I stopped exercising. A very short while later after a visit to the doctor I found I was 40 lbs heavier than I thought I was! That was a shock to my system. But i plucked up the courage to try again, walked in the door of WW (my plan of choice) last November and am now on a positive downward trend on the scale 
. 
Again, welcome aboard 
There are tons of people here who have lost tons of weight, so you're in good company. No need to beat up on yourself! We've all been there! 
Hello
to the thread! Lots of great advice already, I don't have much to add. Only that most of us have started and re started that we know what you are going through. I hit my wall a year and a half ago when I hit my highest at 299. It was only from my doctor putting the fear of God into me about health that I had to do something about it. I am still plugging away, but I am happier and healthier for it.
